“What more could you have done?” I ask, my heart breaking seeing him like this. “You took her to rehab. You were there when—”
“I gave up on her,” he says, raising his voice. “I was fucking selfish, and I abandoned her. I knew I couldn’t be around someone who refused to change, or else I’d fall right back into it. I put myself before her. I—”
“That’s not being selfish, Eric. That’s surviving.” His eyes dart to mine. “If you hadn’t stayed sober, maybe you wouldn’t be here.”
“And maybe that would have been for the best.”
My throat grows thick with tears and my chest hurts as I listen to his words.
“Eric,” I say, my voice no more than a whisper. “Please tell me you don’t actually believe that.” He turns away and rests his hands on the kitchen counter. “I think it’s important to remember that you were both adults. You made your choices, and she made hers. She was the one who decided—”
“You weren’t there, Tyler! You didn’t know her!” He shouts and turns to face me and I’m so surprised by his outburst that I flinch.
He’s right. I wasn’t there, and I didn’t know her. All I know is what I’d read in the news articles. Not the mostreliable source, considering I have someone right in front of me telling me what she was really like before…well, before everything.
I lower my head and press stop in the Voice Memos app before folding my notebook closed and standing from the table.
“Tyler, I’m sorry,” he says, taking a step toward me, but I take a step back, and he stops. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have lost my temper like that.”
“No, it was my fault. I crossed a line, and I shouldn’t have said what I said. It wasn’t my place. I’m sorry,” I say, my voice wavering as I fight to hold back the tears threatening to fall. “You’re right, I wasn’t there, and I don’t know. All I know is…” I stop, forcing my eyes to meet his. I want him to feel my next words. To know how much I mean them. “I don’t want to think about a world without you in it.”
Desperate to put distance between us, I walk back to my room and close the door.
THIRTY-FOUR
Eric
? It's Not Over - Daughtry?
Idon’t want to think about a world without you in it.
Tyler’s words still echo in my mind and tug at something in my chest. She cares about me. She tries so hard to play it off, but she does. I fucking know she does, and it’s starting to drive me crazy.
I felt things start to shift when we were at my parents’ house over the break, but as soon as I felt her getting close, she pulled away again. I checked with my lawyer, and if I can just get her to admit how she feels, we can amend the contract. We can end this incessant torture and just be together.
A soft knock at the door pulls my focus from my phone where I’m in the middle of my pre-show ritual of scrolling social media.
“Hey,” Tyler says, stepping into the greenroom. “I’m glad it’s just you in here. I wanted to apologize about earlier.”
“Like I already told you, there’s no need. I lost my temper. I should be apologizing to you.”
“No,” she says, crossing the room to me. “This is your story. Your life. What you need is someone to listen. You don’t need someone to tell you how you should feel. I’m so,sosorry, Eric.”
“It’s forgiven, Sunshine,” I say. “I like that you care about me.” Her eyes dart to mine and I smirk. After just over four months on this tour, I’m getting sick of dancing around this, so I’m pushing. Maybe it’ll blow up in my face, but I don’t know how much more of this I can take.
“And it’s cute,” I say, lifting the braid she has pulled over her shoulder into my fingers and sliding them down the length, my knuckles barely missing her breast as my hand moves over the twisted strands. “The way you keep trying so hard not to want me.”
“We’re not talking about this,” she says. “We had a deal.”
“Well, maybe I’m no longer on board with that deal.”
“I refuse to be another notch in your bedpost,” she says, forcing a confidence to her voice, but I hear the way it wavers.
“Oh, but you already are,” I remind her with a wink.
“Yeah, well, I don’t make the same mistake twice,” she says. I tell myself she’s deflecting, but her words feel like a punch to the gut anyway.
“Is that what I am to you, Ty?” I ask, stepping closer. “A mistake?”
