His words reverberated around her, puncturing the peace and sanctuary of Hollyhocks Cottage.
‘Oh, I see…’ Her heart stopped for the briefest moment, although why she should be surprised, she didn’t know. Wasn’t this what she had expected all along? This was no impromptu visit to check up on her wellbeing. It was why he had asked if Hannah was at home when he arrived. He was here to tell her that their relationship was over and that he was going back to his wife. Her insides folded in upon themselves, her heart feeling as though it was being wrung out like a sopping wet towel. First, Barney going missing, then the shock of Charles’s hospital admission and now this. She’d been doing a good job at keeping it all together these last few days, but this might be what finally broke her.
‘It’s the children. Although they seem, to all intents and purposes, to be grown-up, they still want their mum and dad to be together. I suppose that’s only natural.’
She was nodding, sensing a heat burning in her cheeks, not trusting herself to speak until she got her thoughts in order. She’d been a fool to think that what she’d had with Rob, an instant and intense connection that had been nurturing and supportive to them both as they navigated their way through the tricky waters of the aftermath of their respective marriage breakdowns, could sustain and grow into something more permanent and long-term. Her feelings for Rob had been real, but she’d ignored the alarm bells that rung in her head, warning that the deep and meaningful bond she’d made with Rob was transitory, something that was never intended to last beyond its natural course.
‘I understand.’ She glanced across at him, not wanting to make eye contact, not wanting to find the kind sympathy there. It appeared that he couldn’t look at her either, as his attention was fixed on Barney as he ran his hand distractedly through the dog’s coat. Trust Barney not to appreciate the enormity of the situation. He was lapping up the attention, looking up longingly at Rob, oblivious to Tess’s inner turmoil, but then Barney and Rob had established their own bromance from the outset.
Tess wouldn’t have expected Rob to act in any other way. He was a good guy who took his responsibilities seriously, who wouldn’t just walk away without explaining why, and she could sense his regret. In some ways, it would be easier if she could be angry with him. If they could have a big bust-up and she could tell him to go, that she never wanted to see him again, but he didn’t deserve that at all. One thing she knew for certain was that his feelings for her had been genuine, but he had commitments and responsibilities that weighed heavily on him, and she couldn’t blame him for that. He certainly wouldn’t be finding this easy. ‘There’s no need to feel guilty.’
‘But I do feel guilty,’ he said, lifting his head to lock his intense blue eyes onto hers. His gaze, the way it ran over her features, had always made her feel special and safe; now it only made her feel sad, knowing she wouldn’t be looking into those gorgeous eyes again. ‘You want to do the right thing by people. That’s a natural instinct for me. As a father, it was always my role to provide solutions and make things better. It hurts when you feel as though you’re letting people down.’
‘It’s okay.’
While she had some sympathy with him, she didn’t want to sit here all night long while he tormented himself over the rights of his decision. He’d made his choice; what more was there to say? They both needed to process what had happened and to be left alone with their thoughts.
‘Really, I do understand, Rob, and it’s absolutely fine, but I think it’s probably best if you leave now.’
‘Ah right, yes.’ He looked around him, dazed, as though Tess’s comment had punctured his train of thought, bringing him back to the moment. He glanced at his glass of wine, which was still half full. ‘I’m sorry, offloading onto you like this; you probably didn’t need to hear all that.’
He stood up, but she couldn’t look at him. Instead, her gaze fell to his feet. What a day it had turned out to be: first Charles and now this. Her emotions were completely wrung out.
‘I should have called you before turning up unexpectedly. I’m sure you must have stuff you need to be getting on with.’
‘Yes,’ she said, nodding. She was barely hanging onto her emotions, but the last thing she wanted was to break down into tears and make the situation any more awkward and uncomfortable than it already was. Was it necessary to prolong the agony? Why couldn’t Rob read the situation and simply leave? She turned towards the kitchen, but Rob grabbed her arm and pulled her round.
‘I’ve upset you, haven’t I? I really had no intention of doing that. Was it speaking about Jennifer that did it?’
His proximity, the touch of his hand on her arm, the trace of his aftershave, all conspired to make her feel even more wretched. It would be so easy to fall into his embrace, and while that was oh-so tempting, knowing that it would provide some much-needed temporary comfort, she knew ultimately, it would only make things worse.
‘You’re not crying, are you?’ he said, pulling her closer so that there was no escape from those searching, mesmerising eyes.
Her body stiffened and she bit on her lip, determined not to react to his touch. She took the deepest breath, anything to stop the tears from flowing.
‘No.’ She shook off his arm. ‘I really don’t know how you expected me to react, Rob. You know I have feelings for you and, to be honest, I was half expecting something like this to happen, but there’s no need for you to worry. I’ll be absolutely fine.’
His brow creased, a familiar small line appearing between his eyebrows, his mouth turning up at one side as he looked totally puzzled, before his expression softened, his eyes beseeching now.
‘Err… something like what to happen?’
‘This. It was great, and I’ll always have fond memories, but I guess…’ Her voice trailed away as she clapped her hands together in a gesture of finality. It was time for him to go. She led the way out of the now claustrophobic confines of the orangery, trying to usher Rob out of the cottage as quickly as she could. The sooner he was gone, the better, but it seemed that he had other ideas. He stopped, rooted to the spot, one hand on his hip. Damn, why did he have to look so attractive at a moment like this?
‘Hmmm, I don’t like the sound of that at all. If I didn’t know better, then I might think you were giving me my marching orders. Or have I got the wrong end of the stick entirely? Help me out here, Tess, because I’m struggling.’
‘I’m sorry, perhaps it’s not very mature of me, but in these circumstances, after everything we’ve been through together, I can’t see how you can expect us to remain friends; it simply wouldn’t work. A clean break is much better.’
‘Right, is that so?’ His expression impassive, he strode across the kitchen, placed his hands on the top of her arms and pulled her towards him, kissing her passionately on the lips before she had time to protest. The familiar taste of him lingered on her mouth, causing her to press down hard on her lips to savour the sensation. Still holding her in his arms, he pulled back to look into her eyes, his gaze unwavering. ‘Now, listen to me: I’m not going anywhere unless you can give me one good reason why you’re giving me a whole string of clichés about why you shouldn’t see me any more.’
Something about the way he was looking at her, the way he held onto her as though he might never let her go and snatches of their earlier conversation danced in her head. After the events of the last few days, was it any wonder that she was tired, emotional, muddled even?
‘Because you’re…’ It suddenly dawned on her, as the words formed in her head, but it was too late now to backtrack; she was committed to her point. The words left her mouth before she could stop them. ‘You’re getting back with Jennifer…?’
‘What?’ Now he let her go, pushing her away, opening his palms up to the air in a gesture of disbelief. ‘Did I say that?’
She grimaced, every nerve cell on her face and body tingling in embarrassment. She had the beginnings of a migraine coming on.
‘You were talking about your family and feeling guilty and…’ she faltered ‘…doing the right thing by people and…’ Her words trailed away again.
