I clear my throat.
“And you don’t need to look at it,” I attempt to interject.
But Niko just shrugs, handing Aaron the phone. “It’s fine.”
My brother’s presence is at least tying me back down to Earth, after I’d felt like I was floating into the goddamn stratosphere.
Aaron scrolls through Niko’s Insta page.
Usually, I’d be worried that an X-rated notification might pop up on Niko’s phone, but before we went on this trip, Niko went through his settings and muted and locked down every potentially bad notification on his phone. It’s safe.
But I still would rather not have my brother looking through Niko’s Instagram, anyway.
It makes me feel so exposed, having a family member see pictures of us where we look like a sweet couple, knowing that it’s all going to have to end in January.
Now my brother’s probably going to follow Niko’s account, and I know he’s going to pester the living shit out of me when the breakup comes.
“Wow,” Aaron says, scrolling through the photos. “Dude. Niko, you are so much fucking cooler than my brother.”
I reach past Niko and give my brother a shove. “Shut up, Aaron.”
“No offense, Ollie,” Aaron says, laughing. “These pictures are so cool. You really should go into photography. How do you get it to look like that?”
“I have an app where I can tune the colors and shadows to get them exactly how I want them.”
The two of them start to nerd out about photography, lighting, and colors for the next ten minutes.
And I watch my brotherbondwith Niko.
Because life couldn’t get any fucking weirder, apparently.
Aaron insists on turning on his new favorite zombie show afterward, and we all watch together.
The side of my body is pressed up against Niko’s as we relax into the couch. I’m hyper aware of it, but every time I move off a little, he adjusts and we’re touching again.
I don’t know if he’s doing it on purpose. But I want it so badly my chest starts to ache again.
Have I felt normal atallsince Niko came into my life? It’s been day after day of nonstop change in my world. Changes I’ve wanted for a long time, and some that I haven’t.
If I could do it all over again, would I?
One thought rings out over all the rest.
Of course I fucking would. I would do all of this for him, again and again.
The room is warm. After a couple of episodes, under the blankets and cozy next to him, I start to doze off every time I blink my eyes.
When the music at the end of the third episode sounds out, I wake up with a start, blinking over at Niko.
“I think it’s past Ollie’s bedtime,” Niko says. “Was fun hanging out, though, Aaron. We can watch more tomorrow.”
“Mhm. Tomorrow,” I mumble.
“Peace,” Aaron says, hopping off the couch and headingout fast. He bounds away to the stairs that lead down to the basement, where his room is.
“Your brother’s fun,” Niko says.
“He thinks you’re cooler than me.”
