“Yes, ma’am,” we responded in unison.
“Oh, and Trevor, if you’d prefer to move your Jeep into the garage and stay here tonight, I won’t tell anyone you’re here.”
And that was why Gwen would always be the cool mom. If my own mother saw my vehicle in the driveway, she’d drive herself crazy with worry until she tracked me down. At least I came by that trait honestly.
“Thanks, Aunt Gwen.”
She shook her head and pulled both of us into a group hug. “As strange as it’ll be, if you’re going to be in love with my son, it’d probably be easier for everyone involved if you called me Gwen.”
“I’ll try.”
Gabe checked on Seth, apologizing for bailing on him, while I tidied up the kitchen. I knew it wasn’t expected, but it was the least I could do after Gwen took care of me through my nuclear meltdown. I smiled the briefest of smiles when I heard Seth tell him to get the hell out of there and win back his man. I definitely needed to work harder at trying to get to know Seth. Not many friends would be up for a two-hour drive late at night and then be cool with getting left in a strange house with someone he hadn’t even met. Knowing Gwen, the latter detail would change as soon as we headed down the driveway to move the Jeep.
The short walk down the street was cold and bitter, and it wasn’t because it was the dead of winter and I was underdressed. There was so much that needed to be said, but I wasn’t sure if either of us were ready to talk.
20
(Gabe)
As soon as Trevor unlocked the Jeep, I took the keys from him and got into the driver’s seat. We were going to talk about this, but it sure as hell wasn’t going to be under the same roof as my mother. She was pissed about the news that I was even thinking about dropping out of school, and when you combined that with her wanting to know what was going on between Trevor and me, I’d almost guarantee she’d be somewhere around the corner listening in.
Trevor didn’t question me when I turned right out of the driveway. As I wound my way through town, I tried to think of something to say to him other than “What the fuck were you thinking?” because that was the question I really wanted the damn answer to. It stung that he overheard a snippet of a conversation and trusted that more than everything we’d been working on building together.
Trevor was the one to crack first. “Are you really leaving school?”
“I don’t know,” I admitted. “Maybe I’m just coming down from the high of something new, but college isn’t at all what I thought it was going to be. Every day, I’m struggling to get my ass out of bed and go to class. I can’t focus on my work. If that’s the way shit’s going to go, maybe it’s a sign I shouldn’t be there right now.”
“So, what? You’d drop out and work at a coffee shop for the rest of your life?”
“Don’t be stupid. No, I don’t plan on working at Port Java forever. I just… I need some time to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.”
“And you’re sure this doesn’t have anything to do with us?”
Now I was getting annoyed. The first time I tried figuring out a problem on my own and Trevor decided it must be because there was something wrong in our relationship. “No, you jackass. This is all on me. I mean, maybe part of my problem is that you do have your life all mapped out, but that doesn’t mean I’m trying to run away from what we have here.”
Not the way he had run at the first sign of trouble. If we had any hope of lasting, he needed to understand that shit wasn’t going to fly. He couldn’t bail on me without a word and expect me to sit around waiting for him to be done thinking.
I pulled into the back parking lot of the local park. This was where we used to run off to when we wanted to talk about the future. The first few times, I’d hoped for a make-out session like the rest of our classmates, but Trevor was always worried someone would see us and report back to his parents.
Worry. It was disheartening how often that word came up when I thought about Trevor. I loved him and wanted him to be happy but wondered if he ever would be when he was taking on the weight of the world.
Silence wrapped around us once again. I couldn’t remember a time when it’d been this difficult to talk to Trevor. We’d never held back, never kept secrets. Until we fell in love. Since then, it felt like we’d both started guarding ourselves more.
“I can’t believe you told my fucking mom that I was thinking about dropping out of school.” My temper finally boiled over, and the more I thought about it, how he handled the situation pissed me off. “You didn’t even try to figure out if you’d misheard. You just raced up here and tattled on me. I love you, Trev, but we’re not going to work if you won’t trust me to come to you.”
“I know.” He sounded remorseful, but was that enough? “It doesn’t excuse anything, but if you give me a chance, I’d like to explain why hearing the three of you talking about a job and a place to live scared me.”
I wanted to curl up next to Trevor, give him some physical reassurance that I would always try to listen to what worried him, even when it reached obsessive levels.
The fear I felt when I didn’t know what’d driven him away vanished the moment I heard his voice in my parents’ kitchen. The anger I’d felt when I realized he’d told my mom I was considering dropping out of school was nothing but a distant memory. Now, all I felt was remorse that I’d made him doubt us. If necessary, I’d spent every spare minute proving to him that he was my priority.
“Baby, that had nothing to do with us and everything to do with where my head’s at,” I clarified. “I applied to UNCW because I was expected to go to school and knew I didn’t have the grades to follow you to Duke. But now that I’m there, I have no clue what I’m supposed to do next.
“And yeah, I know a lot of students don’t have their lives mapped out before they start their freshman year, but it’s driving me crazy, because I don’t even have a general direction in mind.” Trevor reached over and began massaging my knee as I continued bleeding my anxiety to him. “I don’t want to waste my parents’ money or my time when I could be working, earning a living. And Levi made me a great offer, helping him run Port Java. He even said he’d work around my schedule if I decide to stay in school.”
“How would that work?” Trevor asked. He seemed a bit calmer now, which was a good thing. “If you’re barely keeping up in your classes with the hours you’re working now, how would you handle even more responsibility?”
“I’ll figure it out,” I promised him. He ignored the idea that I might withdraw from classes within the next week. Time was running out for me to make a decision. I didn’t remind him, hoping he’d understand this was something I felt like I needed to do.
