Sam sighed heavily and my heart plummeted. I’d been with him since I was in college and I’d learned to read his non-verbal cues to figure out the meaning behind what he was saying. That wasn’t to say he wasn’t good at his job, but he had a tendency to try to soften the blow and make average deals seem better than they were. He had his few heavy-hitters who did a sufficient job lining his pockets, so the rest of us were just extra padding to him.
“I’m afraid I don’t, Eric.” At least he sounded upset for me. “They’ve opted out of signing a new contract. Now, don’t worry too much because I’m in talks with a few other teams to see if they’re interested in you now that you’re a free agent. There’s plenty of time before the start of next year. I’m sure something will come along.”
That was easy for him to say. He wasn’t the one who’d just gotten the ax. As much as I didn’t want to get sent down, it seemed like even more of a blow that they were cutting me outright from the team. There was no security, no forty-man roster to assure me I could work my way back to Iberia Field. I was cut loose with no guarantee anyone would want me.
When I was younger, I had plenty of confidence in my abilities. I put up solid numbers even though I was never going to be a record breaker. My coaches and managers called on me for my ability to go out there and play a smart game every day, knowing that I wouldn’t let them down.
Now, I was creeping up on forty, which felt ancient with all of the kids in their early twenties being called up every week. Granted, I still had a few years to go before hitting that particular milestone, but when sitting next to guys who were barely into their twenties, that didn’t matter. I was fucking old.
I wasn’t as confident as Sam that another team would want me. Last year hadn’t been my best, but I’d also had a lot on my mind. Seattle had never felt like home to me. It was the place I’d been shipped off to play whether I liked it or not. And then my grandpa died and I was left to deal with that.
And yeah, the drama with Mason and Sean being outed took an emotional toll on me as well. I wanted to be there for them, to help make sure they weren’t going to fall apart when faced with the assholes coming at them with disgusting slurs. I shouldn’t have let any of that affect my play, but I know it all had.
And honestly, I wasn’t sure I’d take a deal if it was offered to me unless I was guaranteed I wouldn’t be back in the minors. Having to go down and wait for the skipper to call me into his office at my age would be humiliating. Not only that, but where the young players looked at it as a way to groom themselves into the players of the future, for guys like me, it was no different than being sent out to pasture.
“Thanks for letting me know, Sam,” I responded. I didn’t let him know about any of the reservations I felt at the time because I didn’t want him to think I was giving up. I wasn’t a quitter, it was more that I was starting to realize that baseball couldn’t last forever and it might be time to get ready to hang it up.
“I’m sorry I dropped this on you right before the holiday,” Sam apologized. “But you needed to know as soon as I did.”
“I understand. Happy Thanksgiving.” When I hung up the phone, I realized all eyes were on me. Even Cam had stopped cooking, waiting to see what was going on. I choked on the words, not ready to voice to those closest to me what I already knew. “I’m a free agent. Seattle decided they didn’t want to sign the new contract.”
Drew was by my side immediately, wrapping his arms around my waist. “Hey, something else will come along. Maybe even something where you won’t be all the way on the other side of the country.”
“Yeah, maybe.” I wished I still had the optimism he held toward the game. He was just entering his prime and had yet to realize just how shitty it was to realize that the glory days don’t last.
I slid out of his grasp and told everyone I’d be back. I needed a few minutes to clear my head and wasn’t in the mood for anyone to try and cheer me up.
I probably shouldn’t have been driving, but my car was the only place I could think of where no one would try interrupting my moping. I drove for over an hour before parking my car in front of Sean’s house. I wasn’t even sure if they were still home, but I needed to talk to him.
The house was dark except for one light shining from somewhere in the back. I stood in front of the door and debated whether or not to ring the bell. I jumped when the front porch light turned on, blinding me since my eyes had adjusted to the pitch black night.
“Halloween was a few weeks ago, kid. You’ll have to come back next year,” Mason teased. He stepped outside and closed the door behind him. As much as I liked the guy, I wasn’t in the mood for his comic relief. Then again, he was the one person in our circle of friends who might understand the bullshit swirling through my mind. Maybe it wasn’t Sean I drove over here to see at all. “Hey, you okay?”
Mason gave my shoulder a reassuring squeeze. I had no clue how he wasn’t freezing his ass off. It couldn’t be more than forty degrees and the forecasters were calling for snow tonight, and yet it didn’t seem to bother him that he was only wearing his old Bulldogs T-shirt.
“Had better days,” I admitted. “Would it be rude to invite myself in? It’s fucking cold out here.”
“Yeah, sure. Just keep your voice down until we get to the basement. Asher’s teething again and he’s not a fan. It took Sean over an hour to get him calmed down enough to go to sleep.”
I kicked out of my shoes and placed them next to the door. No shoes beyond the foyer was one of Sean’s rules since Asher started crawling. It was adorable to see him turn into the freaky first time parent when it came to anything related to their son.
Mason grabbed a couple of beers and motioned for me to follow him. He pulled out his phone, explaining that he was texting Sean to let him know we were down here as he typed.
“So, what’s got you looking like someone kicked your puppy?” Mason asked once his phone was back in his pocket.
“Sam called me today,” I told him. I didn’t need to explain who Sam was. His name was well known in the league.
“And?”
“And basically told me I’m too old for Seattle. They passed on a new contract which means we’re going into December and I have no fucking clue what’s going on next year.” Now that the shock had started to wear off, I was angry.
Yeah, my numbers weren’t the best, but I’d worked my ass off for that team. The least they could have done was give me the courtesy of some sort of hint they weren’t certain I’d be back next year. But that wasn’t how the business side of the game worked. Hell, some guys didn’t even have the security of being with the same team from the time they showed up at the park in the morning until they got in their cars to go home.
“They said that?” Mason took a long draw of his beer before standing and reaching into the high cupboards behind the bar for a bottle of Jack. I couldn’t get plowed since my guys were waiting for me at home, but one to settle my nerves didn’t seem like such a bad idea.
“No, you know they never make that much sense,” I scoffed before tossing back the piss warm liquid. I hated the yeasty taste of Jack, but I wasn’t picky at that point. I just wanted something to take the edge off. “He just said they didn’t sign the contract but that he’s looking for other deals for me.”
“Well that’s promising,” Mason responded. The door at the top of the steps opened and Sean came down with three more beers. I begged off, not wanting to push my limits. Knowing the way today had gone so far, it’d be my luck for me to think I was fine and wind up getting a DUI.
