3
Jayden
As it turned out,Chase was a psych major and we had three classes together this semester. I’d considered the undergrad psych program, but then decided to focus on neuroscience instead. That meant we had a built-in study buddy for a lot of work, and our suite wound up being the go-to destination for larger group work.
I’d spent more time during the first two weeks of the semester studying Chase than I had paying attention in class. He was fascinating to me and if pressed, I’d tell my professors I was hoping to use my roommate as a research subject for our Social Psychology course. The keys to unlocking the bits of his personality he tried locking away were right there for the taking if I just paid close enough attention.
We’d fallen into an easy routine. Every morning, he snuck out of bed and turned off my alarm before gently shaking me awake. He pretended he wasn’t checking me out, and I pretended to ignore his rather impressive morning wood. He was adorable when he caught me checking him out. Red creeped up his neck and over his face as he turned in on himself, as if that would keep me from seeing the very happy hello certain parts of his body were trying to give me.
He was still nervous about hanging out with the entire suite, but he was slowly but surely coming out of his shell. I wondered if it had something to do with his old roommate, who he’d mentioned a few times, but I didn’t want to push the issue when it felt like we were forging a tentative friendship.
“Are you sure you’re going to be okay this weekend?” I asked as I crammed my dirty clothes into a bag. I’d skipped going home last weekend, telling him my mom had plans and I wasn’t up for hanging on my own. It was a white lie, but I figured he’d forgive me for that quicker than he’d get over me staying so he wouldn’t hide out in the room for two days.
“I’m fine,dad,” Chase teased. He had textbooks and notes strewn all over his bed. It wasn’t even eight in the damn morning and he was hard at work. I tossed a wadded-up t-shirt at him. Without even glancing up from the computer screen, he snatched it out of the air and returned it.
“You’re still welcome to come with me if you’d rather get away and have some peace and quiet to study,” I offered, even though I knew he’d refuse. “Once she knows about you, I’m not sure how long I’ll be able to hold her off before she shows up and insists on taking both of us to dinner just so she can make sure her baby boy isn’t sleeping next to a sadistic killer.”
“Is that often an issue for you?” He flipped onto his stomach, kicking his feet against the end of the bed as he squinted at the computer screen.
I hated to disrupt him when he was so focused on his assignment, but he was still using my spare set of sheets. Sure, hecouldtake them to the laundry room when he washed his own clothes, but the machines here always made everything smell funky, and I didn’t want to rest my head on a musty pillow when he eventually got his own bedding. “You know, you could study at the desk or down in the lounge like a normal person.”
Chase flinched, closing his eyes and drawing a few slow breaths. That was…odd. He slammed the lid of his laptop and gathered his papers into a messy stack as he hopped out of the bed. He wouldn’t look at me as he moved to the desk.
“Hey, I didn’t mean anything by it,” I said, still not sure what had set him off. “You’re going to hurt like hell if you sit in the bed studying all day, that’s all.”
“It’s fine,” he responded sharply. When he opened the laptop, he started typing with more force.
If he wasn’t so touchy right now, I’d have pointed out that was bad for the computer or asked what the computer had done to offend him. But it wasn’t the laptop or his work that had him upset; it was me. I’d said the wrong thing, although I wasn’t sure how an off-handed comment could evoke that sort of visceral reaction.
“It’s not fine,” I argued. I needed to get going but I wasn’t leaving things on a bad note between us. Chasealwayssaid things were fine. He never stood up for himself. It was annoying. “You’re pissed off at me and I don’t like it. I mean, I get that I say stupid shit sometimes, but this time I’m totally lost. Tell me so I don’t do it again.”
“It’s not you, okay?” Chase twisted his fingers through his hair. “It’s my baggage to deal with. I know you didn’t mean anything by it, but…”
“But what?” I crouched down next to him. He startled when I rested a hand on his knee but didn’t shove me away. And, within seconds, he relaxed. The way he reacted under my touch had me wishing it wouldn’t be weird as hell if I scooped him up and held him so he could get out everything he held inside. I couldn’t even explain why, but my brain insisted that was something Chase needed. “I’m not leaving until you finish that sentence, so if you don’t want my mom mad at me for missing breakfast, you’d better speak up.”
“You’re ridiculous.” Chase rolled his eyes.
“Yeah, pretty much. And you’re stalling,” I pointed out.
“Do you remember me telling you I moved out because my roommate and I couldn’t get along?” I nodded, not bothering to point out, yet again, that his former roommate must have been the asshole because Chase was pretty easy-going, other than these brief moments and his reluctance to open up to people. “One of his favorite jabs last semester was about me not being normal. It hurt because, at one point, he and I had been friends.”
“So, you’re saying he’s a raging homophobe?”
“Am I that obviously gay?” Chase blanched. I backed up, turning his chair so his legs were on either side of me. The position was too intimate for friends, but dammit, I wanted him to understand there wasn’t a damn thing wrong with being who he was. “I don’t make you uncomfortable, do I?”
I glanced down at myself and then up at him, laughing. “I feel like I should be the one asking you that question since I’m inyourpersonal space.”
“I like that you don’t get weirded out by touching or being close like this,” Chase admitted, his voice small and uncertain.
“Good. Because I’m a touchy-feely guy,” I responded. It was totally true. Mom was a hugger and she’d passed that on to me. When my Uncle William moved in, I’d expected him to try and break me of the habit, but it seemed he was just as affectionate. People looked at him and expected a badass, but he was a teddy bear who seemed almost proud of me for not holding back. My family was weird, but I wouldn’t trade them for the world. “As for you beingobviouslygay, I don’t know. I mean, I wasn’t even sure at first, but have you seen how your head turns when a cute guy walks past us? I figured it out because I know that look. I’m pretty sure the increase in hot eye candy was the reason I wound up going to the chiropractor freshman year.”
If Chase had been standing, he’d have staggered backward at my roundabout admission. “Wait.You’regay?”
“Uh, yeah.” This was one of those times being raised in the family I was, mademethe oddball. I’d known since I was little that my uncle and his friends were gay. I hadn’t had to worry about coming out to my mom. His surprise made me realize that maybe I could have helped him relax and settle in if he’d seen there was nothing to worry about with being gay. “But we’re not talking about me, you’re supposed to be explaining why you got upset with me.”
“I told you, I’m not upset with you,” he reiterated with a sigh. “I need to get over myself. I know you didn’t mean anything. And he’s not a homophobe. He was weird at first about it but then he relaxed. It was…other things that made him say that.”
“What sort of things?” I pressed because it was obvious he needed to get this out of his system. Not being pushy was great, but if it was tying him up in knots, I’d try a different tactic.
