“Because itiswhat I want,” I insisted. “It’s confusing to me, too, but Dax is good for me. He’s good for both of us.”
“But there are plenty of women out there who could give you what you need,” Dad argued. “I can’t even imagine what’d make you think you should jump into bed with the first person to turn their head in your direction.”
“It’s not like that,” I countered. Maybe I’d been naïve to think Dad would accept us as openly as Mom had. “This isn’t about needing to get off, it’s about having someone who’s there for me no matter what. It’s about finally feeling like there’s someone who wants me for who I am, even if I can be a bit of a wreck at times.”
“And if that’s what you’re looking for, why not get out and find someone?” Dad asked. I almost told him what an ignorant fool he was, but I’d had the same thoughts when I first started thinking about Dax as more than a friend. “Why make your life more difficult by turning your back on your entire life?”
“And how do you think I’m doing that?” I asked, barely keeping my anger in check. “When I told Mom what was going on, she reminded me that the two of you always wanted me to find my own happiness and that you swore you’d support me as long as I was being true to myself.”
“But this…this thing with your friend…are you telling me this is how you’ve always been?” Dad asked.
“Nope.” My head throbbed, a sure sign a tension headache was coming. “At least, I don’t think so.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Getting to know Dax has me questioning a lot about myself,” I admitted. I couldn’t believe I was about to talk about this with my father, but I needed to get him to see how I felt. “The way I feel for him is totally different than I ever felt about Erica. Even when we were together, there was a part of me that felt like I was going through the motions. I’d told myself I was going to go to college, get married, and start a family. It happened out of order, but it was what I thought I needed.”
“But it wasn’t?” Dad held up a hand for me to stay put while he went in to grab the steaks. He waited until the steaks were sizzling on the grill before sitting in the chair he’d offered me.
“Dad, I really don’t want to get into too much detail because that’d be twenty different shades of weird,” I told him, wishing I’d thought to grab myself a beer. The one downside to everything happening with Dax was I found myself wishing for something to take the edge off a bit more frequently. “I need you to trust that I’m not doing something foolish right now. I need you to have faith that you and Mom raised me right and I wouldn’t jump into something like this without thinking about it.”
“Not sure there’s much else for me to do.” Dad sighed and shook his head again. “I don’t understand it, but you’re right. Please just make sure you’re doing right for yourself and that boy of yours. Anyone who’s worth being with will understand.”
“He does,” I assured him. I pushed away from the railing and gave Dad a one-arm hug. “Now, I’m going to go say hi to Mom and make sure she’s not accosting Dax.”
“Knowing her, I’m sure she is,” Dad quipped. “Remember what I said, boy.”
“I will.”
