17
Trevor
How in theheck had I been conned into this? I stared in the mirror as I adjusted my tie, listening to Seth and Gabe chatting animatedly about tonight’s Valentine’s Day whatever they were calling it at Port Java. Although, it couldn’t really be Valentine’s Day anything since that Hallmark holiday had come and gone earlier in the week. When I asked why they were doing it on Friday instead of Tuesday, they were all too happy to explain that the fourteenth was a day contrived for heteronormative expectations and they weren’t conformists. Whatever, either way it felt like coming out all over again. It sucked, the way I felt like I’d spend my entire adult life coming out to someone when all I wanted was to be able to live my life without needing to make any grand gestures or announcements.
“If you tighten that thing any more, you’re going to choke yourself,” Gabe warned as he stepped up behind me. Reaching around, he straightened and smoothed the tie, taking more care than absolutely necessary. His hand drifted lower, dangerously close to my zipper, and I debated letting him take things further so I could convince him a night of sex would be far more enjoyable than going out. But he’d worked hard to help the alliance put together this party and the slightest bit of me wanted to see the rewards. I wanted to walk in there and feel pride for what my boyfriend had helped pull off in less than a month. “If you really don’t want to do this, tell me now. I won’t be mad.”
No, he wouldn’t, but he couldn’t promise he wouldn’t be upset, and I didn’t want our first Valentine’s Day as a couple, even if the actual day had passed, to be surrounded by bitterness because I was a chicken who worried about anyone seeing how much I loved Gabe.
I shook my head and reached for his hand. “I won’t lie and say getting dressed up to go hang out with a bunch of other couples is the ideal way to spend tonight, but I know how much it means to you. You’ve always supported me, now it’s time to repay the favor.”
Gabe knocked on Seth’s door to let him know we were taking off. Seth rushed out, his tie still hanging loose around his neck. Gabe’s pet project had made a complete transformation in the past month. Gone was the awkward kid who seemed as out of place as a nun in a strip club, replaced by your average college student still growing into his gangly limbs. “Lookin’ good, man.”
He beamed at my compliment and the look in Gabe’s eyes promised I’d be rewarded later. It’d been tough to see the two of them growing closer since we came back from winter break. And yeah, even though I knew Gabe loved me and Seth wasn’t at all his type, I couldn’t help the jealousy I felt knowing the two of them were hanging out whenever Gabe wasn’t at work and I was at school.
It was a cool enough night I suggested taking the Jeep, but Gabe insisted we stroll across campus. It could’ve been romantic, except I was still tense, checking over my shoulder to make sure no one was taking pictures of us to blast online. And every time I did that, I noticed Seth hanging back, looking every bit the third wheel who’d rather be anywhere but hanging out with a pair of lovebirds.
The front windows of Port Java came into view and took my breath away. The sills were lined with tealights in every color of the rainbow. Beyond, I could see they’d carried the theme through to the tables and decorations. It almost looked like a unicorn had puked all over campus’s favorite coffee shop. Almost. Somehow, they’d taken what could’ve been cheap and tacky and turned it into warm and romantic.
We stopped at the table inside the entrance to check-in. I zoned out while Gabe chatted with Jayden, trying to tamp down my apprehension. We’d been together for months now, but I was still trying to hold the closet door shut. Why? Maybe Gabe and my dad were right and it was time to come out to the moms. Not at the end of the semester like I’d planned, but over a short weekend, preferably late Sunday afternoon when we could make our escape before the dust even cleared from the bombshell. I pulled the cell phone out of my pocket and sent a quick text to Dad, asking if they had any plans this weekend. I needed to do this now, because hiding like this had tapped me out. I should be ecstatic that my boyfriend wanted to spend a romantic evening with me, but I couldn’t do that as long as I was hiding the truth from everyone except our classmates.
“You good?” Gabe asked as he led me to the counter. Rather than the typical coffee menu, tonight Levi had put together a selection of virgin cocktails. Most likely, some of the attendees had brought their own alcohol to dump in. Gabe fist-bumped Jayden as they congratulated one another for a job well done. And they had done great; there had to already be over sixty people here, and dinner wasn’t going to be served for another hour.
Gabe pulled me to his side, draping an arm over my shoulder. “Jayden, this is my boyfriend, Trevor.”
Jayden quirked an eyebrow and I shifted uncomfortably under his scrutiny. I wondered if he knew all about my issues and had already deemed me unworthy of Gabe’s affection. When he spoke, his words were carefully measured and wooden. “Thanks for coming out tonight.”
“No problem.” I wasn’t sure what else to say, so I excused myself to find Seth. He sat in a dark corner, his eyes glued to something in the distance. Following his gaze, I realized he was fascinated by the man refilling the drink station. I couldn’t blame him; the guy was beautiful. Not ruggedly handsome, not cute, just one hundred percent classic beauty. Had to give it to the kid, he had good taste in men. Now, he needed to find the balls to approach the guy.
Yeah, as if I had any room to talk about who needed to work up some courage.
“Hey, you should go over and introduce yourself,” I suggested as I pulled out the chair across from him. Sitting beside him would’ve made it easier to be heard over the music, but I didn’t want anyone to get the impression he and I were a couple. Not that I’d be offended if they thought we were together, but it wouldn’t do much for Gabe’s “Find Seth a Man” campaign.
“No point.” Seth sighed. “A guy that good looking probably has either a steady boyfriend or he’s the type to have a different hook-up every night of the week. Either way, not something I want to get messed up with.”
“And what if he’s as lonely and miserable as you are?” I pressed. He sure as heck didn’t look happy to be here, but maybe that was because he was stuck working.
“Pretty sure that’s not possible.” Ugh, it sucked playing the good friend to someone who obviously wanted nothing more than to throw himself a pity party.
“Gabe said you were trying to reinvent yourself this semester,” I said, trying a new tactic. Seth cocked his head to the side before nodding. “Okay, then why not work half as hard on changing the inside as you have the outside?”
“What do you mean?”
“Look, I’m not going to sit here and tell you I have it all figured out, because I don’t. But I do know guys like someone who’s confident. They don’t want to have to constantly reassure their partner that they’re good enough.” Kind of like Gabe has to do with me.
“Is that something else that’s in the boyfriend manual Gabe keeps saying he’ll let me borrow so I understand this stuff?” Now it was my turn to look confused. “Sorry, inside joke.”
“Trust me, if there’s a manual, Gabe hasn’t read it.”
“Seems to me he’s doing a pretty good job at the boyfriend gig.” Seth’s chest puffed out as he defended my boyfriend.
I shook my head, trying to figure out how to backtrack out of the corner I’d gotten myself into. “I’m not trying to say he’s not. He’s better than I deserve most days. But the thing is, he didn’t learn that from any manual. We were both lucky to have some pretty great parents in our lives. They taught both of us how to be good partners.”
“Then why are you so scared of coming out to them?” There was no accusation in his question, only curiosity. My so-called dilemma had to seem strange to him since he really couldn’t come out. He was from one of those families you read about but didn’t think actually existed. He hadn’t shared much about his childhood, but he had told us that he’d grown up on a compound in the middle of nowhere, sheltered from the evils of the outside world. Groups like that typically viewed being gay pretty high on the list of evils. Now that he’d confronted me about why I was still guarding our secret so closely, I felt silly. But maybe Seth had given me an opening to test out the truth and see what sort of reaction I’d get. Gabe trusted him, and I trusted Gabe. I could do this.
“How much has Gabe told you about us?” I asked. I knew, without a doubt, that he didn’t know the extent of our relationship because Gabe had repeatedly promised me the sticking point would be strictly between us unless I felt comfortable sharing.
“Not much, I guess.” Seth’s gaze drifted again to the man behind the counter. If we got through this chat without me passing out, I was going to make an effort to help him work up the nerve to step out of his comfort zone. “I know you guys have been friends forever, which is part of why it’s so strange to me that you won’t admit you’re in love with him. If I had a guy like Gabe, I’m not sure I’d be able to keep quiet.”
