“So, what happened?” I asked when he got back inside. I poured myself a tall glass of orange juice and swiped a stick of beef jerky. It was a shitty breakfast, but it was better than busting my ass all day without eating. “If there’d been an emergency, you would have called.”
“Just the same stupid shit that happens every time that crew rolls through.” He sprayed down the top of the bar and started wiping it. “But Ralphie caved like he always does when we tried throwing a couple of them out. Told them they could pitch a tent outside, but they tried groping Tina right in front of me. No one pulls that shit on any of our women. Where in the hell were you, anyway? Last I knew, you were going to hang out withthose guysfrom work.”
Stephen was obviously still on edge from whatever happened last night—and I didn’t believe for a minute that was the reason he was so short with me.
This was why I had no place starting anything with Maverick. Last night, and this morning, had been perfect. Then, I’d stepped back into the real world and been slapped with the knowledge that my own brother wouldn’t have my back if I came out. Maverick deserved so much more than to be my experiment or a dirty secret.
“Fell asleep at Theron’s place,” I told him. It wasn’t a lie. “The guys cracked open the expensive shit to celebrate the new club and I had too much to drive home.”
“Well, don’t make a habit of it.” Stephen tossed the rag he’d been using to wipe down counters toward the sink. When it landed on the floor, he stepped over it and stormed upstairs.
I pinched the bridge of my nose and clenched my eyes shut. This was a horrible idea, but now that I’d had another taste of how Maverick made me feel, I wasn’t sure I could walk away, even if that was for the best.
7
Mav
The first day at any new job sucked, but I’d never experienced an ache in my chest that made it hard to breathe before. It had been almost a week since John walked out of my room with a promise to call me.
Maybe I shouldn’t be upset that he’d ghosted me, but I was. Foolishly, I’d allowed myself to believe that this time could be different. There hadn’t been a hint of deception in his gray eyes when he’d assured me he’d be in touch.
I shouldn’t have expected any less from someone who was obviously out of his comfort zone.
I’d picked up my phone a handful of times to call him, but I stopped myself. Chasing men who weren’t interested had never served me well in the past, so now, if he wanted something, he was going to have to man up and make the next move.
“Hey, you’re awfully quiet this morning,” Sam observed as he wove his way around slower traffic on the freeway. “I’m not pushing you into a job you don’t want, am I? I don’t want you thinking youhaveto work at the club if you’re going to stay with us.”
“No, it’s not that. Just have some shit on my mind is all,” I told him.
“Anything you want to talk about?” I shook my head, and he didn’t push. I paid attention to the scenery along the drive. It wasn’t anything spectacular, but there was still something magical about being in a place so far from everything I’d known until this point to my life. Eventually, the silence got to be too much for Sam. “You know, I get it if you don’t want to talk, but know that whenever you’re ready, I’m here. And if your mood has anything to do with an extra-growly bouncer turned construction helper, I won’t pick sides. You’re both allowed to feel whatever you are.”
I wasn’t sure how I felt about John being grumpier than usual. To me, he’d never been that way. Guarded and a bit standoffish, yes, but not growly. Besides, there was an easy way for him to fix both of our moods.
“If you want to talk to him, you might have to be the one to take a chance,” Sam remarked, as if he could somehow hear my thoughts. “I’m pretty sure this is all new for him, so he might need a nudge in the right direction.”
“And what if I’m tired of being the one doing all the work? Just once, shouldn’t I be able to feel like someone wants me enough they won’t let me get away?” Okay, so that wasn’t at all what I’d meant to say, but now that the words were out there, I realized that was the whole problem. Too many times, I’d been the one putting in the effort, at least in the beginning. I was tired of that shit.
“Normally, I’d say you’re absolutely right, but not with him.” The man sitting next to me was a far cry from the insecure boy I’d met in an online forum. Somewhere along the line, he’d found his voice and he wasn’t afraid to use it. I had a feeling that had something to do with his Daddy. “I wasn’t sure if I should tell you, but I think a warning is the right way to go in this case. The two of you are going to be working in close quarters today. I swear, I wasn’t trying to set you up or anything, but he’s been there even more this past week than he was before.”
“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
“Would you have still agreed to help out if I had?” Sam quirked an eyebrow and glanced at me before turning his attention back to traffic.
As much as I wanted to say it wouldn’t have influenced my decision to venture out of the house, I wasn’t so sure. This past week, I’d been doing everything in my power to hide in the bedroom that was every one of my fantasies come to life. I’d unpacked my suitcases, then my boxes when they’d arrived. I’d organized and then reorganized the closet until it felt perfect.
And I’d spent far too much time watching one of my favorite makeup vloggers, hoping to learn some new techniques. He had the life I couldn’t even bring myself to dream of having for myself. His stepdaughter was a regular helper, and his husband often made appearances, kissing them both on the cheek and telling them how pretty they were. I’d become addicted to his channel the day I’d found it. He gave boys like me hope that we didn’t have to choose between being pretty and being happy.
I shrugged and pulled my knees up to my chest. Sam glanced at my feet perched on the edge of the seat and let out a sigh. I dropped my feet back to the floorboards. “I guess you’re right. But I think you’re wrong. He asked me for my number. He told me he’d be in touch and then he ghosted. What am I supposed to do with that?”
“Oh, I don’t know…you could have asked me forhisnumber,” Sam suggested.
“I already have it.” At this point, it was one of the few numbers I’d memorized. I refused to add him as a contact in my phone until I knew he wasn’t going to be a fleeting moment in my past, but I’d pulled up the single text message he’d sent more times than I could count.
It was sweet how he’d texted to let me know he was home and already missing me. That morning, I’d been filled with hope that he would reach out again when he was able. But he hadn’t. And I was pining.
I hated that shit. It made me feel weak.
Sam cuffed the back of my head while he waited for the light at the bottom of the ramp to turn green. “Then use it. I mean, there’s no point now since you’re going to see him soon, but you could have texted him at any point in the past week to ask what was going on. That’s not being needy, that’s called being a big boy.”
