Damn. He really knew how to dump ice water on my libido.
As Ryan got out of one side of the bed and I begrudgingly twisted to do the same, I realized that I'd been denying myself something amazing for far too long. One of my biggest rules was that I didn't spend the night and I didn't let anyone stay in my bed. When I hooked up with someone, it was exactly that. We got right down to business and then went our separate ways. Even those I hooked up with somewhat frequently understood my limitations.
But now, I was grateful that this was something I could share for the first time with someone who meant more to me than a quick fuck. And maybe it wasn’t havingsomeonein bed next to me, but having Ryan holding me as I slept that helped me feel ready for whatever the day threw at me.
* * *
“Ten!”The crowd started gathering around Haley and Deegan as the waiters wound their way through the mass of people, making sure everyone had a champagne flute.
“Nine!” I caught sight of Ryan standing next my parents. As much as I would have preferred staying with Haley’s family, I didn’t want to start the new year with anyone but him.
But this was how we’d agreed to handle things. Ryan was right; this was Haley’s big day, and I wouldn’t do anything to screw that up. Or I wouldn’t have, but now, I couldn’t imagine ringing in the new year with anyone but him. And the way he was looking at me, he felt the same. It was up to one of us to make the first move, and I knew that wouldn’t be him. He wasfartoo concerned with keeping up appearances.
“Eight,” everyone screamed as I took my first step. Ryan did the same and the everything around us faded. Our gazes never broke as we closed the distance between us. Finally, Ryan was in front of me, and I felt steady for the first time since this morning.
He hadn’t been kidding when he said he was going to find as many ways as possible to steal moments with me when no one was looking. I was pretty sure Haley figured out what was going on by the third time I had to excuse myself from hanging out with the girls, listening to them catch up on what everyone else had been doing since the last time they were together.
If there were cameras where we couldn’t see them in the resort, someone in security had gotten one hell of a free peep show today.
But it wasn’t enough. Nothing would ever be enough with Ryan. I wanted him to tell me it was time to go to bed. We could make use of that massive tub in the bathroom, relaxing after a day filled with tension. Then, he’d take me to the bed, where I hoped he’d trust that I wasn’t going to break, and he’d be rough with me.
Thatwas part of having a Daddy I definitely wanted to experience before he left.
“Is this okay?” Ryan asked as he snaked his arm around my waist, pulling me tight to his body. Tears welled along my lower eyelids and a lump formed in my throat.
“Seven!” This was one of those moments that felt like it was straight out of a movie. Without letting me go, Ryan brushed the hair away from my face. “I couldn’t stay away from you any longer. I hated trying to keep my hands off you today when other people were around.”
“Same,” I admitted as the room erupted in a swell of cheering. I tipped my head back and closed my eyes as firm lips pressed to mine. My mouth fell open on a sigh, and Ryan held me so tight there was no space between our bodies as his tongue teased mine.
Soon, we’d have to deal with the fallout, but for a little while longer, I wanted to pretend the two of us kissing was as natural as anything.
Eventually, the need to breathe forced us to break the kiss. Ryan’s fingers tangled possessively into the hair at the nape of my neck. He pressed his forehead to mine as he said, “I know it’s too soon, but I want to figure out how we can do this again next year and every year after that.”
“We’ll find a way,” I promised him. My need to be with this man overcame all of my reservations about being in a relationship. Sure, I might wind up getting my heart broken, and I was certain my family would blame me for somehow coercing him into being gay, but I didn’t care about any of that. When he flew home, Ryan would be taking a piece of my heart with him. That wouldn’t change if I insisted we were nothing but a fling.
“Tanner Patrick Fincham, what in the world do you think you’re doing?” I tensed when I heard my mother shrieking behind us. “We’re all aware of your proclivities, but you don’t need to create a scene at your brother’s wedding.”
“Lillian, please,” Ryan interrupted. She startled, as if it had only just now registered who had me safely in his arms. “Tanner isn’t the only gay man here, so it’s upsetting that you’re choosing to single him out.”
“But this is Deegan and Haley’s day,” she protested. I buried my face in Ryan’s chest, not wanting to see how much of an audience we had. “I expected behavior like this from him, but how could you, Ryan? He’s your best friend’s baby brother.”
“He is,” Ryan confirmed. “But he’s also an adult, capable of making his own decisions. Once you’re able to see past your own disdain, I hope you’ll be happy for us. I hope you will be happy for Tanner, knowing he has someone who loves him and will do everything in their power to make him happy.”
I let out a choked, high-pitched squeal. I had to be hallucinating. Ryan did not just tell my mother that he loved me. He couldn’t. There was no way in hell he could possibly be in love with me after two days, no matter how hard we’d tried burning up the sheets. But maybe he could, because I sure as hell loved him. I just hadn’t wanted to jinx anything by saying the words out loud. And it hadn’t been two days; these feelings had been growing in both of us for years despite our best efforts.
My mom stormed off in a huff. Eventually, I might wish she could accept me, but I no longer needed her validation, not when I had this beautiful man willing to protect me.
Ryan cupped my face in his hands, tipping my head back so he could look into my eyes. “I know what you’re thinking, but don’t argue with me this time. I let you go once after convincing myself it was the right thing to do. But it wasn’t. I was so fucking wrong, and now I need to prove to you that I’ve learned my lesson. I love you, Tanner. No matter how hard I tried, I haven’t been able to make myself stop loving you since the first time I truly noticed you.”
“I love you, too,” I sobbed. He pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket and gently dabbed along my eyelashes, careful so he didn’t smear my makeup. “You know we’re going to have to tell my brother about us.”
“He already knows.” My gaze shot up, then followed Ryan’s to where Deegan and Haley were slowly rocking back and forth on the dance floor, both of them watching us. Haley beamed and flashed a quick thumbs up. Deegan glared at Ryan before his features softened and he gave a quick nod. That was the closest we were going to get to approval from him. “What do you say we go back to our room? We’ll come down for brunch with them tomorrow and we can all talk then.”
“That sounds perfect.”
Ryan didn’t let go of my hand as he led me through the ballroom. It felt like the crowd parted to let us through, and every single person had something to say. A few looked shocked as Ryan held his head high, silently showing them he wasn’t about to hear anything those who were disgusted had to say.
I felt like I was living in a dream when Ryan stepped behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist as we waited for the elevator to arrive. It still floored me that I was his—and that he made it clear whatever we were doing wasnotgoing to end when he left for the airport.
