“What about you? Don't you need a jacket?” He had a valid point. I couldn't chastise him for not taking care of himself and then wind up freezing my ass off.
I grabbed my wool pea coat out of the trunk of the rental car and slipped it on. “Better?”
“Much.” He nodded, then grabbed the lapels of my coat, straightening them as he pressed his body to mine. I curled my fingers around his wrists, prying him off me.
I was dying to taste him but once we got started, I couldn't be sure I’d stop. That meant we needed to talk first. I guided him to a path leading toward the woods that had been cleared of this morning's snowfall.
He slid his hand into mine and I gave his fingers a squeeze. He leaned closer, and I sighed, loving how it felt like the tumblers of my heart were falling into place. He was going to unlock what I tried to keep protected, and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it.
We weren't going to be able to go as far as I would have liked. His choice of footwear was sexy but not the least bit practical. I brushed the snow off a picnic table and sat down, pulling him onto my lap.
He wasn't going to like what I had to say, but it needed to be said. It felt like every time I opened my mouth, I was driving Tanner further away from me. I took a deep breath, needing to get this out, no matter the consequences. “I want you, Tanner. You need to trust me when I say that.”
“Why do I feel like there's a but coming here? If you were going to turn me down after all of that, we could have stayed in the car. No reason for both of us to freeze,” he grumbled. I could almost see his walls going up. If I screwed up this time, he wouldn’t give me a third chance.
“You're right, but I am hoping that both of us are mature enough now to talk things out like adults instead of running. Can you hear me out?” I didn’t care how desperate I sounded. I didn’t want him giving up on us, even if it was only a temporary thing.
He nodded. I tried to tamp down my frustration when he leaned away from me. “Go ahead.”
“This is your brother and Haley's special weekend,” I explained to him. “As much as I want you, whatever we do can't take away from them.”
“So, you're saying it has to be our dirty little secret?” His lip curled and I felt his fingertips dig into my shoulders through my coat. “I sucked at sneaking around when I was a kid, and it's something I swore I would never do again.”
“I get that. And that's why I wanted to talk to you about this before we got to the resort,” I told him. His body was stiff, even as he leaned against my chest. It was like cuddling a concrete block. “Again, it feels like I'm saying we have to keep this a secret, but that's not how I see it at all. What I want to do to you, and with you, would never be something that would take place in public. All I'm saying is we need to be cautious.”
“And you thought I was going to throw a tantrum about that?” He bristled, turning to face me and scrunching his nose. He always had hated being underestimated.
“No, sweetheart. And honestly, I think it's something I needed to say as much for myself even more than I needed you to hear it,” I admitted. I wrapped my arms around his waist, wanting to feel him close to me. “I thought about you so many times over the years, but you were always unattainable. First, because of the age difference, and then because we live on opposite sides of the country. And to top it all off, I know myself well enough to understand I can’t turn off my Daddy side. It’s who I am.”
“And you didn’t think I’d want that,” he added when I didn’t say it. “See, if you’d just talked to me about it, I could have jumped into your arms years ago and we wouldn’t be freezing out here.”
“Having you in my arms feels even more right than I could've imagined,” I admitted, ignoring the jab about the past. He probably wouldn’t ever understand how impossible that would have been back then. “Relationships like this can be intense. Because of the level of trust required, things tend to burn fast and hot.”
I wouldn’t freak him out by telling him how quickly I’d seen friends go from strangers to committed and living together. And in some ways, Tanner and I were completely different from them. Yes, we were just now starting to explore our desires but, on some level, it felt like we’d been dancing closer to this moment since puberty.
He wiggled around on my lap, pressing his ass against my hard erection. “It sucks that you're only going to be here for a few days. I like it fast and hot."
I held him tighter, and he rested his chin on the top of my head. I breathed him in, wishing I could hate the way he made me feel. It wasn’t a matter of getting attached, he was already stuck to me, and it was going to hurt like a bitch to rip that apart. “Believe me, sweetheart, I know. And that’s one of my biggest reservations about being open to what’s between us. I don’t want to hurt you because I can’t stick around. You deserve so much more than that.”
If this had been even a year ago, I would have made statements about how we'd find a way to be together, even if it meant leaving everything I'd built up out east in order to be with him. But now I was settled.
After working jobs I dreaded going to after the honeymoon phase wore off, I was in the final phase of buying into a business I believed in. I was confident enough that I’d found my roots that I’d bought a house. I had everything there…except this beautiful man I never believed I’d have in my arms.
“We’ll figure things out as we go,” I promised. He didn’t need to know I wasn’t talking about the next seventy-two hours.
“Is that all you brought me out here for?” He shivered, and I knew it was time to get back to the car. Soon. But there was something else I wanted first…
I lifted Tanner and moved him in front of me, so he was straddling my legs, then pulled down so he sat on my lap facing me. “No, my sweet boy. I had this long speech planned, but you were silly and didn't dress for the weather, so some of it will have to wait until later.”
“Leave it to me to mess up plans I didn’t know we had.” His self-deprecation was one thing I’d love to spank out of him, but that was a job that would take every hour we had together and then some.
“Like you said, you didn’t know,” I pointed out. I bit my lip as my gaze traveled over his body. “And any other time, I would have loved seeing you dressed like this. I didn’t realize it before, but I might have a thing for pretty boys in makeup and sexy shoes.”
“I’ll have to keep that in mind,” he teased. I relaxed knowing he wasn’t beating himself up. “So, what else?”
“Under different circumstances, people wouldn't rush into something like this. There would be time for building trust and exploring what each person expected, but we don't have time for that,” I explained. “If you're not comfortable with it, you don't have to, but I would like it if, when we are alone, you tried calling me Daddy.”
Tanner chewed on his bottom lip. “I… I think I'd like that, too. I want to try, for you… If this is the only chance I have, I might as well get the full experience, right?”
