“What about me?” He’d asked the same question last night, and it was even more infuriating in the light of day.
“No one is selfless enough to help two guys get their heads out of their asses just to walk away,” I protested.
“It’s not like I wouldn’t get anything out of it,” he pointed out. “Listen, I’m not willing to insert myself in between the two of you in some sort of fairy tale where we’ll all ride off into the sunset together, but that doesn’t mean I’m not up for as many orgasms as we can share before the two of you realize you’re ready to close things between you down.”
“That’s still a huge stretch.” I couldnotget my hopes up that anything would come of this. It was probably even more likely that Zach would punch one of us as soon as he knew what we’d been talking about, and I’d wind up having to switch roommates for the rest of the year.
“Maybe, maybe not. Either way, I’m doing you a favor here.” He sat up a bit straighter. “If the two of you don’t fuck to relieve the sexual tension between the two of you, someone’s going to explode.”
I didn’t respond. Couldn’t, because there wasn’t much to say. We sipped our coffee in uncomfortable silence.
“What do you have planned for today?” Colin finally asked, asking acting as if we hadn't just been having one of the most bizarre conversations of my life.
I appreciated that about him. He wasn't the type to push too hard. He knew when to back off.
It should be easy to tell him where I was heading, but no one was ever happy with a simple answer. They wanted to know my motivations. I pressed my hands to my cheeks, hating the way I got embarrassed whenever I talked to someone who didn't know about my background. It was embarrassing to admit that my family was beyond poor. Most of the kids around here came from upper-middle-class families and they tended to look down on the kid they convinced themselves was only here as a charity case. And yeah, maybe I did get into Annandale on the financial need scholarship, but I busted my ass to earn every single grade I received.
Colin's hand slid higher on my thigh. “You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but I'm not going to judge you.” I didn't doubt that for a second. Colin was quickly coming to equal safety in my mind. He knew my deepest secrets but hadn’t told anyone. He didn’t chastise me.
“Most Saturdays, I go downtown to help with some housing projects,” I admitted.
“You mean, like, as in a shelter?”
I shook my head. Ididhelp at a couple of shelters in the winter, but as long as the weather was nice, I preferred to put my size to good use.
“It's a sort of like Habitat for Humanity,” I told him. “But it's all locally run. I found out about it from one of my professors freshman year and I've been helping ever since.”
“That’s cool as hell.” He stared at me as if he was trying to figure out a puzzle and I squirmed. “Why would that be something to be embarrassed about?”
“It's not, I suppose,” I conceded.
Colin leaned closer to me. “Then why did you blush and close yourself off when I asked you where you were going?”
“Most people want to know why I do it,” I admitted. “And that leads to a whole bunch of other questions I don't feel like answering. It's not that I don't trust you, it's just there's shit about me that isn't easy to talk about.”
“Don't all of us have shit like that? I don't know of anybody who doesn't have at least one skeleton in their closet. Hell, you already know most of my drama,” he pointed out. He slid closer to me, taking my hand in his. “When people meet me, they’re convinced that I’m lying to them.”
“About what?” I’d never heard Chase say anything bad about his brother. Last spring, he’d been concerned by Colin’s standoffishness and the behavior issues his parents swore he had, but now I was starting to realize he was screaming for a bit of freedom. Now that he was able to be his authentic self, he was a straight-shooter and a damned hard worker.
“Any number of things, I suppose.” He shrugged, taking a sip of his coffee. “If it's someone who knows my family, they don't believe that were not in some sort of crazy cult. And the ones who didn’t think that, liked to tell me how lucky I was to have parents who loved me.”
I pursed my lips, not wanting to offend him by admitting that was precisely what most of us thought when Chase started explaining about his childhood. But for us, it wasn’t one or the other, it was a mix of the two assumptions.
“And, yeah, we were lucky. Itwasn’tanything religious but with all of my mom’s crazy rules, most people didn’t believe us. The rest thought, rightly, that she was overprotective to a fault because of how much she loves us. Still, it wasn’t easy.” When he curled his legs beneath his body on the couch, he looked small, almost vulnerable. It was disconcerting to say the least. “But seriously, Daniel, helping those less fortunate than you is nothing to be ashamed of.”
He had no clue I went to help others because I had been where they were, and if I could help another single mom get into a safer home for her kids, I would wake up at the ass crack of dawn every single weekend. It was literally the least I could do.
“Are you the only one who goes?”
“Zach will go with me sometimes,” I admitted. “Don’t tell him I told you, but he likes going. We come from similar backgrounds and both of us like helping others have a better life.”
I realized too late that I’d tipped my hand. I held my breath, waiting for him to ask the inevitable questions. They never came.
“Is he going today?” He seemed as casual as could be.
“Not sure. I'll try waking him up when I go into get ready. He knows the drill. If he's ready to go by the time I leave, he can come with. Otherwise, he'll stay home.”
Colin’s smile faded. “Oh.”
