“It’s not easy, that’s for sure,” I admitted. “The thing is, when Gabe says we’ve been friends forever, he means it. It’s not some figure of speech because we’ve been buddies for years. We met, so to speak, the day I was born. Of course, neither of us remember that far back, but our moms were pregnant together, and we were practically raised like brothers with all four parents sharing the responsibilities.”
“You mean they were… what’s the word?” He stared off as though trying to grasp the term he was looking for out of thin air, snapping his fingers when he remembered the word. “Were they one of those polyamorous couples?”
I busted out laughing, because that might’ve been the most absurd assumption I’d ever heard. The hurt on Seth’s face stopped me cold. “Sorry, I guess I can see why you might think that from what I said, but give me a minute and I think you’ll understand why I reacted the way I did.”
“Okay.” He seemed to shrink in on himself and I wondered how much I’d just damaged his fragile attempt to be more outgoing.
“So no, they weren’t like that. But they were close. Still are. Our parents bought houses on the same block, and all through school, it wasn’t strange for Gabe and me to turn up at the other’s house randomly. When we got a little older, if we weren’t home by dark, whichever mom was missing a kid would call the other to make sure we were both accounted for. In a lot of ways, I think that made it easier for both sets of parents to still have their own relationships, because there was a built-in babysitter.
“Eventually, things started to change. I’d been thinking about Gabe in ways I knew I shouldn’t for a while, but I never dared say anything to him about it.” I swirled the straw in my drink, remembering those terrifying months when I worried he’d figure out I was crushing on him and he’d hate me. Never, not once, did I imagine he’d come out to me and tell me he understood if I didn’t want to hang out with him anymore.
“It makes sense if you think about it,” Seth interrupted. “You were two halves of a whole since you were babies. Everyone says you’re supposed to be best friends with your partner, so it stands to reason that best friends could fall in love with one another.”
It was a valid point, one I’d made many times over the years when trying to reconcile how this had happened. But knowing how it happened didn’t change the fact it shouldn’t have happened. I took a deep breath and held it, ready to share my deepest secret with someone who hovered somewhere between an acquaintance and a friend.
“Yeah, but our situation is crazy complicated.”
“Probably not as much as you think,” Seth countered.
“Yeah?” My eyes narrowed as I got ready to detonate the bomb. “What about the fact that his grandma and my grandpa are married?”
“So, your moms are sisters? Or your dads are brothers? Which is it?” He fidgeted on his chair but didn’t seem completely repulsed. “That’d be the easier way to say it. Or say you’re cousins. Why get all cryptic about it?”
“Does it really matter who’s related to who? And yeah, we’re cousins, but not the way you think. I mean, technically, we’re only cousins by marriage.” Now that it was out in the open, I found myself trying to defend our relationship. What was it Gabe had said? Oh yeah, it wasn’t wrong because there was no genetic bond and it wasn’t like we were a het couple looking to pop out a bunch of kids.
“No, but I’m trying to understand,” Seth responded. “I’m trying to be a friend, because you seem like you need someone to talk to who won’t judge you.”
“Thanks.” Funny how I was the one who was constantly surrounded by people, but I’d managed to isolate myself in the crowd because I feared anyone getting too close to the truth. “So, my grandpa married Gabe’s grandma when our moms were teenagers. As much as our grandparents worried they wouldn’t like having to share a room, the two of them instantly became best friends. Grandma says she’s pretty sure they made a pact to never do anything alone, because they got engaged about the same time, married, and then got pregnant within a few weeks of one another.”
“And because they’re close, you’re worried they’ll think you’re doing something wrong,” Seth guessed. My shoulders sagged and I felt like a huge weight had been lifted. Literally, I felt lighter now that I wasn’t dragging this secret around with me.
“Yeah, pretty much,” I confessed.
“You want some unsolicited advice?”
“Are you going to keep it to yourself if I say no?” On second thought, this was Seth; yeah, he’d totally shut up if I told him I didn’t want to hear his opinion. “Sorry, go ahead.”
“They love you. Will it be easy for them to accept this new dynamic? Probably not. But from what Gabe’s told me about both of your families, they don’t believe in love with strings. You need to be honest with them before hiding destroys what could be that forever type of love everyone hopes to find.”
I leaned back in my seat and thought about what he’d said. Yes, I’d already resigned myself to telling everyone back home that I was in love with Gabe, but the way Seth put it solidified my decision. It was something I needed to do as much for my relationship with my mom as for how I felt about Gabe. Tomorrow morning, we’d head back for a quick visit and by the time we headed to class on Monday, everything would be revealed.
“You know, for a guy who says he doesn’t know about functional families and relationships, you’re pretty good at the advice stuff.”
“Yeah, well there wasn’t much to do at home, so I read a lot of self-help books. That’s probably where my fascination with the human mind came from.”
I stood, wanting to find Gabe and let him know we couldn’t stay out too late tonight. “Well, keep at it. And try to apply some of the theories you read about to your own life. Maybe start by going up to get another drink and introduce yourself to the guy you’ve been eye-fucking all night.”
“I haven’t been?—?”
“Yeah, you have.” I chuckled and patted him on the back. “You’re a good guy, Seth. It’s easy to see how you and Gabe got to be friends. Maybe we’ll have to find time when all three of us can hang out.”
Seth followed me to the counter, where I grabbed a drink for myself and one for Gabe, who was still deep in conversation with Jayden and Levi. I didn’t want to interrupt, but dammit, tonight was supposed to be a night out with my boyfriend and I wasn’t going to spend the whole time trying to make new friends.
“Have you given any more thought to my offer,” Levi asked. I froze, wanting to hear what they were talking about, wondering why Gabe hadn’t said anything to me about any offers.
“Yeah, but I don’t know, man.” He sounded tired. “It’s a great opportunity, but what would I do about housing?”
My blood ran cold. He was moving out? When did he plan on telling me? I resisted the urge to shove my way between them and yank him out of the coffee shop because it was blatantly obvious there was yet another long-overdue conversation we needed to have.
“I’ve got the spare bedroom,” Jayden told him. “I told you it’s yours if you need it.”
The fruit juice and soda from my first drink rose in my throat. I tried to keep my calm long enough to get out of the building because I didn’t want to make a scene when Gabe was obviously so happy. Once I was safely outside, I broke into a sprint, which wasn’t easy in dress shoes.
I made it to the field next to our building before my knees buckled and I fell to the ground. Tears streamed down my face, and I didn’t give a damn who heard my shattered sobs. Somehow, right when I worked up the courage to come out for Gabe, he was working on plans to leave.
