“I know.”
An alarm went off on his phone and Trevor winced. “Crap. So, this is really bad timing, but I forgot I’m supposed to meet a few guys from my history class at the union. Are you going to be okay if I take off?”
“Yeah. I didn’t bring this up to guilt you into bailing on your study groups,” I told him, packing a sandwich, some of the chips, and a Cheerwine.
“I know you didn’t. Maybe we can pick this up where we left off later? I shouldn’t be gone past nine.”
“That works,” I said, trying to come across cool and unaffected.
“Cool.” Trevor kissed me, thanked me for packing him something to eat, and was almost to the door when he turned back. “You know, it might do you some good to get out of the suite from time to time. I don’t like knowing you’re holing yourself up in here whenever I’m not around.”
“I’ll think about it,” I told him, not willing to make any promises.
If I was honest, so far, I felt like a fraud down here. I’d sailed through high school with decent enough grades to get into college, but I’d never been near the top of my class. Even taking a lighter course load to acclimate myself to how things were done here, I was struggling. But I wouldn’t admit that to anyone, not even to Trevor. Hell, especially not to Trevor, because I knew damn well he’d try to help me the way he had the past seven years, through both middle and high school. He had enough on his plate without worrying about me too.
Although I felt more at peace after talking to Trevor, now I was thinking about his suggestion that I needed to get out and meet people. I used to be a friend magnet, so other than my feelings of inadequacy, it made no sense that I wasn’t out there doing something when he was busy. He’d made it clear he was living his own life right now, so why shouldn’t I?
In a totally uncharacteristic move, I walked over to Seth’s room. What made tonight different than the other nights we’d hung out was that I wasn’t in the midst of a pity party. Tonight was about nothing more than seeing if he wanted to hang out, maybe walk down to Port Java with me. He might’ve been the only person on campus with less of a social life than I had.
His door opened before I could even get to it from the communal area. “Oh, hey Seth. I was coming to see if you wanted to hang out for a bit. I’m thinking about heading over to Port Java.”
“Oh, I would, but I’m actually on my way out.” His gaze flitted everywhere but in my direction. “I thought you were spending some time with Trevor tonight?
“Yeah, but apparently everyone but me has plans.” I shrugged as though I didn’t feel like a complete loser. I had less of a social life than sheltered Seth. I turned to mope back to my room, but Seth’s offer stopped me in my tracks.
“Maybe it’s not your scene, but the LGBTQ Alliance is having a get-together tonight.” Had not seen that coming. Perhaps it was unfair of me to make assumptions about someone’s sexuality when I was pretty sure no one pegged me as gay, but I hadn’t considered that might be yet another issue he was facing in his life. Then again, it wasn’t like I made a habit of thinking about anyone’s sex life, especially someone I was still struggling to think of as anything other than “the kid.”
“No pressure at all, but I thought you might want to get out of here for a bit.” He stood taller and squared his shoulders. “And honestly, it’d be nice to know someone there. It probably sounds stupid to someone like you, but until I got here, I’d pretty much convinced myself I was a freak of nature because I didn’t think about getting married and having kids like the rest of my Sunday school class.”
“Yeah, that’s probably not a hotbed for gay activity,” I joked, trying to keep him from crumbling under the weight of what he’d admitted to me.
He laughed, but the sound was thready and hollow. “Yeah, so anyway, when I got accepted to UNCW, I started looking at the different clubs to figure out what I wanted to do. I knew I didn’t want to sit in my dorm room all the time, studying.”
He gave me a pointed look, as if to silently add “the way you do” to the end of his statement.
“That’s awesome,” I responded enthusiastically. “Maybe I should’ve done something proactive like that, but I had… other things on my mind.”
“Like being eager to move in with your boyfriend without anyone knowing what’s going on?” How in the hell did he know that? He must’ve read the confusion on my face because he quickly clarified. “Sorry, maybe I shouldn’t have said that, but when we’re all hanging out in the commons, everyone sees the way the two of you look at one another. Ayden and Gibson were the first ones to figure it out. I wasn’t so sure at first, but I’m pretty sure our beds are on the shared wall and you two aren’t exactly quiet.”
Seth blushed adorably. If we were better friends, I might’ve teased him about whether or not that was a complaint or compliment. Then again, if Trevor knew anyone had heard me?—and it had to be me, because Trevor was even timid in orgasm?—he’d be mortified. Which meant I needed to do some damage control.
“Yeah, exactly like that,” I confirmed. “But don’t tell him everyone knows. Things with us are complicated, and he doesn’t want to go public yet.”
“So you’re saying he has no clue how he looks at you?”
“How’s that?”
“Like he’s a sugar addict and you’re a cupcake with a mountain of frosting on top.” Huh, hadn’t really noticed that. We were so used to not making eye contact that lasted longer than a socially acceptable amount of time that those looks must’ve been when I wasn’t looking in his direction.
“I have to get going or I’m going to be late,” he told me as he checked his watch. Yes, his watch, because he was likely the only student on campus who didn’t have a smartphone, so he kept it shoved in his pocket at all times. “No pressure, but if you were looking for something to do tonight, it’s supposed to be a pretty nice group of people.”
I hedged for a minute. Going to an LGBTQ Alliance meeting was getting awfully close to stepping out of the closet. If I went, people would know for sure I was gay. If they knew I was gay, and if Trevor looked at me the way Seth said he did, they’d assume he was gay, too, if they saw us together.
Screw it. He’s off with his study group friends and suggested I get out of the dorm room occasionally. This was the perfect solution.
“Yeah, let me get my hoodie and I’ll meet you back here in a few.” I quickly scribbled a note for Trevor that I was out with Seth and I’d try to be back by nine, but not to worry. I could’ve texted, but I wasn’t prepared to have to answer questions about where we were going in case he thought it was a bad idea.
