Yeah, actually, I didn’t think he knew that. I hadn’t even told my parents about that particular conversation. Still, I wasn’t about to let him minimize what relationship Erica and I did have. She was a good person and I loved her. Maybe not the way she deserved or needed to be loved, but no one could take that away from me.
“God, when you say it like that it makes it sound like our marriage was nothing,” I protested. I looked over to Dax, hoping he’d know I wasn’t going out of my way to hurt him, but I wasn’t going to sit around and let Justin talk shit about Erica, either. “I loved her. And yeah, we didn’t have a perfect marriage and it was probably a mistake for us to get married when we did, but that doesn’t mean I did it just because of Thomas. Jagger deserved to have two parents in his life who loved him.”
“Yeah, and you seem to forget that you and I had this very same argument back then,” he reminded me. “You were hell-bent on walking down the aisle, and I told you that Jagger would be better off with two parents who loved him rather than two parents who couldn’t stand one another. Luckily, you never got to that point, but you would have.”
I shoved him away from me. I wasn’t running, but I needed space. I needed to get away from Justin because he was getting too close to the truth.
“I loved her, you fucking asshole,” I spat at him.
Justin grabbed me and spun me around to face him. “You’re right, you did. You loved Erica the same way you love me. Like a friend. Can’t you see that?” He motioned toward Dax. “Do you mean to tell me what you felt for her comes anywhere close to what you feel for him?
I wouldn’t tell him that because it would’ve been a lie. The differences between the two of them were like night and day. Erica was expected and comfortable, while Dax was the last person I could’ve imagined being with and scared the hell out of me.
“Don’t bother answering that because it’s not even the point right now. But you need to see that Thomas is going to keep trying to mess with you until you stand up to him,” Justin said matter-of-factly. “Until you go over to his house and tell him that you are Jagger’s parent, not him, and make him believe it, he’s going to be somewhere in the back of your mind. Whether you’ll admit it or not, you’re always going to be trying to keep him happy, when the reality is that he doesn’t matter.”
Dax came around behind me and Matt did the same to Justin, obviously thinking we were about to throw down on my deck. We hadn’t done that since the eighth grade, but they didn’t know that. My anger momentarily cracked, long enough for me to lean back against Dax’s chest. I could feel his heart racing in his chest, much like my own. The fight quickly seeped out of me, but that was just as wrong, as far as Justin was concerned.
“No! You are not going to back away,” he warned me. “Not this time. You sit there and tell me how nothing is more important to you than Jagger; well, now’s the time to prove it.”
Matt whispered something in Justin’s ear and he calmed down.
“How do you propose I do that?” I asked, at least willing to hear him out.
“You’re going to go over there and tell him how it is,” Justin said simply. “You’re going to explain to him that you appreciate him being concerned about Jagger, but there’s less to worry about now than there has been in a long damn time. If you want, I’ll go with you. They know me, and they know I was there for everything that’s happened.”
“No, I’ll go,” Dax chimed in from behind me. “They’re pissed because of me, so it’s only right that I do this.”
“That’s a great gesture, but you don’t know them like we do. If you go over there, Thomas is just going to feel even more threatened and he’s bound to do something stupid.” Justin was right. Thomas sucked even more at being rational under pressure than I did, if that was possible. And seeing Dax would be a threat. “You and Matt are going to go and pick up Jagger and take him down to the festival. There’s a kiddie carnival with games and a few rides. That’ll keep him entertained and it’s what he wanted to do today anyway.”
“That won’t work,” I argued. “I told Thomas I’d call him today and he said it wasn’t a good time for him.”
“Tough shit,” Justin spat. “He’s got to learn that he’s not always the one in control. He likely did that just to try and get you off balance.”
“It worked,” Matt muttered. I wanted to tell him to piss off, that he didn’t even know me, but he had a point. I wasn’t thinking clearly, which meant Thomas got his wish. “You don’t have to listen to a damn thing I say, but think about it for just a second. I’m the outsider here. Out of all of you, I’m the one person with nothing to lose. I say Justin’s right. You need to prove to this ass clown that he doesn’t get to tell you what to do. From what I saw last night, your kid’s pretty well-adjusted and happy. I may not be able to do much, but I’ll do whatever I can to help you out.”
“Why?” I asked. Justin gaped at me and Dax squeezed his arms tighter around my waist.
“Because that guy’s hopeless for you.” Matt laughed. “Seriously, I never thought I’d see the day Dax Collins fell in love, so that says a hell of a lot about the type of guy you are. And Dax is like family to me, and you are to him, so that makes you my family as well.”
I lost him somewhere along that convoluted train of thought, but I understood the basics of what he was saying. “You guys are right,” I finally conceded. “I know it’s not going to go well, but I have to do this. Justin, since this was your idea, you’re coming with me.”
“Nowhere I’d rather be.” He was such a shitty liar.
