Mason quickly brought Sean up to speed on my news. I was grateful for that, because every time I had to admit that I was a player without a team, I grew more upset. At this rate, I was going to be unfit for company by the time Drew’s parents showed up in the morning.
“So you find another team,” Sean said, as if it should be that easy. I quirked an eyebrow in his direction. “Seriously, you’ve still got some ball left in you. I’m sure someone will pick you up before the month is out.”
“Yeah, but what if I don’t want some team?” I asked. When I woke up this morning, I’d thought that life was pretty damn good for the first time in a long time. It’d be nice to figure out a way to have that feeling every day, and that may not be possible while I was still playing.
“Then you sit down like Mace did and figure out what’s next for you,” Sean offered. “I thought he was crazy when he announced he was quitting, but it turned out to be the best thing for him.”
Mason nodded in agreement. Now that I thought about it, I couldn’t remember him ever saying he regretted walking away when he had. Granted, his situation was a bit different than my own. He’d just been outed which had been a determining factor, but he’d also lost his drive for the game over a year before he walked away.
I still loved playing. My thoughts of retiring weren’t because I didn’t enjoy the game, but because I wanted to go out on my own terms and I felt that opportunity slipping away from me.
“Yeah, but what am I going to do after that? This is all I’ve done in my life.” I couldn’t sit around the house or waste my days on the golf course. Whatever happened, I needed to know there was still a purpose in my life.
You know what you need to do,I thought to myself as Mason and Sean tried to reassure me that I’d figure it all out. And they were right. I’d already been thinking about leaving, even if I hadn’t really thought it’d happen this soon. I’d found myself envious of what Drew and Bryce were doing down at the center and had wished it’d be possible for me to do something like that. Maybe it was.
I started glancing at my watch, trying to figure out how quickly I could get out of there and back home. I didn’t want to seem rude, as though I’d only stopped by because I had a problem, but that was somewhat true. Besides, Mason and Sean probably wanted to get to bed since they had a long drive to Indiana in the morning with a teething one-year-old.
Sean noticed my inattention and took it upon himself to start stretching and yawning, the universal symbol for “You’re a great guy, but get the fuck out of my house.” I stood and gave Mason a one-armed hug before walking to the door with Sean.
“Hey, thanks for listening to me bitch,” I said as I reached for the front door. “I probably should have talked to Drew and Bryce, but you know how it is with the younger guys. They’re all convinced that baseball is all there is to life and that it’ll go on forever.”
Sean chuckled. “God, when did we get to be the old men of the league?” he asked, shaking his head. “Don’t worry, it’s all going to work out however it’s supposed to. Like I said before, Mason has never been happier than he’s been since retiring. And I meannever. It’s like he’d always carried around the stress of trying to make everyone proud of his accomplishments, even when that wasn’t what he really needed in his life.”
“Yeah, but he also had Asher to keep his mind off what he was missing when spring training started,” I pointed out. God, I had no clue how I was going to get through February and March, sitting at home in Wisconsin while my buddies were in the sunny South playing.
“So get a dog or something,” Sean suggested with a laugh. “Really, they aren’t that much different than kids. You have to feed them, love on them, and clean up when they shit all over the place.”
I rolled my eyes because Sean was being ridiculous. I’d like to see anyone tell him they knew what it was like to be a parent because they had an animal. Other than the occasional middle of the night potty break, dogs didn’t require all that much. “Yeah, I’ll be sure to do that.”
Sean walked me out to my car. He leaned against the roof on the passenger’s side as I unlocked the doors. “Hey, I mean it. This really isn’t the end.”
“I know,” I assured him. “You guys have a good trip. Give me a call when you get back to town.”
As I drove away, I repeated Sean’s words to myself. This wasn’t the end. There was something else out there for me, but it was up to me to figure out what that was.
18
Drew
“Don’t worry,I’m sure he’s fine.” Bryce grabbed my arm to keep me from pacing around the room. I’d been telling myself the same thing for the past hour, but now that I knew Eric had left without his phone, I was worried. He’d just gotten shitty news and took off. We were supposed to be having a relaxing night at home with Cam and Jason, but instead, everyone was trying to avoid talking about what had just happened.
Cam knew better than to try to tell me it would all be okay. I’d always hated when people said that shit, because there was no way to guarantee it would be. And I wasn’t only thinking about tonight and Eric being on the road while he was upset.
I worried about the future, both his and ours. I hated myself for thinking this could be a good thing because it meant he wasn’t going to live on the west coast during the season. It meant I would be the only one with a fucked up schedule eight months out of the year.
Jason stepped outside, and I watched as he made some phone calls. “I just talked to Sean,” he announced when he came back into the house. “Apparently he’s over there.”
“There, now you know he’s not out doing something stupid,” Bryce said, leading me to the couch.
“I don’t understand why he’d storm out the way he did,” I admitted. I’d foolishly thought that now that the three of us were trying to turn this into a serious relationship, he would’ve turned to one of us instead of leaving. Not only that, but he went to his former lover’s house.
Bryce laughed as he sat down next to me. “You, of all people, have no right to judge someone for not wanting to talk about what’s bothering them. I wish he wouldn’t have left just as much as you do, but I’m sure he had his reasons.”
“Still sucks.” I was sulking, and I knew it. It seemed to be something I’d gotten pretty good at in the past month.
“True, but it’s not going to change anything for you to get pissed off about it,” Bryce reminded me. What I’d originally thought was an inability to get upset about anything turned out to be a staunch refusal to let anyone make him lose his cool. I admired that, even when it did frustrate the shit out of me. “Now, why don’t you go in there and help Cam get everything put away and then we’ll go to bed.”
“Don’t need the help,” Cam called out from the kitchen. Bryce glared at him, making me realize it was more so I’d have something to do than because he thought Cam couldn’t take care of it on his own. “Take him to bed. His mood’s not going to improve at all until Eric gets home. He’s just going to be the moody asshole we all know and love.”
