"No. Fuck that," I sneered. "Don't sit there acting like you know how either of us felt when Enzo looked out the front window and your car was gone."
"You're right, I don't know that, but Enzo and I talked a bit about why I left, and he told me why it hurt him the way it did."
That was a shock. I'd been arguing with Enzo all week to come clean with Tony, but the last I'd brought it up, he'd refused, saying it would only make life harder. Now I was curious as to what Tony said that got Enzo to open up to him. "Care to share what twisted logic you followed that made you run away from home for a fucking week?"
"Max, reel it in a bit," Enzo called out from the kitchen, making it obvious he was trying to give us some time alone, but also wanted to hear what was being said.
I crossed my arms tightly over my chest and glared at Tony as I awaited his explanation. As he spoke, I felt the ice in my chest begin to thaw a bit. I'd expected him to try and bullshit me, but the way he choked up as he talked about how he'd panicked when he saw Enzo and me together proved his sincerity. And made me feel like a total shit for spending so many nights in Enzo's bed this past week, even if it was only about me making sure Enzo knew he wasn't alone.
When Tony finished, he clapped his hands against his knees and let out a heavy sigh. His entire body sagged as if he'd just finished an intense physical workout. "That's about it. Still pissed off at me?"
"Yep," I admitted. I might've given up thoughts of wrapping my hands around his neck, but I was still angry. All of this could've been avoided if he wasn't so afraid of talking about anything emotional. "Not saying it won't pass, but it's not as simple as you saying you're sorry and all of us moving on like nothing ever happened. If that's even what you want. What do you want, Tony? Let's pretend, for just a minute, this was an ideal world where you weren't afraid of commitment and you didn't have to worry about all the other complexities that go along with what happened the other night. Where do you see us progressing from here?"
The question I'd been asking myself all week was out. Enzo returned, carrying three bottles of beer. I wasn't sure alcohol was a good idea given where it led us the last time, but my throat was dry, so I graciously accepted the bottle he handed me. I kept my gaze fixed on Tony as I took my first swallow, waiting for him to answer.
"That's not entirely fair, Max," Enzo pointed out as he sat at the opposite end of the couch from his brother. "Tony's trying here."
"And I get that, but no matter what happens after tonight, there has to be open communication," I argued. This wasn't my first experience with more than one partner at a time, and I knew quite well how spectacularly it could all blow up when people didn't want to have the tough conversations. I wasn't going to do that to myself again, especially not with these two men. Long after I was gone, they'd have to live with the decisions they made tonight. They would never be able to walk away from one another.
"I know you want to protect your brother, Enzo, but he has to man up," I explained. Yes, I was being hard on Tony, but this was my opportunity to make it known this was a hard limit for me. No communication, no orgasms or anything else. Right now, I could walk out the door and still have the two of them as friends; the same couldn't be said if we repeated our mistakes again. "I want to know, without the bullshit, where his head is. He told me it hurt him to see how close you and I were the morning after, which was a shock to me because every time I've even hinted at slapping a label on what the rest of the world sees as our relationship, he's balked. A man who doesn't want a steady partner doesn't get jealous when he sees the buddy he fucks cuddled up to another guy."
"It's not that—" Enzo started. I held up a hand to stop him, knowing he’d defend his brother all night if I let him. He paused, but in typical Marino fashion, had to speak his mind. Sometimes, it was an endearing quality. "Sorry, I get what you're saying, Max, but I don't think backing him into a corner is right, either."
"No, it's exactly what I need, Enzo," Tony interrupted. "Max is right. You've always tried looking out for me, but this is a mess you can't get me out of."
He sat up straighter, looking directly at me as he continued. "Honestly? I have no fucking clue what I want. A little over a week ago, I was content with the way things were even though I knew you weren't. That was a dick move on my part, and it took seeing you with Enzo to make me realize how it'd feel to eventually lose you."
Then he looked to Enzo, reaching out to hold his hand. "And you're a wild card. Yes, I'd talked with Max about the three of us fooling around, but I never thought anything would come of it. You always seemed so buttoned-up. You were the good kid, and I was the wild child. But damn if you didn't set me straight that night."
"Pretty sure what we did was far from straight," Enzo teased. The guys both smiled, and their laughter sliced through the earlier tension in the room.
"True enough," Tony agreed. "But what I'm trying to say is you're someone I never would've considered being with, but since then, the two of you are all I can think of. I don't want to lose either of you, whether that's just as friends or we give it a go and see if there's something more between the three of us. So, that's where I am; what about you guys?"
"I can't do some formal arrangement," Enzo admitted before I had a chance to gather my thoughts. I sank back in my seat, feeling defeated. I'd expected Tony to be the one who pushed back, not Enzo. His eyes widened when he noticed the change in my demeanor, and he quickly backtracked. "I'm not saying we can't see what happens, but it needs to feel like a natural progression to me. Our situation is strange enough, given there are more than two of us and the whole me and Tony thing. If I feel like we're ticking off items on a checklist, I'm not sure it's something I'd want."
"I can respect that," I told him.
"Me too," Tony agreed. "No one's saying we need to draw a diagram of how things between us should work or we need to create a schedule for who's spending time together when, Enzo. Max is just trying to keep me from fucking up again."
"I'm trying to keep all of us from making mistakes we can't recover from," I corrected him. "We're all human, and we're all going to screw up. But if we agree now to talk about it, and we all honor that promise, we stand a better chance of a good outcome."
Now that we'd cleared the air, I felt far too removed from the men—my men, my traitorous heart corrected me. I pushed myself out of the papasan without tipping the damn thing over and took my seat between the two of them. "As for your concerns, Enzo, Tony's right. I'm not asking for any sort of commitment or formal anything tonight. All I want is to get the three of us on the same page for once."
"In that case, yeah, I'd like to see what happens." The tip of Enzo's tongue peeked between his lips, and I bit back a groan.
I couldn't count the number of times I'd wanted to kiss him this past week, but I'd resisted since I didn't know the score with Tony. Now, I did, but I was still keeping one secret. I knew I had to tell him the truth unless I wanted it to bite me in the ass eventually.
"Since we're doing this whole open communication thing, there's something else I need to tell you, Tony." I turned to him and felt Enzo's steady hand at the small of my back, offering me his silent support. "While you were gone, I spent the night a few times. Nothing happened, but I didn't want Enzo feeling so alone without you here."
"I sort of already figured that out, but thanks for the honesty." Tony crossed his arms over his chest and quirked an eyebrow. When Enzo and I both gaped at him, he laughed. "Max, you left one of your work shirts on the back of the chair in his room. Unless Enzo's moonlighting as a bartender at 83 and started wearing the same cologne as you do, it was a no-brainer."
"You're not upset?" Enzo asked, sliding up behind me. He rested his head on my shoulder so he could see Tony.
"I wouldn't say that. It stung seeing his shirt in your room when I got home tonight," Tony admitted. "But I'm not angry which I'm assuming is what you're really asking. I wasn't here, and you guys had no clue where my head was, so it's not really my place to have any sort of feeling about the two of you spending time together. And if we're doing this, I have to accept there will be other times the two of you will go off to do your thing and I'll be the one left behind."
"Just as you and I will have our time," I pointed out. "And when I'm at work, the two of you will be here."
"Exactly," Tony agreed. "And it won't be such an issue now that I know we're all in this together."
