I wasn’t only talking about today or the rest of the week. I didn’t know when I’d have the strength to be completely honest about my life, but when that time came, I needed to know Daniel and Colin would be there beside me.
“As long as it takes,” Daniel promised. He didn’t let go of my hand until we stood in front of the door. Daniel cupped my face, tracing his thumb along my cheekbone. “I meant what I said. I love you, Zach, and I’m not going to let someone like him scare me off. Colin and I knew what we were getting into with you, and we’ll be here for you however you need us.”
“Thank you.” I swallowed hard as I turned the doorknob. My knees wobbled, and I wasn’t sure how to walk away from him, even for however long it took for my dad to say his piece. “Tell me again?”
“I love you,” Daniel whispered. He leaned in, brushing his lips over my ear. “We love you, Zach. Not just for today, this week, or this month, but for as long as you’ll have us.”
“And I love you,” I said as I stepped out of the door. The promise of forever was added silently as I approached the stairs.
“Care to tell me what's going on?” Dad asked before I even made my way into the kitchen. He lifted the lid off the pot of chili simmering on the stove. Most of the time, I couldn't stand the thick soup that was a staple on our kitchen table, but my stomach growled. He might not be the best cook, and we may not have a healthy relationship, but the smell of tomatoes, peppers, and garlic would always be home to me.
“I don't know what you're talking about,” I responded. No way in hell was I saying a word until I knew how much he'd figured out on his own.
“I know I'm not as worldly as those city folk you hang around with now, but give me a little credit. That boy ain't just a friend, is he?” It should have been a relief that he didn’t sound disgusted, but that only ratcheted my anxiety higher.
I stilled, not even breathing. This was the moment of truth. I could be honest with him and face his wrath, or I could lie. The latter might keep me safe for a while, but there was no telling how he'd react when he found out I'd deceived him. And he would find out. For all of his faults, my dad could be incredibly perceptive when he wanted to be.
“No, Dad, he's not just a roommate,” I confirmed. “He's one of my best friends.”
“That it?” He quirked an eyebrow, staring at me as if he could read the truth in my facial expressions.
“I don't know what you want me to say.” I fisted my fingers in my hair and doubled over, letting out a frustrated cry. “No matter what I say, you're never going to be okay with it.”
“How about you let me be the judge of that.” I jumped when the knife dad had been holding clattered against the counter. “Dammit, son, I know I haven't been there for you the way you need me to. Now, I’m wondering if I was an even worse parent than I realized.”
“Don't say that,” I scolded him. Sure, I'd thought exactly the same, more times than I could count, but he had done the best for me he could.
“What kind of father am I, if my own kid had to hide something like this from me?” He let out an exhausted sigh and gripped the edge of the counter. His back heaved and I wondered what in the hell was going on. “I’m sorry I let you down.”
My mouth fell open as Dad apologized to me. In my entire life, I couldn't remember a time he'd so freely admitted his mistakes.
“You don't have to tell me anything if you're not ready. But when you are, I’d like it if you realize you can come to me with anything.” Now I was the one reaching out for something to steady me. My knees felt weak and my head spun. This was not how he was supposed to react when he found out. “Can't say I’ll understand everything, but I'll do my best. For whatever that's worth.”
If he and I had been having this conversation six months ago, it likely would have gone very differently. I was so set on blaming him for my shitty behavior. I don't know that I could have trusted his acceptance of me. Of us, I quickly amended in my mind. Because he wasn't only accepting me. He was trying, in his own way, to let me know that my boyfriend was welcome here.
Except, that still left one huge secret between us. And even if he accepted that I had a boyfriend, that didn't mean he suddenly be okay with two.
“Tell me what's on your mind.” I was so lost in my own world, I jumped when I dad squeezed my shoulder. And then the old man fucking laughed. The sound was rusty and foreign, but there was no mistaking the genuine amusement. “This might be the first time in your life you've been speechless.”
“It's just… It's a lot, Dad,” I admitted. “I wasn't sure you'd still love me once you knew. And as much as I didn't want to upset you, they mean everything to me.”
Dad went motionless. Eventually, he blinked a few times and scratched his head. “They? I heard about that. You mean to tell me that boy—no… What do you kids call it? I heard about people like him. Them.”
I couldn't control my laughter. “Dad! Stop. No, it's nothing like that. Daniel is one hundred percent man.”
“But you said they,” he pointed out. I felt the flush of embarrassment creeping up my face. This felt like walking through a field of landmines. I'd gotten past the first one without any casualties, but there were still more to deal with.
He said I didn’t have to tell him if I wasn’t ready. Except, I did. I couldn't hide anything. I needed to know, right now, and he could accept all of me.
“Yeah dad, they,” I confirmed. “Daniel isn't the only man I’m with.”
“You know, people don't usually bring home casual partners, right?”
“There's nothing casual about us,” I promised. My cheeks burned, and I had to bury my face in my hands. I couldn't believe I was talking about my sex life to my dad, even if it was in a roundabout way. He wasn’t supposed to give me tips on who I should be bringing home. He was supposed to scream at me that no son of his would fuck men as he threw me out of the house.
“I don't get it.” Dad picked up his knife and started cutting again. At least now, I didn't have to worry that he was going to chase us out of the house using that blade. You say it’s not casual with Daniel, but what, you’re fooling around on him?”
“God, Dad, no! There is another guy,” I explained. “He's actually the reason all of us are together.”
