Sam
Monday came and went without a date. I felt bad, but I couldn’t do it. Every time I tried getting ready to go, my mind conjured up yet another worst-case scenario about how I’d make a total fool of myself and Theron would never want to see me again. No matter how many times I reminded myself that William said he was a great guy or that he knew about me and still wanted to see me, I couldn’t do it. Putting myself out there to date was even harder than coming out had been.
Theron hadn’t thought anything of it when I told him I was behind on my schoolwork. He even told me I was a good boy for prioritizing my education. That made me feel even worse because it was a half-truth. I didn’t deserve his kind words when I’d lied to him.
Maverick0808: You’re an idiot.
Sammy1995: Tell me something I don’t know.
Maverick0808: I think you’ve underestimated him. You’re still giving Anthony power over your happiness. He doesn’t deserve that.
Sammy1995: I am not. This isn’t about him.
Maverick0808: Bullshit. It’s totally about him. You know I love the hell out of you, but you need to pull your head out of your ass before it’s too late. CALL HIM.
Sammy1995: It’s probably already too late. And what would I say?
Maverick0808: $20 says it’s not. Ask him if you can set a new date. And this time, don’t punk out. GTG. I expect an update after work.
Sammy1995: Yes, Dad.
Ugh. Sometimes I hated Maverick. I’d accuse him of being a cocky shit, but he was the exact opposite. Most of the time, he worried far too much about others and ignored his own needs.
Maverick0808: You only wish. But, not really, because I think you know who you want to be your Daddy and you’re scared.
I shut down the chat window without responding. It amazed me that someone I had never met knew me so well. When we’d first started chatting in an online forum for Daddies and boys, I’d briefly thought he was a Daddy and I’d imagined what it would be like to be his boy. Long distance wasn’t ideal, but I knew there were other Daddies and boys who made it work. When I’d proposed the idea to him, he’d very gently let me know that, even though he listed himself as a switch, he was pretty sure he wouldn’t be the right Daddy for me. That was a sad day but, since then, we’d forged our own special relationship.
I’d barely gotten through a page of the reading I needed to do for the next piece of my project when my phone chimed with a notification.
Hi sweetheart. Did you finish your project?
I smiled at the screen, allowing myself to believe that maybe Maverick was right, and all hope wasn’t lost.
Not yet, but I’m getting close. I’m sorry for canceling the other night.
Don’t ever feel like you have to apologize for that. School comes first. It would be hypocritical for me to say otherwise.
It took me a second to understand what he was saying, but once I realized he was referring to his job, I laughed. And smiled again. Dammit. How did he chip away at my defenses so easily?
Did you eat lunch today?
As if my digestive system somehow read the message and wanted to rat me out, my stomach rumbled. Crap.
I was trying to get through some research.
That’s not what I asked. Should I assume that means you didn’t take a break to eat?
No.
I could have lied, but I wouldn’t. Him reaching out to me meant I hadn’t totally blown it by canceling an hour before I was supposed to meet him at Marino’s on Monday. Lying was also a shitty way to start any sort of relationship, and the guilt was eating at me.
That’s not good, sweetheart.
I know.
Tell me where you want to eat, and I’ll meet you there.
I stared at the stack of books on my desk. I had a rare moment of peace at the house because the roommates were all at class or work. I shouldn’t blow off this uninterrupted time. And yet…
