Theron
As I sat next to Sam, feeding him bites of chicken strips and carrot sticks, it was difficult to remain upset about him canceling our first date. And yes, I’d known from the moment he called that his course work wasn’t the full reason he’d backed out of dinner, but I hadn’t called him out on it. Hearing him own his fears both broke my heart and made it swell with pride.
“Are you full, Sammy?” Yeah, I’d noticed the way he smiled when I called him that the first time, so I was going to keep doing it.
“Yes, Sir.”
So damned polite. He pushed the plate to the center of the table. I got up, quickly grabbing a washcloth. He smirked when I lifted a hand, wiping it clean before repeating the action with his other hand. No, they weren’t dirty, but this was more about the routine than necessity.
“Let me see that moosh, Sammy,” I urged him. He gave me a goofy grin when our gazes met. He giggled and squirmed when I wiped his face. I bent down, kissing his forehead. “There, all clean. Now, do you want to go cuddle on the couch while we talk?”
“Can we have a fire?”
I rarely used the gas fireplace in the sitting room, but if my boy wanted one, we’d have one. “Absolutely.”
Sam’s hand slid into mine as soon as he hopped off the high chair at my dining table. I’d often thought about replacing it because it was cumbersome and an awkward height, but watching Sam swing his legs back and forth had been adorable. My heart had twisted a bit when I’d left him to get our lunch and saw how innocent he looked.
In the past, I’d been with boys who I met through friends or at the club and we’d never sat down to talk about limits, preferences, and everything like that. The conversations still happened, of course, but it wasn’t anything formal. It hadn’tneededto be because things had been casual. A scene here, a limited-time arrangement there, and no one had any expectations that it would turn into something more. But with Sam, everything was different. He didn’t strike me as the type to do casual, and my inner Daddy had no desire to be something casual in his life. Once he gave me the green light, I fully expected things between us to progress rapidly. That was a fact that both excited and terrified me.
I settled into the corner of the couch and pulled Sammy into my lap. He came easily, wiggling around until his legs were stretched out on the cushions beside us. His arms were wrapped around my neck, his cheek pressed to the side of my head. “I like this. I could go my entire life without having sex, but I’ve always wondered what it would be like to cuddle with someone who wasn’t just a friend.”
I rubbed slow circles over Sam’s back, giving him time to gather his thoughts. As closed off as he was most of the time, I didn’t want to do anything to threaten the thoughts he felt comfortable sharing.
“I know you probably think I’m a basket case,” he continued.Thatwas something we would be addressing in the very near future. Yes, there was obviously something in Sam’s past that had traumatized him, but that didn’t mean I thought any less of him. The exact opposite was true. Sam was one of the strongest, bravest men I knew. No matter what happened between us in the future, I wouldneverforget the way he stared through me as he readied himself to come out to me. And, fuck, I hated that that was something he felt he needed to do. Yes, it was something we would have obviously had to deal with because no one wanted an unexpected surprise as part of foreplay, but he’d been prepared for me to walk away, and that was pretty fucked.
“No, sweetheart. I think you’re scared because this is something new for you.” I hoped it would ease his mind to hear my thoughts. “But you’re not the only one who’s scared. This is new for me, too. And no matter how much I want to believe you being trans doesn’t matter, I’m fully aware there will be moments we have to work through. And we will. Together. I’m scared, too, Sam. If I ever did or said something to make you feel any less than the amazing man you are, I’d never forgive myself.”
“I know.” Sam pressed his palm to my cheek. “That’s part of why I don’t feel unsafe talking to you here. It’s better this way, but there aren’t many men I could trust enough to be alone in private with.”
“But how do you know?” As much as I’d love to believe he was trusting his gut, I’d learned just enough about Sam to know that would never happen. He was careful, calculated, and cautious of everyone around him.
He squirmed on my lap, tightening his arms around my neck. Oh, this was going to be good. He was obviously embarrassed. I slid my hand to his hip, sliding my thumb under the hem of his t-shirt. “Tell me, sweetheart. How did you know I was safe? Have you been checking up on me?”
“Maybe,” he mumbled.
“That’s a very smart boy,” I praised him. “You can never be too careful, and I’m proud of you for asking about me before anything happened. I’m assuming you received positive references?”
“You make it sound like you were applying for a job.” Sam giggled. That was going to become my favorite sound.
“I am, in a way. If you accept me, I will take my job as your Daddy very seriously,” I promised him, then held him tighter. “But first, I think we need to be clear about the job duties, so I know if I’ll be able to fulfill your expectations to the best of my ability.”
“You’re silly.” Sam laughed again, a bit louder this time. “Being my Daddy shouldn’t be like a job. It should be fun.”
“Oh, I have no doubt it will be,” I assured him. “So, tell me, Sammy, what do you want your Daddy to do for you?”
“I don’t know.” If he wasn’t slipping into a little headspace, I would have called him on his bullshit. William and I had talked a bit more the other night once Sam went to work, and I knew he’d tailored the playroom at the club to be his own little fantasy world—pun intended. He probably knew more about the lifestyle than half of those who were active in it, but from what William knew, he’d never done anything more than think about what the future could hold. I wanted to be the one to make his fantasies reality.
“Would you like to try again?” I used my principal voice on him. It wasn’t full-on Daddy, but close. He needed to be eased into the dynamic, but not too slowly. “Tell me what you think about when you imagine what having a Daddy would be like. Do you want a strict Daddy who will discipline you when you break the rules, or do you want a loving Daddy who will take care of you and play with you?”
“Would it be greedy to want both?”
“Absolutely not. That’s my favorite, too,” I admitted. There was nothing that brought me more satisfaction than being the person my boy turned to, but there was also something to be said for knowing he wasn’t going to be able to follow every rule to the letter and then being able to punish him. “How are you even real?”
“I feel the same way about you,” Sam admitted. Crap. I hadn’t meant to say that out loud, but I wouldn’t take it back, especially when the feelings were mutual. “I don’t want to ruin a good day, but I need to tell you I’m not sure about the sex stuff. I mean, I’d like to take care of you and there are things that feel good to me, but intercourse is something I’m not sure about.”
“That’s not something we need to worry about right this minute.” I’d spent more than a little time over the weekend reading up on what to expect when in a relationship with a trans man. Yes, the differences were very obvious, but I didn’t want to make any assumptions. Whatever his limitations, I was willing to respect him. Sex wasn’t the be-all of a relationship to me. “I know you have schoolwork to get done, but what would you say about a shopping trip first?”
Sam’s back arched and his jaw cracked when he yawned. I took a closer look, not happy about the dark circles under his eyes. “Sorry. Yeah, we can do that if you want. But I can’t spend much. I’m trying to save my money so I can get an apartment of my own once our lease is up.”
