Meela asks the question in a calm, neutral tone. If she’s shocked by my bombshell, she’s a pro at hiding it. I relax a little, grateful for her listening ear and tact in this situation.
“Two weeks, maybe.” I hesitate, mentally kicking myself for not knowing the exact date. “I’m not sure.”
“Have you ever been late before?” she probes further.
“I honestly don’t know.” I shake my head, disgusted with myself. “I’ve never actually paid attention.”
“Okay, let’s backpedal and not raise the alarm just yet. A late period doesn’t necessarily mean pregnancy,” Meela explains, covering my trembling hands with her own. “We’ll get a pregnancy test after school and—”
“I can’t buy a pregnancy test!” I explode, raw panic icing my veins. “Sandman has people watching me everywhere. He can’t know. He can’t,” I reiterate, fresh tears stinging my corneas and spilling over.
There’s no telling how he would react. His hatred for me is too potent… too lethal. I’m afraid he’ll hurt me. Yes, it’s better to keep him in the dark and pray he doesn’t find out.
“Hey, don’t worry,” she murmurs, wiping my face with her sleeve. “I’ll buy the pregnancy test while you wait in the car. He won’t find out.”
“Thank you.” I drop my chin onto my upraised knees, feeling fatigued and lightheaded.
“So let me get this straight,” Meela emphasizes, tilting her head in thought. “You’ve had sex but never full-blown, deep-in-your-guts penetration?”
Humiliation climbs up my neck and seeps into my cheeks. “Yeah. Sandman only puts the tip in.”
“Okayyy.” She drags out the word, her beautiful features squinching in confusion. “Why?”
“Because he likes toying with me.” My harsh laughter echoesthrough the bathroom. “I want my first time to be special, and he knows it. He can go deeper at any time and take my virginity. It’s one of his sick mind games.”
“And he comes inside you?”
I nod. “Every single time. I didn’t even think pregnancy was a possibility since he didn’t go all the way, you know?”
“Whenever semen enters a woman’s body, pregnancy is possible,” Meela explains.
“But how? How is it possible?” I ask, completely at a loss. “He didn’t pop my cherry. I would’ve known if he had, right? I would’ve been hurting and bleeding.”
I only felt pleasure. Sweet, horrible pleasure.
I shut the door on that treacherous thought immediately.Not today, Satan.
“Well, the hymen, aka the cherry, is just a layer of tissue that surrounds the vaginal opening. It doesn’t actually cover it, so technically there’s no barrier. That’s just a myth,” she clarifies, and my jaw nearly plummets to the tile floor. “The hymen doesn’t break, but it can tear. It stretches and thins over time too. No hymen is exactly the same, and some women don’t bleed during their first time.”
My fucking God. I’m clueless about my own damn body.
“How the hell do you know all this shit?”
Meela’s lip spreads into a wicked grin. “Research, babe. Tons and tons of research.”
“I’m so fucking stupid.”Too fucking stupid to be a mother.
“You’re not stupid. That fanciful shit has been drilled into our heads from a young age.” She leans in close. “Wanna know a secret? First, you have to promise to keep your lips zipped. I have a reputation to uphold.”
“I won’t tell a soul.” I draw an invisible cross over my chest. “Promise.”
“I’m a virgin,” Meela tells me.
“Mmm-hmm.” I suck my teeth. “And I’m the Queen of England.”
“It’s true,” she responds, a serious note in her tone. “I’m saving mycherry.”
“Forhim?” I ask, connecting the dots. “That’s why you did all the research.”
