“I have to get back out there, but call me if you have any questions, okay?” William pulled his nephew in for a quick hug. That was to be expected, but it stung seeing how close he was to his family. My parents had isolated us away from our extended family. And even if we were close, there’s no way I’d ever feel this easy acceptance when they found out I was gay. They all had their assumptions but, until now, nothing had been confirmed. I nearly cried when William turned to me next, hugging me tight. “I know it’s not easy to go after what you want, but you’ll be glad you did. Push him a little. He needs it.”
“Okay.” I leaned back, smiling up at the older man. He ruffled my hair and patted my shoulder. “Thanks for… Well, I guess, for being here. I didn’t realize places like this existed.”
“Well, be a good boy and maybe Jayden will bring you down to see the playroom when it opens.” William followed us to the door, holding it open as we stepped into the cold night. “Don’t be strangers, got it? And, Jayden, let me know when you bring him home to meet Vivvie. He might need a buffer from your mom.”
“She’s not that bad,” Jayden protested. “But, yeah, she’s probably going to want to wrap him up in bubble wrap once she sees how sweet he is.”
Jayden thought I was sweet?I stood taller, hope seeping in. I stuffed my hand in my pocket to hold my mini Pika. It was such a small gesture, but it meant the world to me that he’d thought ahead to try and help me feel safe. When Jayden slid a hand around my waist and pulled me to his side, I leaned into him, allowing the warmth of his body to dull the chill. “You did a good job tonight, Chase. Did you have fun?”
“Yeah.” I paused, trying to put into words everything that was going through my head. It was the best night ever. I didn’t feel out of place, once I watched some of the other boys playing, and I was close to asking Jayden’s permission to play with them. But I caught myself, and all the good feelings went away.
Jayden unlocked the car and opened my door. He stopped me before I could slide into the seat. I held my breath when he rested a hand on my hip, cupping my face with the other. Froze when I saw him leaning closer.
Was he going to kiss me?
Did Iwanthim to kiss me?
“I’m probably not going to be any good at this,” he warned me. He took a step closer. I lifted my hand to his arm, needing him to understand I wanted whatever he was about to do, as long as he was getting ready to kiss me. Ireallywanted to feel his lips against mine. “I’m still not sure I can be the type of person you’re looking for, but I don’t want you finding someone else. Not now. I want to see if we can figure out a way to be what the other needs.”
“You…you mean…” It would really help if he’d explain whatheneeded.
Jayden closed the remaining distance between us, pressing his lips to mine. It was soft and sweet and left me wanting more. He brushed his thumb over my cheekbone, staring at me long enough I started to squirm. “I mean, you’re absolutely adorable. I thought you were cute the night you moved in, and I worried you would become a distraction. And you are, but in the best possible way. I love knowing that I’m the guy who’s helped you feel comfortable enough to poke your head out of your shell. I want more, even if I shouldn’t.”
“You should,” I responded, allowing my body to sag against his. “I didn’t think I’d ever find someone who accepted this side of me. It’s still hard to believe you do, even though you’re not into it, too. All night, I wanted to ask your permission to do things, but I wasn’t sure how you’d react.”
“And how did that make you feel?” Jayden asked, pinning me against the side of the car. “Did you like the idea of needing my permission?”
I nodded, sucking my lip between my teeth. Jayden leaned in, nipping my earlobe before whispering, “I like the thought of you asking me before you do things, too.”
“Y-you do?” I stammered. I couldn’t think when Jayden’s body was pressed against mine. I knew he wasn’t lying because he was as hard as I was. I rocked forward slowly, testing to see what he would do.
Jayden brought his hands to my shoulders, keeping me still as he took a step back. “You’re distracting me, buddy.”
Oh God, I loved hearing him call me that.
“I’m sorry,” I apologized, doing my best to stand still.
“It’s okay.” He booped my nose before hooking his finger under my chin, drawing my gaze up to him. “I like knowing you’re turned on. But this is serious, and we should talk before we do anything. Don’t you think?”
“Yeah,” I grumbled. I let out a huff of breath and pouted, hoping he’d know I wasnota fan of this plan, even if he was being reasonable. “Can we finish talking then so we can do the fun stuff?”
“How about we stop and get something to eat on the way home. You didn’t eat dinner earlier, and I’m not in the mood to hang out with the guys when we get back to our room.”
Ugh. I’d been so excited that Jayden wanted to do stuff with me that I hadn’t thought about the fact we didn’t live in a hermetically sealed bubble. Eventually, someone was going to figure out what we were doing. Even if Jayden didn’t have a problem with it, I wasn’t stupid enough to thinkno onein the suite would. Matt and Brandon might be cool, but no way could I ever let Zach and Daniel know about me. They barely seemed to tolerate me as it was; I didn’t want to give them even more reasons to dislike me.
“Hey, why’d you get tense on me?” Jayden moved aside, allowing me to sit down in the car. He crouched beside me, gently rubbing my leg.
“They’re all going to know,” I said, staring out the windshield rather than looking at Jayden.
“Do you not want anyone to know we’re seeing one another?” His words were clipped, and I could hear his stilted breaths, like he was trying to stay calm. “I’m not saying we need to take out a billboard in the campus life center or anything, but I don’t do well with the closet. And you might be new to the suite, but I promise none of them will have a problem with us being gay. They’re not homophobic assholes. I know Zach and Daniel can seem that way sometimes, but they’re just immature dickwads who need to make sure everyone knows they’re straight.”
I folded my hands in my lap as I thought about Jayden’s question. I had never been in a relationship, but I couldn’t imagine it’d be any fun trying to pretend I wasn’t into him. The closet was a lonely, miserable place, and I didn’t want to feel cramped by pulling him in there with me.
“That’s fine,” I told him, wincing when I realized what I’d said. Jaydenhatedthe word fine. “I mean, I don’t have a problem with them knowing we’re dating or whatever. It’s…the other stuff. They can’t know about that. It was hard enough for me to tell you, and I don’t want them to know about…”
“Buddy, relax.” Jayden smoothed the backs of his fingers over my face. His voice was quieter now, more patient. “I don’t want them to know about your little side either. But it’s not because I’m ashamed of it. That’s something that’s between us until you decide to show other people. And you might never get there. That’s okay, too. For now, I like the idea of Ash being just for me.”
“Ash?” I cocked my head to the side, trying to figure out what he was talking about. And then it hit me. My eyes grew wide and I lifted my hands to my face because my huge smile probably looked weird. “You mean like Ash and Pikachu, don’t you? Because Pika’s my best friend, so that makes me Ash.”
