I down the rest of my whiskey, hoping it’ll help loosen my chest because I can’t breathe.
I hardly remember last night. Bits and pieces of Halley, or whatever her name was, on the floor, sucking off me and Alex. I vaguely remember a kiss. Flashes of me on the bed and Alex with my dick in his—
Nope. Not thinking about that. This is just what I need. More memories of him and dicks to flood my mind. It was bad enough I’d envision him jerking off at random times, thanks to the intrusive thoughts in my head. Now there’s more fuel to throw into that fire. Fuck off.
“Can I get another?” I ask the bartender.
He nods, grabbing my glass and filling it halfway.
I need to find a way to ignore all this shit with Alex and act like everything is fine. It’s the only thing that will ensure no one ever finds out.
Do I really think he took advantage of me? No, not exactly, but this is bad. So fucking bad. Not only because it’s Alex, but because someone else finally made me come. Of course, it had to be him. I groan, shaking my head and pulling my phone from my pocket. I busy myself looking through social media and as I work on this drink. Soon enough, I start to feel better. Relaxed. Not enough to go back upstairs and talk to Alex, like I know I have to, but I am good to do that when the third drink is done.
The shower is going when I get into the room, and so I take a seat on the bed. Things may be easier if I crawl under the blankets and go back to sleep, but that’ll only delay the inevitable. I need to talk to Alex about this as soon as possible to make sure we’re on the same page.
When the water shuts off, my heart pounds a little harder.
You have to do this, Jordan. It’s the only way.
I can do this. I just need to keep my cool and talk to him about this rationally.
Problem is, Alex walks out of the bathroom butt ass naked and my gaze goes right to his dick, and I can’t look away.
“Uh…” he mutters and it snaps me out of my trance.
“Put some fucking clothes on, would you?” I snap. “For fuck’s sake, Alex. Why the hell did I get stuck rooming with you?” I get to my feet and go over to the window, my hands shaking and my dick so fucking hard.
This is a mess. Such a fucking mess.
“Dressed,” he says quietly.
I have to talk myself up to turn around. Even though he has clothes on, I’ll still be able to see him naked in my mind. I count to three and just do it. He’s standing there, looking like a lost puppy.
“I am not apologizing,” I say with a swipe of my hand. He just keeps watching me. “What happened was fucked up.” He nods, but I can tell he doesn’t really agree. “No one can find out about this.”
“Yeah, cool. Whatever.” He shoves his hands into his pockets. “Just avoid me the rest of the trip, I'll be fine.”
“No,” I spit out. “That is exactly what’s going to make people suspicious.”
“Go on,” he says, cocking his head to the side. His hair is still wet, and some stray dark strands fall over his brow. His gaze is vacant, like the lights are on, but there’s no one home—like even though he’s standing in front of me, he’s somewhere else.
“If we’re acting weird, they’re going to know something happened.”
He twists his lips, his gaze dropping to my mouth before flashing up at me. “I mean, they could speculate…”
“I don’t need speculating,” I yell, taking a step closer to him. “I don’t need gossip, and I don’t need people getting ideas in their heads. These people are my friends, my teammates, I don’t need them thinking that I… that I’m… I just don’t need them thinking!”
“Uh huh. Got it,” he says apathetically.
I narrow my eyes, annoyed with how cool he’s being about this.
“Why aren’t you pissed at me?” I ask.
He gives me a lazy shrug.
“Because I knew this would happen.”
“You knew—” I snap my mouth shut and close my eyes, taking a deep breath.
