“It’s nothing,” I lied, unable to bring myself to admit I was upset that this would be the first weekend he was out of town since we got together. He was leaving Friday after Ryan got home from school and wouldn’t be home until sometime on Sunday. And now, hearing he’d be late Wednesday, too… well, I was a selfish bastard sometimes.
The crack of Calvin’s hand on my ass pulled me right out of my internal pity party. “Care to try again?”
“No, Cal.” I didn’t want him to repeat the question because I knew I’d lie again. If he knew how needy I could be, he’d end things. I needed to be strong and remember my place in his life.Smack!“Fuck, that hurts!”
“Well, it sure as hell isn’t supposed to tickle.” He slapped me again in the same spot as before. My ass was on fire. “Tell me why you’re really upset.”
“I’ll be fine,” I promised him. When we’d gone over the tournament schedule, Calvin had assured me he would still send me the messages I’d come to rely on over the past month. The only difference would be I wouldn’t have to cook breakfast for two in the mornings and he wouldn’t be here waiting for me when I got home. I could do this. It wouldn’t be any different than when I was single.
Crack!“Try again.”
Tears leaked from my eyes. I shook my head, not trusting my voice to hold onto my secret.Smack!My knees buckled, but I immediately put myself back in position, sticking my ass out, needing more. Chasing relief. Fuck, I was so twisted up I was all but begging him to spank me.
Calvin continue his assault on my ass until I was sobbing while begging him to let me come. He denied my release, but gathered me in his arms and led me into the living room. I buried my face in the crook of his neck and tried to get control of myself. Calvin repeatedly kissed my cheek, forehead, temple, anywhere his lips could reach while telling me it’d all be okay. When I calmed down, he asked, “Are you ready to talk now?”
I didn’t want to, but I knew Calvin pushed me because he cared. He’d repeatedly hammered home the point that I didn’t have to hold all my stress and worry inside, that hewantedme to talk to him. Well, we’d see if that was true.
“I hate that you’re leaving this weekend and that pisses me off because I know you have a life but I don’t want to come home when you’re not here,” I blurted without a pausing to take a breath. “I used to love being on my own. Didn’t want anyone nosing into my business, but I need that with you and I don’t know why it freaking matters so much to me.”
“Oh Frankie.” Calvin sighed. “I don’t want to go, either, but it’s really only Saturday that you’ll be alone. You said you were going to work late Friday night so Tony could have a night off and Sunday morning you’ll be busy with brunch. And just because I’m not here doesn’t mean we won’t talk. Would it help if we look at the schedule and figure out when I could call to check in on you?”
“No, because I shouldn’tneedthat from you,” I argued. The crux of my problem was I felt weak for being so reliant on him. “How long will you stick around if you know this is your life?”
“If you remember correctly, I’m the one who pushed you into letting me give you some structure,” Calvin reminded me. He was still rubbing my back and my leg, giving me something to focus on to get my mind off my insecurities. “I didn’t do that because you’re weak, I did it because you’re so damn head strong you couldn’t bring yourself to admit you need help sometimes.”
And because I make bad life decisions when it all gets to be too much.
“Every day we’re together, you amaze me, Frankie.” He tightened his strong arms around my torso. “Remembering how you resisted when you didn’t think you wanted any of this helps me never take a moment with you for granted. Just because there are times when we won’t be physically together doesn’t mean it’ll do anything to diminish what I feel for you. If anything, those are going to be the most important times for us to find ways to stay connected. I promised to be your rock and I intend to keep my promise.”
An alarm started blaring from my phone. Great. My meltdown meant there was no time for breakfast because today was a day I had to be at the restaurant early to meet with suppliers. “I’m sorry about breakfast.”
“Life happens,” Calvin assured me. “You get dressed and I’ll throw something together that you can eat on the way.”
“What about you?” Calvin always took care of dinner, not wanting me to cook after I’d spent all day at the restaurant, and in return, breakfast was supposed to be my meal to prepare.
“Just this once, I think I can manage on my own,” he told me. I worried my bottom lip because routines had become everything to me. Taking care of him in some small way grounded me. “If it makes you feel better, you can handle dinner tonight. I won’t be too late, but I do have to take Ryan to practice.”
“Is he staying here tonight?” If he was, I’d need to order extra food. I couldn’t remember if me and my brothers ate like that when we were teens, but if we did, it made sense why Papa always complained and said he could’ve used at least one girl in the family.
“No, he’s staying with Marisa since we’ll be out of town this weekend.” Calvin urged me off his lap. I grumbled as I stood, because I’d much rather blow off work and stay here with him. “Come on, brat. The sooner you leave, the sooner you’ll be home.”
* * *
Wednesday night,I took Calvin’s suggestion and invited Max over for dinner. He’d asked if I wanted to meet at the bar, but I was trying to stay away from my old haunts. Going to bars, Club 83 in particular, felt like temptation. Worse, it felt like a betrayal to Calvin if I went out when he wasn’t with me. I hadn’t mentioned that fear to him because I knew he’d tell me I was being ridiculous, but I couldn’t change the way I felt.
Luckily, Max hadn’t put up too much of a fight when I suggested a low-key night at our place instead. He offered to bring the beer if I supplied a pan of Mama’s lasagna. I’d rather eat just about anything else on the menu because it was the same dish Ryan requested every time he was over for dinner, but I didn’t complain. People liking the food we served was good for business.
Max let out a low whistle when I invited him into the house. It wasn’t opulent, which made me wonder what Max was used to. Which then made me feel like an ass because I’d never gotten to know him, and he’d been the only person I’d trusted to keep my secrets. Giving him a quick tour of the house was awkward as hell. He kept shaking his head, making little huffing noises.
Lucky for me, Max waited until after dinner to address the elephant in the room. While he was digging through the stack of video games Ryan and I had amassed, he said, “I don’t get you, man.”
“What do you mean?” There was a chance he wasn’t going to call me out, right?Wrong.
“I helped you out figuring you needed the cash. Believe me, I’m the last person who’d judge another for doing stupid shit out of desperation.” He rested back on his heels and gave up the pretense of looking for a game for us to veg out to. “First, Eli tells me that you need help at Marino’s and I didn’t question much because I figured you just worked there. Imagine my surprise when I found out you run the damn joint.
“Then, I figured maybe the restaurant wasn’t doing so good and you were trying to save it,” he continued. Max grabbed two more beers out of the carrier and flipped the tops off. “But now I think that was off base, too, because this isn’t the type of place someone who’s tricking to make ends meet could afford.”
This was another of those annoying crossroads. I could blow Max off or I could tell him the truth. I was tired of weaving my web of lies. That part of my life was in the past but I had to own up to what I’d done if I wanted to move forward. Or something like that. Still, telling him too much would mean cluing him in to what Calvin and I did, and I wanted our private life to stay that way. No one needed to know the details of our relationship.
