And there’s the real issue.
“What about sex?” I provided, finishing the question he couldn’t bring himself to answer.
“Yeah, that,” he confirmed. He got up to stir the spaghetti sauce and put the pan of nuggets and tots into the oven. I checked the time on my phone and noticed a text from Chase.
Matt wants to play a little longer. Is that okay?No matter how many times I told him he didn’t have to ask permission, he always did. It was one piece of our dynamic that allowed him to feel connected to his little side when he had to be big.
Yeah, that’s fine but dinner’s going to be ready soon.
Before he responded, I sent a second message. There was a way I could help Brandon and Matt sort out their shit, and I was pretty sure Chase would love my suggestion.What do you say we go out tonight? The playroom is open at the club.
His response took long enough that I worried he was going to make an excuse again.Can we invite Matt? I think he wants to play, too. He’s been acting funny.
That’s a great idea, buddy. I’ll ask Brandon.As much as he’d love for me to think it was his big heart that had him asking if Matt and Brandon could come with us, I knew it was just as much for his benefit as theirs. I’d suggested the club a few times, hoping he could find other littles to play with, but he’d been nervous about going when he didn’t know anyone. This gave him a safety net.
Thank you, Daddy. Love you.
My heart melted a little, the same as it did every time he uttered those words. The week after we’d first expressed our feelings, our roommates started making gagging noises. Apparently, we’d been a bit over the top. Someday, the tables would turn, and I’d laugh my ass off when they couldn’t hold back.
Love you, too. Home in 30, please.
Yes, Daddy. I’ll make sure Matt doesn’t go for ice cream.
Tell him he won’t get a treat tonight if he does.It may not be my place to threaten consequences, but Matt was cute as fuck when he let glimpses of his little side peek to the surface. If he knew a treat was on the line, he’d make sure they walked through the door with a minute to spare.
“See, that’s the shit that I want.” Brandon tipped his beer bottle in my direction as he came back from the kitchen.
“What?” I asked, totally playing dumb.
“You get this stupid look on your face when you’re texting with Chase. It’s like he’s the center of your world. And he needs you as much as you need him.” He started pacing back and forth, kicking someone’s shoes against the wall. Probably Zach’s. He was the pig of the suite. “I want that shit, you know, but I’m not sure I can do the rest of it.”
“Okay, so first of all, you don’t know yet if he’s truly little or just curious. He could try it and see it’s not something he wants,” I explained. I closed my eyes and thought about what William would say if he was the one here talking to Brandon. “All that shit you said you want, that’s part of being a good Daddy. And I get it, man. I fucking love the way Chase turns to me when he’s having a rough time and needs to get away from his adult side for a while. Knowing that I’m the one who can make his stress melt away? That’s the most powerful shit there is.”
“But the sex…” Brandon was obsessed with this one aspect, and we were getting close to the line I didn’t feel comfortable crossing.
I held up a finger and pulled out my phone.Buddy, how much have you told Matt about what we do?
“If you don’t want to talk about it, I’ll understand.” He sounded utterly defeated. I prayed William was at the club tonight if we went, because I was quickly drowning here. Brandon needed someone who knew what the fuck he was doing to help him, not me. I still questioned myself almost daily.
“It’s not that,” I reassured him. I stared at the phone and tapped my foot. They were playing games on their damn phones; there was no way he hadn’t seen my message. “Checking in with Chase real quick.”
“Oh, cool.”
Um, enough? Why?
Brandon’s asking questions,I responded.Anything you don’t want me telling him?
No, it’s fine.
“Sorry about that,” I apologized as I tucked my phone away. “Chase worries about people knowing about him because of some shit that went down with his old roommate, so I wanted to make sure it was okay if we talk when he’s not here.”
Brandon seemed to relax a bit once I admitted that even though we fooled around when Chase was little, penetration was something that had only happened when he was big. It wasn’t something I’d told Chase I needed, but he seemed more comfortable keeping a bit of separation. And I didn’t tell Brandon how easily he slipped back once we were done; the way he needed me to hold him as he came down was too special to share, even with one of my best friends.
The only strange thing about the entire conversation was how normal it felt. Just a few months ago, being with someone who was into age play wouldn’t have crossed my mind. In fact, it was something I probably would have shied away from, insisting I could never find things like diapers, binkies, story time, and cuddling attractive. Now, I was trying to reassure a friend that he could do this, that it didn’thaveto be a deal breaker.
“Before the boys get back, I wanted to tell you about a place that might help you dip your toes in the water, so to speak.” The timer went off and I got up. The food in the oven had been my idea, so it was my responsibility. I turned off the oven but didn’t take out the food just yet. I wanted it to be hot when Chase and Matt got home. “My uncle works at a place called The Lodge. It’s a kink club, but things in the front area are pretty tame. They just opened a new playroom and I have been trying to get Chase to go again. I think he’d be more willing if he had a friend to play with.”
Framing this as a favor wasn’t the most straight-forward, but if there were two guys whoneededa safe space, it was them. I knew how much it had helped Chase to realize there were other people like him, and The Lodge was the perfect place for someone who didn’t know where he fit. I could picture Matt wandering around the playroom, exploring the different areas.
