“That’s probably just a ploy to get you out of her hair.” Great, now I had to worry about Nana thinking it was her fault I was leaving.
“You’re not working tonight, right?” Once upon a time, Tanner would have known my schedule. Now he had to guess, based on the fact I would have already been there if I was scheduled to work. “You should come over for dinner. It might help get Nana off my back and you could cover for me while I call Ryan.”
“How are things going with that?” I was happy for my friend. He was getting a second chance with the man he’d always been in love with. They had hurdles to overcome—namely Tanner’s family and the fact they lived on opposite coasts—but if anyone could make it work, they could.
“Great, other than the fact Nana keeps trying to sneak down the hall and eavesdrop,” Tanner grumbled. “I swear, when I said I wanted my family to accept us, this wasn’t what I was hoping for.”
“So, you need me to keep her busy while you sneak away to rub one out with your Daddy?” I cringed as soon as the words were out of my mouth. He hadn’t admitted to me that they shared a Daddy/boy dynamic, but he also wasn’t quiet when Ryan was telling him how to get off, and we had thin walls.
With every second he didn’t respond, I felt my heart beating a little faster, worried I’d screwed up. The guy had just been bitching about his grandma eavesdropping on his private conversations and then I went ahead and gave him a hard time about it.
The first time I’d heard him call Ryan,Daddy, I’d felt a tinge of jealousy deep in my gut. I wasn’t an easy person for someone to love, and I wasn’t sure I’d ever find someone who wanted to take care of me, tell me what to do, and let me play dress up when I wanted. I longed to be Daddy’s boy, but I also wanted to be his princess.
Guys who were into that were rarer than unicorns.
“Hey, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything,” I quickly apologized. “I wasn’t trying to listen in, I swear. There was one night—”
“No, it’s fine,” Tanner reassured me. “You just took me by surprise is all. It’s not something I’m ready to talk about, which is why I hadn’t said anything to you.”
“Tanner, you’re all good. God knows we’ve all got skeletons in our closets.” And, comparatively, my current secret was a hell of a lot worse. I needed to get us back on more stable ground. “I’d love to come for dinner. What time do you want me to show up?”
“Whenever’s good for you. Nana usually wants to eat by six or so,” he told me, as if I wasn’t aware of the rigid schedule she kept. After Pops passed away, she busted out of her shell in a lot of ways, but there were bits of their old routines she held onto. “And if you wanted, you could stop by the bakery. If you pick up a coffee cake for her, maybe I can keep her out of the kitchen until she’s able to get around better.”
“Yeah, cool.” Running an errand for him was literally the least I could do when he didn’t know this was likely goodbye for now. I was sure we’d keep in touch, but it was strange to think my days of walking out to hear him grumbling at the coffee pot were a thing of the past. “I’ll be there in about forty-five, once I stop.”
“Cool. See you then.”
When I pulled up in front of Nana’s house, I turned off the ignition and twisted my hands around the steering wheel while I worked up the courage to go inside. Apparently, it took me a bit too long because I was startled out of my thoughts by Tanner rapping his knuckles on the window. “Dude, you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m good,” I reassured him as I opened the door. I grabbed the bakery box off the passenger seat and handed it to him. “I hope this is okay. It was slim pickings this late in the day.”
“Anything’s better than listening to her, not so subtly, hint that she wants something sweet with her coffee. You’re a lifesaver.” He set the box on top of the car and pulled me into a hug. I stiffened, trying to keep a rein on my emotions. Now that I was in front of him, it was harder than I’d imagined it would be to tell him I was leaving. Always in tune to my moods, Tanner leaned back, his hands still bracing my arms. “Hey, you sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I responded, trying to shake him off. Icouldwait until we were inside to tell him, but it would be even harder to say this in front of Nana. “Actually, that’s only mostly true. Before I say anything else, I want you to know that I’m excited about what I have to tell you, but I’m scared shitless at the same time.”
“Mav, you’re starting to scare me.” He leaned against the hood of the car and I did the same. “This isn’t typical Moody Maverick, is it?”
Shit. I was even going to miss his annoying nickname for me. But there was no use in lying to him. “No, it’s not. I have something to tell you, and I don’t want you trying to talk me out of it. Even without you there to hound me about it, I sat down and made my pros and cons lists, and it’s a good thing.”
“Maybe you should spit it out already so I can tell you if I agree.” I scowled at him and he held his hands up in surrender. “Not that my opinion matters, but you know I’ll tell you if I think you’re being foolish.”
“Yeah, I do know that.” He’d always been there for me, even when no one else was. And, hopefully, he’d understand why I needed to do this, even if he disagreed with my decision. “So, you remember how I went out to surprise Sam last summer?”
“How could I forget? I was surprised you didn’t come back and tell me you were madly in love with him and running away to get married,” Tanner teased.
I shuddered. “There are so many things wrong with that sentence, but that’s not the point. Things were so much different when I was out there. For the first time, I was able to do whatever the hell I wanted without having to worry about what someone was going to think of me. It was refreshing.”
“You know you don’t have to hide here, right?” Tanner draped an arm over my shoulders, and I leaned into the embrace. “If anyone talks shit about you, we’ve all got your back.”
“I know that, but it’s not the same.” I wasn’t really sure how to explain what I felt. I didn’twantthem to have to come to my rescue. What appealed to me most about starting fresh, was that no one would know my family, no one would judge me or tell me how handsome I was when I wasn’t wearing flowing tops, eyeliner, or women’s shoes. I just wanted the freedom to be me.
I sucked in a deep breath, preparing myself for however he might react. I looked at the ground a few feet in front of me rather than risking a glance at Tanner. If he thought I was making a mistake, I wanted to give him time to school his features. “I want to feel like that again, Tanner. Not just for a weekend, but all the time. I want to wake up in the morning and not have to weigh what I want against what people will think. I want to be happy. And I don’t think that’s something I can find here.”
“Where are you going to go?” I let out the breath I’d been holding. He hadn’t rushed to tell me I was a fool, so that was a good start.
“Sam and his partner have offered me a spare room at their house, and he’s going to help me line up a job once I’m out there,” I explained. “With any luck, I’ll be able to find a place of my own within a few months.”
“But you don’t really know these people, Mav,” Tanner argued.
