“Mhmm.” His voice has dropped an octave. “But I did it anyway, because to me, it was worth it.”
My eyes pop open and Alex is standing closer to me than he was a few seconds ago. I can smell the musky body wash that he used. It doesn’t smell like him, so it’s probably the hotel stuff. I don’t even want to acknowledge that I know what he normally smells like.
“Don’t act like you don’t know how I feel,” he says carefully. His gaze flashes from my eyes to my lips and my entire body freezes. I think my heart actually stops beating as the memories hit me, of those dark eyes above me, gazing down at me with awe.
My fists ball at my sides as I force myself to hold his gaze, despite how uncomfortable it is.
“Don’t do this, Alex. Trust me, you aren’t going to like the outcome.” I try to be firm in my words, but they come out weak and he knows it. Something shines in his eye, like what I said turned this into a challenge. It isn’t a fucking challenge.
“Risks are so much more fun when you’ve got nothing to lose.”
With that, he turns on his heel and leaves the room, leaving me panting and hard as a rock.
Chapter Twelve
Alex
I head down the hall to Hudson’s room, trying to focus on anything but Mack—on anything but what happened between us and his reaction.
Of course, I expected this. I wasn’t lying when I said I knew that Mack would clam up and get pissed off at me, deny what happened between us, and then try to pin it all on me.
This shit is par for the course for me. Jordan Mackenzie isn’t the first straight guy I’ve been with, and I’m sure he won’t be the last, because yes, I’m that fucked up.
The guys I’ve been with… I’ve always been their dirty little secret. Aside from hockey, it’s one thing I’m good at—keeping my mouth shut unless I’m on my fucking knees.
So why is this different? Why does it hurt so much more whenhesays it?
I know the answer, but I don’t like it.
I’m tired of getting my feelings dicked around. Tired of being the guy that’s good enough to suck your cock, but not good enough to be seen with in public.
And the women aren’t any better. Aside from Britt, that is.
I’m good enough to be seen with, but the minute they find out I like dick, being choked, and forced into submission, they get out as fast as they can. And most of the time, I pay for the getaway car.
But Mack’s threats are empty, and I know it. He and I both know it, and maybe that’s why this is different. Maybe that’s why it hurts like a punch to the chest. Because drunk or not, Mack is the one who kissedme.
He was the one who grabbed me and kissed me until I couldn’t fucking breathe, and when he came back after leaving this morning, I saw the way he looked at me, at my naked form, in front of him.
Maybe if this had truly been just a one night stand, some drunk mistake, I could forget about what happened between us. If I didn’t have feelings, this could be different. Feelings I’ve been harboring for three years, stealing every touch and every bitter word I could from my little brother’s friend.
But I know now, without a doubt, it wasn’t a mistake. I’d do it again. And again and again, even if the outcome was the same every time.
I shake the thoughts from my head as I hear his footsteps in the hall. I don’t bother to turn around.
He wants to pretend this didn’t happen? That’s fine. But if I have to be Asshole Alex, I need to focus on something other than the man huffing behind me.
Because the thing is, I’ve played this game before, and I’m really good at it.
He thinks he can pretend everything is fine, but eventually he’ll cave. They always do. And maybe I kind of like that, if I’m being honest. Because Iaman asshole.
Because I’mnotworth more than the pleasure I give.
So maybe I should just accept that and move on with my life.
I feel him as he comes up beside me, breathing heavily as I knock on the door.
I can’t afford to be relaxed, because clearly, I need to forget what happened.
