"Yeah, but I want to explain why I freaked," I told him. While I waited to see if he was receptive to hearing me out, I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees. "Please, Enzo, I get why you're pissed off at me, and I deserve whatever it is you're not saying right now. But I'm hoping you'll let me talk and at least consider what I have to say."
"Fine. Talk." He half-turned away from me, dividing his attention between me and the sandwich. He let out a soft moan around his first full bite, and I knew it'd been the right call for dinner.
My own sandwich was still sitting in the bag. Until I knew where things stood, there was no way I'd be able to keep it down.
"I didn't bail on you guys because I was disgusted or because I regretted what we did." Putting that out there from the beginning seemed the best tactic. Enzo's shoulders relaxed a bit as he continued devouring his sandwich, making me wonder when he'd last eaten. "I was confused as all hell, and I told myself I just needed a little time away to think things through. Originally, I'd planned on being back before either of you woke up, but the more I thought about what we'd done, the more it confused me."
In one of the biggest risks of the night, I rose from the chair, crossed the room, and kneeled in front of Enzo. Max had, after all, suggested I grovel for forgiveness.
"What in the hell are you doing?" Enzo asked, playfully shoving me onto my ass. I stared up at him, praying this was a sign we'd get over the hurdle.
"Enzo, I was scared shitless after what we did," I admitted, my voice shaking. I ran my fingers through my hair, twisting and yanking at the ends. It was easier to stare at Enzo's feet as I continued explaining my mixed-up feelings to him. "I'm not the guy who wants to stick around. Max knows that, and what we have together works. But that night, I realized how much is on the line if I keep being the good-time guy I've always been.
"Seeing the two of you together was amazing. Worse, it was right." God, this hurt to say. "When I woke up the next morning, Max was turned away from me. Sure, he had a hand on my thigh, but he was totally tangled up with you, protecting you, caring for you. And even though you were sound asleep, you looked so damn peaceful. I felt like the outsider catching a glimpse of the future, and I fucking hated it."
Enzo reached out to me, pulling my hand away from my hair. He didn't speak until I looked up into the deep brown eyes the exact same shade as mine. "Tony, I would never try to take him away from you. You have to know that."
"You can't take him away from me," I scoffed. "I've made it clear to him over and over I don't want a relationship. What we've been doing the past year has worked for me, but I know it's not what he wants. You can give him that."
"But I wouldn't, because he was yours first," Enzo reassured me. That was just like him. Even if the chemistry between them was undeniable, he'd never pursue a relationship with Max if he thought it'd hurt me. He always sacrificed what he wanted to make others happy. "And I'm sorry seeing us like that hurt you. I should've gotten up and gone to bed, but it felt right sleeping with the two of you. With both of you. Not just him, Tony, it was you too."
I sucked in a sharp breath and scrubbed a hand down my face. The need for distance started clawing at me again, but I stayed rooted to my spot on the carpet, unable to make a move in case Enzo interpreted it the wrong way.
"I'm sorry if it makes you uncomfortable, but if we're going to talk this out, we're going to talk about all of it." Enzo's voice was firm and steady, almost commanding. It was out of character for him, but I loved seeing him assert himself. "I can't explain why and don't really want to think too much about it, but I've had these...thoughts about you for a long time. I never said anything about it, because who would? No one wants to hear their brother has fantasized about them or used to watch them getting undressed late at night when they were younger. That's part of why I haven't dated much. Any time I got close to anyone, the little voice in the back of my head reminded me of you, and I couldn't stand the thought of leaving you behind."
"Oh, Enzo..." If he was telling me the truth, and I had no reason to doubt him, this wasn't some fleeting attraction for him.
"No." He held up a hand to silence me. "I don't want you to use that pity voice on me. We all have our crosses to bear, and this has been mine."
"But it didn't have to be, Enzo," I explained because what I felt was far from pity. It was longing. There was no way to take back the past, but those were years that could've been so much different for both of us. If this was a curiosity he needed to get out of his system, he could've done it long ago and moved on. He could've found someone and been happy.
"Maybe it did. Mama always used to tell us everything happened in its own time, that we couldn't rush whatever came next." I was pretty sure this wasn't what Mama was talking about, but I didn't correct him. "If it wasn't for Max, I'm not sure I'd have gone along with the idea. Even if it was just the two of us, I probably would've lost my nerve and backed down."
"So what happens now?" I asked. Wherever we went from here, it was obvious I couldn't be trusted to call the shots. If Enzo said I'd ruined any chance at a repeat performance, I'd go back across the hall and lick my wounds.
"We wait for Max and see what he has to say." Enzo tossed me the bag with my sandwich. "You should probably eat before the bread gets all soggy. And maybe grab a shower. You stink."
"You're one to talk," I teased. He didn't actually smell, but he wasn't pulling off the disheveled look, if that was what he was going for. "Were you afraid to get too close to your razor this morning?"
"Nope. Figured I'd try something different," he explained. He looked like he was about to say something else, but he quickly closed his mouth. His cheeks betrayed him, and I decided it was for the best he not say whatever he'd been about to. It would probably irritate me.
I tried to eat, but my stomach was fluttering with nerves, knowing things were better, but still not good. Max had a million reasons at this point to tell me to piss off, and only one I could think of to agree to hear me out. Whether he realized it or not, Enzo was in complete control of our potential future.
Chapter Six
Max
The atmosphere wastense when I walked into Tony and Enzo's apartment after work. When Tony had texted earlier to invite me, I'd failed to tell him I'd been there almost every night since the one I still couldn't bring myself to consider a colossal mistake. Enzo and I weren't fucking around; that would've been a betrayal to Tony, even though he'd ghosted us.
Every night, I walked out of the bar telling myself I was going home, but I wound up calling Enzo to see if he'd heard from Tony. I hadn't bothered reaching out on my own, because I knew Tony would approach me when he was ready. It was just how he was, and until now, it'd never bothered me. We didn't have the sort of relationship where that level of communication was expected. Hell, just ask Tony; we didn't have a relationship at all.
"Thanks for coming over," Tony said when Enzo led me to the living room. Rather than sit on the couch where I'd be next to either of them, I kept my distance by sitting in the papasan, even though the damn thing was uncomfortable as hell.
"Said I would," I quipped, shrugging as if it was no big deal. Enzo excused himself, saying something about getting something to drink. That left me alone with Tony, who I wanted to hate, but didn't. "So, you going to tell me what in the hell you were thinking? You don't owe me shit, but it wasn't easy for Enzo to take that leap. Waking up to find you gone the next morning hurt him. A lot."
"I know." Tony stared straight ahead, his slumped shoulders the only sign of true remorse.
His flippant response pissed me the hell off. No, he didn't fucking know, because he wasn't the one who was here trying to keep Enzo from having a complete fucking breakdown. I was. I was the one who called into work that night because I didn't want Enzo being alone. I knew he wouldn't do anything stupid, but I also knew all too well what it felt like when the silence threatened to choke the life out of you.
