5
Matt
How were you supposed to tell the guy you just started dating that when you called him Daddy before you were even together, it wasn’t just a playful jab? I mean, so it was, but it was more than that, too. I wasn’t sure how or when it had happened, but that was just how I thought of him. Brandon was the man who loved me and took care of me. Without him, I doubted I would have made it this far in school. Now that I knew that he was possibly the world’s best kisser and how he sounded when he came, I wanted more.
The problem wasn’t whether he’d give me what I needed, but if he’d be into it. But first, I had to figure out how in the hell totell himwhat I couldn’t stop imagining every time I jerked off after he went home at night. Or that my spank bank was fucking technicolor since he’d teased me about telling me when I was allowed to jerk off and that I’d do it because I wanted to please him.
Isofucking did. It would be one more way I could get him to call me a good boy.
“Are you almost ready?” Mom hollered from the top of the stairs. For as much as she always grumbled about how she hated feeling like the Williams family’s charity case, she looked forward to spending time with them on Christmas. And this year, Brandon had insisted on us coming over for Christmas Eve, too.
I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. That was time his parents reserved for their nuclear family without all the aunts, uncles, and cousins. I didn’t want his parents to feel like we were encroaching on their time, but when I’d told him as much, Brandon had given me the look that said I was being ridiculous. And then, he had to go and tell me there would be prime rib. My determination to not rock the boat was no match for a roast that was guaranteed to be so tender it almost fell apart in my mouth.
“Just about,” I called back even though she was probably two floors above me in her own room trying to get ready. She’d worked all day helping the shoppers who always seemed surprised when the end of the shopping season rushed up on them. Maybe I should have asked if she wanted to stay home and relax tonight. She was probably wiped out and tired of dealing with people.
I flipped through the hangers in my closet, trying to figure out what to wear, not that it really mattered. I always felt like a slob when I went to Brandon’s house. Their family was all name brands and the latest trends, and we were thrift stores and clearance racks at the big box store. Tonight, I had the added dilemma of not knowing if Christmas Eve was a dress up or casual affair. In a bizarre way, I liked that there were still things I didn’t know about Brandon and his family. That meant both of us had things to learn about the other.
Okay, so ‘I want you to spank me and discipline me when I’m naughty’ didn’t exactly equate ‘Is tonight supposed to be comfy clothes or a black-tie affair?’ but it eased my mind a little bit.
The next time Mom pounded on the basement door, I was still standing in front of my closet wearing nothing but a pair of purple boxer briefs with unicorns all over them. “Matt, we’re going to be late if you don’t get your ass upstairs.”
“I’ll be there in a minute.” I picked up my phone and debated texting Brandon. This was the type of shit I sucked at. If we were at school, Brandon would have pushed me aside, pulled something off the hanger, and tossed it to me. But here, I was on my own. That shit sucked.
The entire drive across town, I picked at the pilling on the sweater I’d settled on. It was all wrong, but it felt like a good middle ground. And as a bonus, if I got there and everyone was dressed down, I could pull off the sweater and just wear my t-shirt and dark wash jeans. Then again, casual to them was semi-dressy for me.
“You seem really nervous tonight.” Mom swatted my hand away from my sweater. “You keep that up and you’re going to wind up naked from the waist up with a pile of yarn in your lap.”
“I should have worn one of my button-downs,” I grumbled.
“Matt, you’re starting to worry me. We've been spending Christmas with Brandon and his family since the two of you were kids. Why are you suddenly obsessing over what you're wearing? It's not like the Queen is going to be there or anything,” she mused.
I glared at her before remembering she had no clue what was at stake tonight. Granted, no one might know what was going on between Brandon and me, but it still felt important for me to make a good impression on them. Someday, they would know the two of us were more than just friends, and I didn't want them looking back on the night they had invited us to be part of their smaller family celebration and think of me as the hot mess that I was.
“I know you're right. But this isn't the big family,” I reminded her. “It's just going to be us and Brandon's parents and siblings. It feels different.”
“I'm sure it does. But then again, it's not. Is there something going on between you and Brandon? Things have felt different between the two of you since you came home for break. Are things not going well at school?”
“No, that's not it at all.” Everything was just fine at school. Of course, part of me was worried about how we would navigate spring semester. While we were home, it was easy trying to figure out what we wanted from the other. If things got too intense, we could escape to our respective homes. Once we headed back to Annandale, there would be no escape. And if he got sick of my shit, there was the potential for drama with the roommates. We’d had enough of that drama last semester with Jayden and his sack of shit roommate. It still shocked the hell out of me that we hadn’t needed to bail Jayden out for crucifying that dick. If he’d said the shit he said about my mom that he spewed about Jayden’s mom, I’d have leveled his sorry ass.
Then again, we also wouldn't have to worry about our families demanding our time or giving us their unsolicited opinions on whether we were making a huge mistake and risking our friendship. Both of us were well aware what was at stake and had agreed there was no way to avoid the risk.
If we didn't at least see what could come for the two of us, eventually, curiosity would get the better of us. And by us, I totally meant me. While I didn't doubt Brandon was genuinely interested in me, I also knew him well enough to believe he would be just fine if we didn't work out. Hell, he would probably be the one trying to reassure me our friendship would survive as I was trying to mend my broken heart.
As if I’d manifested the pain, I felt a sudden tightness in my chest. I pressed a fist against my rib cage, trying to ease the discomfort. I didn’t even want to think about the possibility of us being wrong about this. I was already at least halfway in love with Bran.
Getting lost in my own head was a great way to pass the time, and before I knew it, mom was pulling up in front of the Williams home.
Mom turned off the car then pivoted in her seat to face me. She rested a hand on my knee. “If you're not up to this, we can go home. I'm not going to pressure you to talk to me, but I know you're lying. Something's going on between the two of you, and I hope that eventually you’ll trust that you can open up to me. Whatever it is, keeping it bottled up isn’t going to help.”
“At some point, but not now,” I promised her. I doubted we’d get through break without her realizing what was going on, but I wanted just a little bit of time for it to be just us first. Once we knew what we were doing, then we could confess to our parents and hope they didn’t freak about us living together when they were smart enough to know we weren’t going to be celibate little schoolboys in our suite. I twisted around and grabbed the plate of cookies Mom had neatly arranged. Luckily, she hadn’t tried baking this year. The kitchen wasnother area of expertise. “Let’s get in there before Brandon thinks we’re going to run away.”
As it turned out, I had nothing to be worried about. Because Brandon's mom had already set the table and put the finishing touches on her elaborate decorations in preparation for tomorrow, tonight was a completely casual affair. Brandon looked hot as fuck in a pair of jeans that fit so well they looked tailored and a hunter green henley that made his eyes look like emeralds. While mom took her cookie offering to the kitchen, I excused myself to Brandon’s room and stripped out of my sweater. Unfortunately, then I felt under-dressed, so I raided his closet for another of his extensive collection of long-sleeved casual shirts.
Brandon chuckled as he gave me a long down-up appraisal when I joined the rest of the family in the kitchen. Fuck, he couldnotkeep looking at me like that or I was going to drag him back up to his room and drop to my knees. He kept stealing glances, flashing me cocky smirks as if silently telling me he knew exactly what I was thinking about. I was really starting to get annoyed that we hadn’t gone any further than a couple of make out sessions and that hot as fuck jerk off session so far. That shit needed to change ASAP.
Before I could embarrass myself by sneaking off to rub one out, Brandon’s mom called everyone into the kitchen to say grace. That was another glaring difference between our families. It was only in recent years that Brandon’s family stopped going to midnight mass on Christmas Eve, and even now, his dad would grumble about it. Mom and I only saw the inside of a church when there was a damned good reason. If I wasn’t already going to hell, getting hard when Brandon’s arm brushed against mine while his father led us in prayer would probably get me a ticket on the express train.
It was strange to have what I consider to be a crazy fancy meal served on paper plates, but to everyone else it seemed completely normal. Once everyone was served, Brandon sat next to me on the floor. Under the coffee table, he rested a hand on my thigh. “Hey, are you okay?”
