No, I was not fucking okay. I wanted to kiss him but, so far, there hadn't been an opportunity for the two of us to sneak away. When we first got here, Brandon was busy in the kitchen putting the final touches on dinner, and then there were too many people around. I hated feeling like we were sneaking around, but I respected Brandon's request that we hold off until after Christmas so his mom wasn't worried about us on top of freaking out about everything being perfect for the family holiday. It was strange to see how alike and different the two of them could be at times.
“I'm good,” I lied.
“You’re a shitty liar, that's what you are,” Brandon whispered to me. I glanced around to see if anyone noticed how close his face was to mine. “Would you want to crash here tonight? I can't think of a better way to wake up on Christmas morning than with you in my arms.”
I never thought I would be the type to get drawn in by what sounded like a cheesy pick-up line, but my heart melted a bit. That really did sound like the best gift ever. Well, second best, because there was something else I’d like a hell of a lot more, but there was nothing to say one couldn’t lead to the other.
“I need to check with my mom,” I told him. “I don't want her to feel like I’m abandoning her. We always open stockings on Christmas morning before coming over here.”
“If you want, I could probably crash at your place instead,” Brandon suggested.
“Don't you need to be here to help your mom out the morning?”
“Yeah, but not until a little bit later.” He scrubbed a hand over his face. “If you're not ready for things like waking up together on the holidays, tell me. I don't want to screw this up with you, Matt.”
He was worried about screwing things up with me?That was the funniest shit I'd heard all day. No way would he be the one to screw up our relationship.
“No, it's not that,” I assured him. “I just don't want your family thinking I’m taking up too much of your time.”
“They won't.”
They totally would. Brandon didn’t know how many times I’d heard his dad complain when we were kids about me being over at their place so much he should’ve been able to claim me on his taxes. It was only how well I knew them that I didn’t get upset about it. He wasn’t trying to be a dick, but I knew there had been times when he wished I’d stay home.
“But how are you going to explain it to them? You have to admit, it's going to sound strange as hell if you tell them you want to go home with me tonight just to come back here in morning.”
“Then maybe we should tell them what's going on,” Brandon suggested.
“You were the one who wanted to wait,” I pointed out.
“Yeah, but maybe I was wrong. I don't know why I thought it was important to hold off, but now it just feels like a huge inconvenience. I want to be with you, Matt, and that includes not waking up without you tomorrow morning.” He slipped his hand into mine under the table and gave my fingers a quick squeeze. Even if we were being careful about no one seeing, it was nice sitting in his family’s living room with him like this.
As much as I wanted to say yes, we should absolutely come out to our parents tonight, if they didn't like us being together, it would make things awkward tomorrow. But if I told Brandon where my head was at, he might think that meant I wasn't serious about him and I totally fucking was.
“Let's play it by ear,” I suggested. As his nephews ran screeching through house, I added, “Besides, maybe they’ll believe you just said you wanted to get away from the chaos for the night. I mean, they’re cute but I sure as shit wouldn’t blame you if you wanted a bit of peace and quiet.”
“But will it really be any better at your house?” Brandon teased. “I mean, at least if you stayed here, you would have someone to watch cartoons with in the morning.”
“It’s not my fault you can’t appreciate good TV.”
Brandon rolled his eyes. “Whatever. You’re such a child.”
“True, but you love me anyway.” As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I wished I could call them back. It was a flippant remark that would have meant nothing two weeks ago, but everything was different now. Did I love Brandon? Yep. And he loved me, in a way. But it felt wrong to say shit like that now, when we were starting this whole new phase of our relationship.
Brandon glanced around, noticed we were alone in the living room—a true Christmas miracle—and slipped his hand around the back of my neck. He leaned in so our foreheads were pressed together. “Relax, Matty. I know what you meant, and you’re right. I do.”
Fuck, I needed my traitorous dick to get the message that he hadn’t said he wasin lovewith me.
6
Brandon
“You and Matt sure seem to be cozy,” Mom observed as I helped her finish cleaning the kitchen. I glanced over my shoulder to see Matt laying on his stomach between my nephews. All three of them had their chins propped in their hands and were kicking their feet back and forth as they watchedPolar Express. Matt kept pointing out little tidbits about the movie as he tried to explain the message of the movie to the kids. It was strange to see him being the grown up of the group.
“Well, yeah.” I fumbled around my brain, trying to figure out what I was supposed to say to that. Matt and I had always been close so this wasn't exactly news to anyone. “That tends to happen when you’re best friends most of your lives and you share a room at school.”
The lie tasted bitter in my mouth. She’d just swung the door wide open. I could have told her why I’d been so twitchy tonight instead of trying to come up with a valid reason to spend the night with Matt rather than with my family like we did every year.
Mom's shoulders tensed as she reached for a towel and dried her hands. She spun around and leaned against the edge of the counter. Her lips were pursed tightly, and she narrowed her eyes. “Have I done something to make you feel like you can't talk to me, Brandon?”
