1
Mav
My bedroom looked like a tornado had come through. Everything I owned was heaped into one of three piles: crap I should have gotten rid of long ago, stuff that might be valuable to someone else, and the pieces I was willing to pay to have shipped clear across the country. In two short days, I’d be boarding a plane for what might be the biggest mistake of my life, but if I didn’t jump out of the nest, I’d never know what might have been.
Or so I kept telling myself.
I was starting to think I’d officially lost my mind. Who in the hell walked away from everything they knew just because they were too damn scared of coming across someone who would tell them how disappointed a dead woman would be? Me. That’s who.
The worst part was, I knew my grandma wouldn’t have a problem with me being true to myself. If anything, she’d tell me it was about damn time I let the real me shine through. But that didn’t mean her old biddy friends would feel the same way.
As long as I knew I was living in the same city as them, I’d keep the real Mav hidden away in my closet. Literally. It was a damn shame to realize how many pretty outfits I’d purchased, promising myself I would wear them, only to chicken out and shove them to the back of my closet when I got home.
I deserved to be happy.
My makeup shouldn’t be saved for nights at the clubs.
Everyone thought letting my feminine side rise to the surface was something I did for the attention. Even my best friend wouldn’t understand that I felt the most like myself on those nights.
Speaking of… I really needed to let Tanner know I was moving. I felt like shit bailing on the apartment we’d leased together, which was why I had already dropped off a cashier’s check that drained most of my savings account. He wouldn’t have to worry about finding a new roommate and, as long as he paid his share of the rent, he’d have the place all to himself whenever he came back from helping his own grandmother.
I wasn’t bitter about him taking care of her while she recovered, but the weeks I’d spent alone in the apartment reaffirmed that this was something I needed to do. Without Tanner here, I’d become reclusive, unable to enjoy anything without my wingman there to protect me. And the silence reminded me that—other than Tanner—I was utterly alone. I didn’t have anyone or anything tethering me to a place filled with bad memories.
I could go anywhere. Do whatever the hell I wanted. And, most importantly, I could be as flamboyant or masc as I pleased, and no one would say shit about it.
This was my time to create the me I wanted the world to see.
I slumped against the end of my bed, staring at the clutter surrounding me. My heart raced as reality crashed around me. I wasactuallydoing this. I was moving to the other side of the country without a job lined up, relying on the charity of a friend I’d only met once in person, just so I could escape the pain and judgment.
But first, I had a phone call to make.
No matter how upsetting it was that Tanner hadn’t bothered to stop by the house in the past two weeks, he still deserved a phone call to let him know what was going on.
No, he deserved a visit, but that would upset his Nana, and I wasn’t willing to do anything that might set back her recovery. I pulled out my phone, staring at the blank screen while I tried to figure out what I was going to say to him.
I decided on a vague,Hey, you have time to chat?
For you? Always.I let out a weak laugh at his response. He always said he was never too busy for me, but the fact I’d managed to sort and pack most of my belongings without him noticing proved otherwise.
Don’t be a jealous bitch,I scolded myself. My head fell back against the side of the mattress and I closed my eyes.
I hit the call button on his contact in my phone before I chickened out again. Maybe I’d texted first knowing he’d pry if I didn’t follow through with a call.
“Hey, what’s up?” he answered before the phone even rang on my end.
My palms were sweaty, and I could feel a knot of tension between my shoulder blades. “Hey, I haven’t heard from you in a while. How’s Nana doing?”
“Stubborn as always.” He chuckled, and I could almost see him rolling his eyes. “She swears I’m wasting my time babysitting her, but when I was at work yesterday, she decided to try and go for a walk. I found her sitting on her front porch without a sweater or anything. Her fingers were like wrinkled little popsicles.”
Shit. That wasn’t good. It might be a mild winter, but yesterday had been damp as hell. And she was still using her walker the last I heard. “If you need help, I could come and sit with her.”
I hadn’t thought before I’d made the offer. Unless he wanted me to go over there tomorrow, I’d have to tell him I couldn’t follow through. Shit.
Maybe I could change my flight?
No. I wasn’t using his grandma as an excuse to stay somewhere I stuck out like a sore thumb. Moving to Annandale would be a good thing.
“I think she’d like that.” Great. Now I felt like even more of a dick. “She keeps asking about you. She’s worried you’re going to leave me because I’m spending so much time with her.”
