“Calm.” This time, my immediate answer didn’t worry me. “At first, I couldn’t relax because I was trying to figure out why anyone would be into that stuff, but when you told me to sit down on the floor and forget about the cameras and everyone in the room, I did. Because you told me to.”
“And what happened then?” He nuzzled his nose into my damp hair. I smiled when I heard him inhale my scent. I shrugged because I couldn’t put my feelings into words. “Do you want to know what I saw from where I stood?”
I nodded.
“Your entire body relaxed while you were playing. You stopped worrying about what was expected of you. And that’s a big part of why some people are into this lifestyle. For the littles, it’s all about being able to let go of the expectations society puts on them. They can put aside their adult side and sink into a role, go back to a time when life was simpler, if you will.”
“But why?”
“That seems to be your favorite question,” Levi mused. “You remind me of a little boy, so curious about a world he doesn’t understand.” He paused, and I felt his muscles tense before he shook his head.
“You were going to say something else. What was it?”
“It was nothing.” I could tell he was lying but didn’t want to call him out and ruin the moment. I closed my eyes, allowing myself to feel the warmth of his body chasing away the last of the chill from me being caught in the storm. I listened to the rain outside; it had slowed considerably.
“Tell me,” I pleaded, my voice barely above a whisper. I lifted my hand, cupping his cheek. I might not be sure what was happening here, but every minute I grew a little more desperate to find out. I parroted his words from earlier back at him. “Nothing you say will make me think less of you.”
“Would you let me show you instead?” I turned my head and zeroed in on the uncertainty in his eyes. “Let me give this to you. I promise, I’m not trying to get into your pants.”
“Isn’t that the whole point of all this kinky stuff John’s doing?”
“Not always,” he reassured me. “Sometimes, it’s a way for people to simply do something that feels good. And I want to make you feel good.”
I didn’t give myself time to overthink. No matter where this led, I felt like this was the moment where I could take control of something in my life. And if it allowed me a few more minutes of peace from my racing mind, that was even better. “Yes, please.”
4
Levi
With two little words,the tension began to ebb from my body and my muscles relaxed. It’d been a careless risk, offering to introduce Matteo to what turned me on, but his eager yet polite response told me it’d be worth it. Every nerve ending in my body came to life as I pushed Matteo off my lap and instructed him to wait for me. If we were going to do this, I wanted John and Denny to make themselves scarce for a bit.
I glanced back at my boy as I approached them, my heart melting at his shy smile. His knee bounced rapidly as he ran his hands down the fabric of his pants, not trying to hide his nervousness. Good. For better or worse, I didn’t want him feeling he had to hold back anything he felt when we were together.
“You guys mind leaving us alone for a little bit?” I asked when John noticed I was standing behind them.
“Everything okay?” He followed my gaze to Matteo and shook his head. “Man, you didn’t think I was serious when we made that little bet the other night, did you?”
“Bet? What bet?” Denny perked up, closing the little steno pad he’d been scribbling notes in. His eyes narrowed on John and he opened his mouth to say something else, but John silenced him with a finger pressed to his lips, obliterating any sense of personal space. Denny’s shoulders and gaze softened.
“Levi didn’t believe me when I told him Matteo’s straight,” John explained. I glared at him, willing him to shut the hell up because I didn’t want Matteo overhearing and thinking this was all some big joke to me. “Trust me, when we first met, I tried everything to catch that boy’s attention, but there wasn’t the slightest bit of interest.”
“Not being interested in you isn’t the same as not being interested in men in general,” Denny pointed out. My jaw tightened, biting back the urge to tell both of them to knock it off. “But this is hardly the time or place to debate someone else’s identity. I’m a bit shocked that you would do such a thing at all, Levi.”
“It wasn’t like that,” I clarified. “And I agree that we shouldn’t be talking about this right now. Matteo’s nervous about today’s shoot and I have an idea to get him in a better headspace, but I don’t think he’ll be able to relax if you guys are watching.”
“No sleeping with the models,” Denny reminded me. It had been one of the few enforced rules since shortly after Denny started doing freelance photography, when a model walked out after having a lover’s spat with Denny’s former assistant.
“I’m not going to sleep with him.”Not yet,the little devil in my head added.Maybe not ever, the angel on my other shoulder corrected. I’d apparently lost my damn mind if I was picturing little animated characters whispering into my ears. “But he needs to relax a bit before we get started. What’ve you got to lose? We can’t do anything until the lights come back on.”
“Fair enough.” Denny gathered his equipment bag and paper coffee cup. “John, let’s do as he asks. Levi’s the most talented assistant I’ve had, and part of that’s because of his ability to read the talent so well.”
“Awww, thanks.” Denny was usually stingy with his praise, so it warmed me to hear him tell someone he was happy with the job I did for him. “I’ll let you know when we’re ready for you to come back out.”
“If the lights come back, we’re shooting, ready or not,” Denny countered before leading John to the apartment. I didn’t miss the way Denny’s fingers curled around John’s elbow or the glances between them.
I walked back over to Matteo and crouched in front of his chair, running my hands over his legs. “It’s okay if you’ve changed your mind. We don’t have to do anything.”
Matteo shook his head. “No, I want this. I need you to help me understand why it calmed me the other day.”
