“See, this is why I didn’t want to talk about it,” Gabe whispered as he wrapped his arms around my waist and buried his face against my chest. I rubbed circles along the length of his spine, wishing I could do more to help him relax. “Now you’re thinking of all the worst-case scenarios, and I won’t let any of those happen.”
“But if you don’t tell me, everything’s going to keep dragging you down,” I countered. “How about if, for tonight, you tell me one thing that’s bothering you and we’ll go from there.”
“Yeah, I can do that.” Gabe’s words were muffled because he didn’t seem in any hurry to move so he wasn’t speaking into my chest. Wanting to see him as we talked this out, I peeled his arms away from my body and slid back against the wall. He followed and we lay facing one another on top of the blanket.
Although I’d planned to let him choose which worry he confessed, there was one I had to know or else I was going to drive myself crazy right along with him. “What about us isn’t what you thought?”
While I waited for his answer, I traced my fingertips down his arm, memorizing every swell of muscle. How had I missed the fact that he’d been spending time in the workout room? A flash of jealousy had me wondering if he had a gym buddy he was getting all hot and sweaty with while my nose was buried in the books. I pushed that aside, giving my full attention to the man in front of me. I loved him. He loved me. And most importantly, I trusted him to never do anything to purposely hurt me. Finally, he was ready to talk.
“I used to think about how amazing it’d be to get down here, to get away from our families, so we could be a real couple. I hate hiding. I hate lying every time I call home and my mom asks if I’ve met someone. I want to tell her that I met the man I’m going to spend the rest of my life with when we were still in diapers and I don’t even notice anyone else, but I can’t.”
“Because of me.”
“Sort of, yeah.” I flinched at how quickly he laid the blame at my feet, even if it was my fault we were both lying to most of the people we knew. “Logically, I know why you’re worried, but that doesn’t make it suck any less. Your mom loves you more than life itself. She’s not going to turn her back on you over this.”
“We don’t know that. And what about Gramma? Being gay is bad enough in her eyes, you know that firsthand. But this,” I motioned between us before resting my hand on his hip. “There’s no way in hell she’s going to accept us. If two boys together is an abomination, what are we?”
“Two boys who’ve loved one another since before they even knew what love was?” Damn him for being so romantic at the worst possible times. “Yeah, she might have a problem with it. So might the moms, but your dad already knows and he’s cool with it. He’ll help us make them all see that we’re not disgusting. Like you said earlier, we’re the luckiest bastards in the world.”
“I’m not ready to face all that yet,” I argued. “Maybe after this semester is over. Definitely then, because there’s no way I’m going to be able to stay away from you all summer, but until then, I need to pay attention in my classes. Can you give me that time?”
“I’m trying, babe, promise.” He leaned in and kissed me, putting every tender word he couldn’t say into the press of his lips against mine. “That’s why I wasn’t going to say anything. I don’t want you feeling like you have to come out or I’m gone. That’s not what I’m saying. Honestly, I’m not sure I could follow through with it even if that was what I meant. You’re the other half of me and I can’t think of any reason I’d ever let you go.”
“Same here.” I closed the distance between us, which wasn’t much since we were two grown men sharing a twin-size bed, and tossed my leg over the top of his. “And if you said coming out to them was a condition for us staying together, I’d find the balls to do it.”
“You’ll get there when the time is right,” he assured me. “And I won’t ever put that condition on us, because I don’t want you to resent me if shit does go south.”
I failed to hold back a yawn and Gabe laughed. He slid one hand around the back of my neck, pulling my head to rest on his chest. “Get some sleep. Love you.”
“Love you, too,” I mumbled. I was almost asleep when I remembered the talk with my dad. I lifted my head so quickly I caught Gabe’s chin with the back of my head as he bent over to kiss me. Both of us broke into a fit of laughter once I made sure Gabe was okay. When we finally calmed down, I pressed a kiss to his chest. “Sorry about that. I realized I forgot to tell you to not make plans for this weekend.”
Gabe groaned, probably thinking I’d been roped into heading home, which meant he’d have to go home too. And that would have to happen, because we’d spent every weekend since the start of the semester holed up in our room and the moms weren’t going to let that go much longer before they came down to check on us.
“It’s not that,” I promised, even though he hadn’t said what was running through his mind. “I called my dad and he’s going to see if we can get the condo in Myrtle Beach for the weekend.”
“Umm, that’s awesome, but isn’t it a bit cold for the beach?”
“Not if we stay in bed the entire weekend and enjoy the view from the window.”
“What about school work?” The way he so quickly came up with reasons we shouldn’t go out of town, I began second-guessing my surprise. Like always, Gabe sensed my panic and squeezed my arm. “I’m not saying no, but I know how much shit you’ve got to do.”
“Yeah, and one of those things is showing my boyfriend how much he means to me.”
“You don’t have to take me on a mini-vacation for that. You prove it every time you look at me or touch me.”
“Yeah, but Iwantto do this. I think we both need to make a point to keep our priorities in check. And by both of us, I mean me.”
Gabe laughed and kissed me again. This time harder, deeper, his tongue pressing at the seam of my lips until I opened for him. He rolled me onto my back, grinding against me as his fingers tangled through my hair. My back arched off the bed, my body addicted to the way he turned me on. Rather than finishing what he’d started, Gabe broke the kiss, flopped next to me on the bed.
“In that case, I’d be more than happy to skip town with you.” He kissed my cheek before settling with his head resting on my shoulder. “Get some sleep.”
