“Yeah, that’s one way to put it.” I tried to sound annoyed rather than needy. “If you don’t mind, I’m not really up for a conversation right now.”
“I know that.” He let out a frustrated grunt. “I just wanted to apologize if I came on too strong. If you don’t want to hang out, I wouldn’t blame you. It wasn’t cool of me to wedge my way into whatever’s going on between you and Zach.”
Shit. I’d been so wound up in my own insecurity, I hadn’t even considered he might have doubts this morning. Neither of us could claim last night happened because of alcohol, but it had definitely lowered our inhibitions. I had no clue what I was supposed to say to Colin now that he was so close to me. I couldn't even remember why I had been so riled up about his heavy handedness. I needed to say something, but this didn't feel like the time or the place. “Can you go start a pot of coffee? I’ll be out in a few minutes and we can talk.”
“We really don’t need to make this a huge thing,” Colin argued. “I know I fucked up. Didn’t sleep for shit because of it, and then I picked up my phone to text you an apology this morning and dug that hole even deeper.”
“Seriously, it’s not a huge deal,” I promised him. Butsomethingwas going to be big if he didn’t give me some space, and we didn’t need to confuse shit further by me yanking him into the shower with me so one of us could drop to our knees and suck off the other. “Just make the damn coffee.”
“Yeah. Cool. Whatever you say,” he stammered. My chest puffed up a bit with pride, knowing that I had flustered him. Good. He deserved to be the one caught off guard for a change.
After I heard the bathroom door close behind him, I quickly finished scrubbing my body, paying extra attention to certain areas. I really did need to get dressed and out the door, so it made no sense that I was making sure I was squeaky clean. Even if our plans for tonight weren't completely derailed, I'd have to take another shower once I got back from the job site.
Not only had Colin brewed a fresh pot of coffee by the time I joined him at the dining room table, he had also poured a mug for me and had it sitting on the counter.
“I wasn't sure what you took in yours. Sorry.” If I wasn't mistaken, Colin blushed as he dipped his chin to look away from me.
Seeing that settled something inside of me. It meant both of us were trying to figure out what the hell was going on. I poured in some of the flavored creamer everyone gave me shit about insisting we keep in the fridge and eased myself down on the couch. “I'm not upset about what happened last night. Yeah, it was unexpected but not unwelcome.”
“But you and Zach,” he protested.
“There is no me and Zach,” I argued. I lowered my voice, my gaze darting toward the bedroom door as if expecting the mere mention of his name to make him appear before us.
“You want there to be though,” he observed, quirking an eyebrow as if daring me to dispute his observation. I didn't bother denying it. Everyone else knew I was the pathetic fool with a crush on my straight roommate. Colin might as well know the same.
“It'll never happen,” I protested.
“Have you even bothered telling him how you feel?”
I shook my head and pursed my lips. My stomach flipped, churning the coffee and threatening to bring it back up.
“What if both of you are too damn stubborn to admit how you feel about the other?” He sipped his coffee, giving me time to think about his question. “I’ve seen the way the two of you dance around one another. Everyone in this suite sees it but the two of you.”
“I already told you, Zack's straight.”
“And I told you, I think you're wrong,” he countered.
“How can you be so sure?”
“Because I listen to what he means instead of the bullshit that comes out of his mouth.” I couldn't help but laugh. It sounded like he had spent enough time around Zach to realize he didn't mean half the shit he said. But I wasn't so sure Zach was lying about this. “Have you ever heard the quote he doth protest too much?”
I nodded. Of course I'd heard the famous quote. Hadn't everybody?
“I bet my first paycheck that's exactly what's going on with Zach. I don't know enough to know what's causing it, but with as quick as he is to insist he's all no-homo, I'm pretty sure there's some deep-seated internalized homophobia happening inside his thick noggin.”
I flopped back on the couch, cradling my coffee cup behind between my hands.
The memory of one particular night slammed into the front of my mind like a freight train. It was a particularly drunken adventure with a pretty brunette splayed out between Zach and me. At the time, I played off him running his hand up my thigh as him being too damn drunk to know which body parts belong to who. But now that I thought about it, he looked…almost hurt when I batted his hand away. As we walked out after orgasms all around, we both agreed to never speak of that night again. Now, I wasn't sure that would be possible.
I tensed when Colin sat down next to me, resting his hand on my knee. “Where did you get lost at just then?”
I shook my head. I wasn't ready to tell him. I couldn't admit that I had been such a fool.
“I'm not going to pressure you, but I want you to think about it.” Of course he wouldn’t. I didn’t know if it was because he felt guilty about how he’d behaved last night or because he was just that decent of a guy. Either were plausible. And through all of this, he never mentioned anything about himself.
I was intrigued by what he had to offer both of us, but I wasn’t about to use him. If we were even going to entertain the idea of the three of us together, we needed to be equal parts. If he thought he was going to be the rubber band that brought Zach and me together, it couldn’t work. Eventually, the pressure would cause him to snap and all of us would fall apart.
I swallowed hard around the lump in my throat. Something I felt like everything I'd wanted for the past three years was within my reach. And here was Colin, offering to be the man who untethered me, so I had the strength to step out of my comfort zone. “And what about you?”
