I'd seen him do something similar in the past, but I felt like my eyes were wide open for the first time in years. Was Matt like me? Is that what Colin and Daniel were being so cagey about before? I wanted to ask, hoping that maybe Matt could help me understand all these confusing feelings running through my brain. But that probably wasn't kosher. How in the hell was I supposed to figure this out if it was this huge, secret, taboo topic?
I pushed those thoughts out of my head and popped open my bottle. I leaned against the wall at the edge of the room. For the past year, I felt like this was my place, both literally and figuratively. I was constantly standing on the outside, watching everyone else live their lives.
When Jayden and Chase joined us, Brandon flashed me a subtle thumbs up. At least he was in my corner. I was glad someone knew about the bomb I was about to drop in the room.
“So, I bet you're all wondering why I called you in here tonight.” Matt chuckled and Jayden glanced around the room, his brow furrowed. “Shit. Is something going on with Daniel?”
Damn, I should have thought about how this would look until they knew what was happening.
“No. It's nothing like that,” I assured him. “He's at a study group right now, but he already knows what I have to say.”
Jayden relaxed a bit. I picked at the hem of my shirt, suddenly fascinated with the stained carpet beneath my feet. My mind wandered, thinking about how long they'd been there and if the roommates who had shared the suite before us carried around our level of drama.
“Well, this is utterly fascinating,” Jayden quipped. I nearly glared at him but stopped myself. If I'd been in his shoes, I likely would have been acting like just as much of an ass as he was. He’d never fully forgiven me for last year. It didn't matter what Brandon said, things hadn't been the same between us since the night I confronted him after too many drinks and a failed hookup attempt. He’d been an easy target for my frustration and it nearly destroyed our friendship.
“Let him talk,” Brandon scolded Jayden, then turned to me. “Remember what I said earlier.”
Matt twisted on the couch, his mouth gaping as he stared at his boyfriend. “Wait a minute. You know what this is all about?”
Brandon nodded.
“And you didn't tell me? I feel like I should be offended.” Matt slumped back in his seat, crossing his arms tightly over his chest as he stuck out his bottom lip. A grown man pouting shouldn’t be cute, but he was.
Brandon pressed his hand over Matt's mouth. “Believe it or not, there are some boundaries that normal people don't cross. And this wasn't my story to tell.”
“Somebody needs to start talking before we all start making assumptions,” Jayden barked, his patience wearing thin.
He was right. I sucked in a deep breath, preparing myself to explain why I was the way I was. But that isn't what happened. Maybe it was the alcohol, or possibly something I ate earlier in the day but, all of a sudden, my stomach revolted.
I wasn't even sure if my bottle had spilled all over the floor, as I set it down somewhere near the table before rushing to the bathroom. I fell to my knees, expelling everything I’d consumed that day. Why was this so hard now, when it had been so easy for me to tell Brandon my truth?
I curled my arm around the backside of the toilet seat, resting my forehead against it, suddenly grateful that Brandon insisted we all chip in to keep our suite from turning into a nasty science experiment. I breathed heavily, debating standing up and trying to go back out there. This was not how any of this was supposed to go.
There was a quiet knock at the door, and then someone walked in.
“I'll be out in the second,” I mumbled.
“I brought you a glass of water,” Chase said, offering me the plastic cup. He knelt next to me and started rubbing my back.
“How can you be so nice to me?” I asked.
“Because you looked like you needed a friend and Daniel isn't here,” he explained. “I know it's not the same, but I didn't want you to be alone if you're sick.”
Jesus, was everyone in Colin’s family this syrupy sweet?
“I'll be okay, Chase,” I promised him. “I think my nerves just got the better of me.”
Instead of leaving me, Chase sat on the floor, using the vanity like a backrest. “Anything you want to talk about? I know you're used to keeping everything bottled up, but maybe that's part of the problem, too.”
“You're probably right,” I agreed.
“So, why don't you tell me?”
“Again, why are you being nice to me? I was such a dick to you.” I sat up when I felt confident I wasn't going to go another round with the toilet bowl. I sipped the water Chase brought me, swishing it around my mouth before spitting it out.
He stood, grabbing a washcloth and wetting it. After I finished cleaning myself up, he tossed it into the sink. “I don't think you're a bad guy, Zach.”
“Could have fooled me when you used Jayden like a human shield last year. I'm surprised he's letting you be in here without him.” Shit, that was probably one of those things I said that made everyone think I was a dick. But it was the truth. Chase rarely went anywhere without checking in with his boyfriend, much like Matt. And if I was honest, a bit like me, too. I never really thought about it, but sincethat day, I’d texted Colin and Daniel to let them know what I was doing and where I was going.
