I sat at the bar nursing a soda while I waited for Matteo to get done with work. He’d been worried about today, and we’d spent much of last night cuddled up on the couch with me reassuring him he’d be fine. I turned my head when I felt Matteo’s presence behind me. He reached out, withdrawing almost as soon as his hand met the small of my back. I ignored the sting of rejection, reminding myself Matteo was new to relationships in general and wewereat his family’s restaurant.
“Hey, Angel,” I greeted him. My eyes darted around the room to see if anyone was watching us. Reassured we were alone, I slid my hand around Matteo’s waist and drew him closer to me. “Everything okay today?”
To his credit, Matteo didn’t back away from me this time. Instead I felt his body relax, and he took a step closer so his legs pressed against the side of my thigh. “I made it through. Glad it’s over.”
“Did something go wrong?” I reached up, tucking the hair that always fell in front of Teo’s face behind his ear. He smiled softly, pressing his cheek into my palm.
“No, they seemed happy when they left. I used the notebook you gave me to keep lists of what I needed to do. And I took extra time to think about what I needed to do before jumping into action.”
“I’m proud of you, Angel. I knew you’d be amazing.” The bartender reappeared, and I allowed Matteo to step away from me. I waved her down, asking what I owed for the soda. When she told me it was on the house, I tried arguing, but Matteo tapped my thigh, shaking his head slightly as if begging me to let the subject go.
“Did you need to stop by your place to pick up anything for tonight or tomorrow?” Matteo and I hadn’t talked about his living arrangements, but I trusted he had his reasons for not telling me. Even the first night we’d spent together, he’d insisted I drive him straight to work, telling me he had a spare change of clothes in the break room. The problem was, if I had to go out of town in two days I didn’t want to waste a single minute with my boy. I knew he didn’t have to work tomorrow, and I’d cleared my schedule so I could devote the entire day to his needs.
Matteo fidgeted with his bottom lip as he followed me to the front door. His shoulders slumped as if he’d lost whatever mental battle he was having with himself. “Have you ever wondered why I don’t invite you to my house?”
I slid my hand into Matteo’s, lacing our fingers together once we were outside the restaurant. I knew he wasn’t comfortable with displays of affection inside where his family might see, but I couldn’t wait any longer for some sort of physical connection to him. I blamed Teo for this new obsession of mine because I knew how tactile he was and would do just about anything to make him happy.
“Honestly, Angel, it’s not something I’ve given much thought to,” I told him. “While I would love to see where you live, I promised I’d never push you to do anything you weren’t ready for, and I wasn’t only talking about sex.”
Teo ducked his head, bumping it against my shoulder the way he did whenever he was embarrassed. Part of me got a thrill out of watching his reactions. He stood up straight again, although his shoulders were still slumped forward a bit.
“I know, but I feel bad because we’re spending all this time together, but only at your place. The thing is… Okay, so I understand this probably makes me seem pathetic, but I still live at home with Mama.”
“And why would that make you pathetic?” I slid my hand to Matteo’s ass and gave him a pinch. Over the past few weeks, he’d gotten better about belittling himself, but I wasn’t going to let him backslide now. “And what did I tell you about talking bad about yourself?”
“You said not to,” he responded, his voice barely above a whisper. “I’m sorry, Daddy.”
I couldn’t remember the last time I’d heard Matteo call me by name. It couldn’t have been since the third or fourth day I’d picked him up from work in the afternoon and brought him back to my house.
“You’re forgiven,” I reassured him. “But as I was saying, you living at home doesn’t make you pathetic. First of all, you’re young. A lot of people your age haven’t moved out on their own yet. Plus, I’ve heard the way you talk about your mama and I’d imagine part of the reason you haven’t found a place of your own yet is because you don’t want her all alone.”
“I guess you’re right.” Matteo didn’t sound convinced. What he failed to realize was how much time I spent listening to what he meant more than the words he said. He had an extremely tender heart and didn’t want to see anyone else hurting. Being the only child who was still living at home when his father died, I imagined it was even harder for him to leave the nest than it was for the other boys.
The little glimpses I’d gotten of the Marino family made me envious because it was something I’d never had. I hadn’t had a bad home life, but we were a group of strangers with nothing more in common than a shared genetic bond. “Now that you’ve told me, is there anything you need from your place? I’m planning on doing nothing other than spending time with you until I leave, and I don’t want to waste time having to get dressed and drive across town because you realized you needed something.”
Matteo grimaced, and I thought about what I’d just said. I was an idiot sometimes. “That came out wrong. I’m sorry. Once we get back to my place, I’d rather spend time with you than have to come back down here because you need something.”
“And you don’t think it’s weird if I bring some stuff to keep it at your place?”
Maybe it should’ve seemed odd how much of Matteo’s stuff occupied my space, but like everything else with him, it felt right. I liked seeing traces of him when I got up to take a break from editing photos or responding to the emails Denny forwarded for me to handle.
“Does that worry you, Angel?” He nodded. “I suppose it might seem odd to some people, but those people don’t matter. If I had my way, all your things would be at my place. I’m not trying to push you, but I want you to know where my head is at. Yes, things have progressed quickly between us, but we also connected on a level most people don’t understand. And it’s easier for me to take care of you when we’re together.”
Matteo waited at the side of the car until I opened his door. We’d come to an agreement that I wouldn’t buckle his belt unless we were at my place because he still worried someone would see him and think he was incapable of taking care of himself. Slowly, we were trying to work on how much he considered what others thought about our relationship.
“I hope it doesn’t upset you if I say I’m not ready to live together yet.” When Matteo started chewing on his fingernails, I swatted his hand away from his face. Bile rose in my throat as I wondered yet again if I was pushing him further than he was ready for. “I’m not saying it’ll never happen, and it might not make sense to you because I am always over at your place, but right now I need to know I have a safety net. Getting involved with anyone is still so new to me, I’m having a hard time trusting it won’t all fall apart.”
“I can absolutely respect your concerns. Thank you for being honest with me.” I gave Matteo’s knee a gentle squeeze. He still hadn’t answered my original question. “So, are we stopping or not?”
“I think I have everything I need,” he told me.
I wasn’t going to push him to take me home, partly because I wasn’t sure I was ready to meet the rest of his family yet. We drove in relative silence the rest of the way to my place, and Matteo once again waited patiently in the car for me to come around and open his door. Once we were inside, I led Teo to the bedroom where I’d laid out some of his favorite little boy clothes, prepared for him to need some time to decompress tonight after a stressful day at work.
“Do you want to color while I make you something to eat or would you rather go in the living room and watch cartoons?” For the first time, he considered the options I’d given him rather than instantly saying he wanted to be right next to me.
“I’m kind of tired,” he admitted as he rubbed his eyes. “Would it be okay with you if I lie down in front of the TV?”
“Not a problem at all, Angel,” I told him. Teo lifted his hands above his head and waited for me to undress him. I wasn’t sure he even realized anymore just how much of his care he’d turned over to me in the month since we’d gotten together. I stripped him out of the polo shirt he wore to work and kneeled before him to untie his shoes.
