To say everyone went ballistic would be an understatement. People had been shouting our names before, but they were downright screaming them now. So many cameras flashed, I was suddenly thankful that I didn’t suffer from epilepsy.
I pulled out of the kiss first, looked down into her beautiful brown eyes, and felt my heart sink in my chest.
Her normally clear eyes were glassy, and her pupils were dilated. I swallowed the hundred questions I wanted to ask, knowing this wasn’t the time or place, and focused instead on posing for the cameras.
Once we gave the cameras enough, I threaded my fingers through hers and we walked inside. As soon as we were relatively alone, I pulled her aside into an alcove.
“Amy?” I asked, she looked at me and grinned.
“Hey handsome,” she said, the words slurring slightly. To anyone who didn’t know her, it’d be hard to tell she was on something. But I knew her, and I knew something wasn’t right.
“Are you…high?”
She giggled.
“Well, I was feeling a little nervous, so Stella gave me something to help calm me down.”
Fucking Stella.
Stella Murphy was the eldest Murphy sister, lead guitarist for Murphy’s Law, and the one person Amy idolized. Stella was very open about her fondness for drugs and alcohol. She’d been arrested for possession multiple times and had so many DUIs that she no longer had a license. Not that that stopped her from getting behind the wheel anyway.
Long story short—Stella Murphy was a trainwreck, and thus, my least favorite person on Earth.
“Oh, don’t look at me like that,” she said, swatting at the air. “It’s fine. It’s nothing serious. No different than having a few drinks. Stella said it’s totally safe. It’ll just take the edge off. And you know what? She was right. I feel pretty fucking good.”
I ran a hand over my face, considering my options.
Option one: Ignore this and continue on as planned, which didn’t sit well with me. I was just starting to claw my way out of my own dependencies, and it terrified me to imagine Amy—an incredibly talented, driven,goodwoman—venturing down what could potentially be an even more dangerous path.
Option two: Find Stella and chew her irresponsible ass out, which would ultimately do nothing but upset Amy.
Or option three, and the one I wanted more than anything: Get Amy the fuck out of there and away from her sister and this whole messed up idea that a few pills one time won’t turn into something you can’t pull yourself away from. Grab her by the hand andrun. Run away and never look back.
Not exactly a viable option for obvious reasons.
“Promise me this was a one-time thing, Amy,” I said, placing my hands on her face and forcing her eyes to mine. “Please.”
“Don’t be such a hypocrite,” she said, pulling away from me.
“Excuse me?” I asked.
“If you expect me to be okay withyou, an ex-alcoholic, lecturingmeabout taking a few pills, you’re out of your goddamn mind.” My mouth hung open in shock. “I’m fine,” she continued. “And I don’t know about you, but I’m here to actuallyenjoymyself. So, if you don’t mind, that’s what I’m going to go do.”
She turned and walked away without another word, and I felt like someone punched me in the stomach when I watched her snag two drinks from a tray on her way through the crowd.
****
Eric hasn’t looked at me in over twenty minutes. His eyes are fixed on his hands as he twists one of the rings on his fingers. Tears sting my eyes, and I feel like an asshole as I study him, realizing how hard this is for him to re-live.
“Was that the first time she’d used?” I ask.
“As far as I know, yes.”
I knew we’d have to talk about the beginning of her battle with addiction at some point, but maybe it was too early. Or maybe…maybe this is something that will always haunt him. No matter how much time passes.
“You blame yourself, don’t you?” I ask. He nods. “Hey,” I say, reaching across the table and placing my hand over his. “There is no way you could have known how bad it would get.”
“But Idid, Ty,” he says, pulling his hand out from under mine and standing. “I wasn’t exaggerating. Something was screaming inside me that night. Alarm bells were ringing.” He takes a beat and starts pacing. “As soon as we were inside and I had her alone, I knew she liked it—the way it made her feel—and when you like it, you chase it.” He’s quiet for a moment before he continues. “And it doesn’t matter what anyone says, or how much time passes, I will never forgive myself for not doing more.”
