“Your what now?” Chase dug in his pocket and pulled out a tiny stuffed Pikachu. Whatever tethered it was buried in his fist. He looked around to make sure no one could see what he was about to show me, then held his hand close to his stomach as he uncurled his fingers. My eyes widened. I reached out to touch it but realized that probably wasn’t okay. “That’s so cool! And he didn’t have a problem with it?”
Chase shook his head. “No, but we came at this from a totally different place. We weren’t dating or anything, he just wanted to help me find a Daddy.”
“Well that seemed to work out pretty well,” I teased, bumping my shoulder against his. Even after he stuffed the pacifier back in his pocket, the little piece of plastic held my attention. “I wonder if I’d like one of those. I mean, I think I might. Brandon’s always telling me to quit chewing on my thumb. I couldn’t do that if I had a binkie of my own.”
“When you’re ready, let me know and I’ll give you the site where I get my stuff,” Chase offered. “Even if you aren’t buying anything, you might want to look around and see what you’re interested in.”
* * *
The one thingChase didn't bother mentioning to me was exactly how I was supposed to break the ice on the conversation I was about to have with Brandon. If I thought working up the courage to say,‘Hey, Brandon, I kinda like you and want to do dirty things to you’,then how in the hell was I supposed to say, ‘Hey, I know you signed up for a only slightly kinky relationship with a grown man, but what I really want is to be Daddy's special little boy’?
The answer? There wasn't one. There was absolutely no way in hell I could make this conversation any less awkward than it was already bound to be. Life would be so much easier if I could turn off this side of myself and be happy with being Brandon’s boyfriend.
As grateful as I was to have the room to myself, that gave me more time to obsess over all the ways tonight’s conversation could go horribly wrong.
Instead of being ready to talk with Brandon like a mature adult, I turned on a cheesy pop playlist, grabbed my noise canceling headphones so I didn’t have to hear Zach and Daniel whooping and hollering in the next room, and blasted music while I worked on my homework. Looking back, that was probably Brandon's first clue that something was up. I almost never did my assignments without at least some prodding. But give me an uncomfortable conversation and, suddenly, I was the most studious coed on campus.
I jumped when I felt Brandon's hand on my shoulder. He squeezed my shoulder while I tried to get my heart rate down to normal. “What's wrong?”
“Nothing. Nothing at all,” I lied. “I just wanted to get a head start on this assignment.”
“Now I know you're full of shit,” Brandon scoffed. “What happened today? You didn't say something stupid and upset Chase, did you?”
“No, nothing like that, I promise.” If anything, Chase was the one who freaked me out. He’d been closed off about so much, I hadn’t really expected him to open up the way he had. When we got back to the suite, he’d showed me the bag he still kept stowed under the bed so no one other than Jayden knew about his blankie and his stuffies. That made me sad because I wanted him to be proud of who he was. And now that I had admitted what I wanted to him it didn't feel right keeping that secret from Brandon.
“What do you say we take a break from the books tonight,” Brandon suggested. My eyebrows creased and I cocked my head side a little bit. Through all the years Brandon and I went to school together, I could count on one hand the number of times thathewanted to put off studying. If I included tonight, I’d have four fingers leftover. Brandon was irritatingly committed to his grades.
“Maybe I should be asking you what's wrong,” I suggested. I reached up like I was going to feel his forehead to see if he was running a temp. He swatted my hand away.
“Nothing’s wrong,” he reassured me. “But we haven't gotten to spend much time together and I miss you. Is that okay?”
I sat up and wrapped my arms and legs around Brandon's body. “Of course it's okay. I'm just not used to you saying you don't want to study.”
“It's not that I don'twantto study, but sometimes it's good to take a look at your priorities. I don't want you to feel like you don't matter. If something's on your mind, I want us to be able to talk about it.”
“I already told you, it's nothing.”
“And you'll have to forgive me if I don't believe you. So, were going to shut down for the night and cuddle up in my bed.”
“Why your bed?”
“Because I have a better view of the TV than you do,” he pointed out. He just had to rub that in. I was starting to see why none of our suitemates believed us when we said we weren’t a couple long ago. And really, it made sense that we fell into him being my Daddy. He had been for a long time, the difference now was we got the sexy times, too.
“I still say that doesn't make any sense. I watch way more TV than you, and yet you won't let me have the TV on my side of the room,” I complained. The argument got me nowhere last September when we were setting up everything and I doubted it would do me any good now. If anything, he’d probably ground me from the TV altogether if I was a brat.
“That's because you’d never get any sleep if I didn't limit your screen time.” My stomach did this funny little flip-flop. That was the type of thing a Daddy would say. Maybe the two of us had been headed down this path all along and I hadn't even realized it. He stood, helped me up, then gave me a playful swat on the ass. “Now, go get ready for bed. Otherwise you’re going to wake me up in the middle of the night when you decide you have to pee.”
I opened my mouth to promise I wouldn’t but we both knew that was a lie. He was crazy patient with me because Ihadto sleep by the wall, and I had a bad habit of trying to crawl over him instead of waking him. It never worked, but he never complained. He’d give me hell about it every chance he got, but when I stumbled back from the bathroom, he’d flip the blanket back so I could get comfy.
I thought about all the little things Brandon did for me as I took a leak and brushed my teeth. It really wouldn't be that far of a stretch for our relationship look more like Jayden and Chase’s. When I got back to our room, Brandon had picked out one of the classic Disney movies he knew I loved. I smiled and felt like someone was squeezing my heart. He hated anything animated but picked this out for our date night.
“We can watch something else if you want,” I told him. Brandon shook his head. “Are you sure?”
Brandon held out both of his hands and took mine, dragging me onto the bed next to him. “I'm positive, Matt. Something's bothering you and I want to help you relax.”
“But that doesn't mean you need to be bored.”
“One of these days, you're going to realize that I’m never bored when we’re together. True, I wouldn’t choose to rot my brain watching cartoons, but it's fun to watch you enjoying them. I don't think you even realize how you sing along with all the songs and recite every line in every movie. Sometimes, I envy you.”
