“All clear,” I whisper, myanxiety kicking in.
“All clear!” he shouts, the excitement lighting up his face, and I feel the tears prickling my eyes.
I nod, feeling more than overwhelmed.
“All clear,” I say through choked sobs as he grabs me and hugs me.
“Alex, that’s so fucking amazing!” he says as he holds me tight.
I wrap my arms around him, closing my eyes as I breathe him in. His body is warm against mine, and I feel like there’s no place I’d rather be.
I need to tell him the truth. I need to ask…
I nod, wiping my tears from my eyes, but he stops me to do it instead.
“Congratulations,” he says, and then I see the reality hit him.
His smile falters for a moment and then he utters, “So this means…”
“I have to go home,” I say, my voice full of apprehension. Of fear. Because what I say next is going to make or break everything.
His hand on my arm is warm and I settle mine over top of his. I squeeze, seeking the friction.
It’s now or never, Alex.
“I want you to come with me,” I say carefully. The words are as delicate as the ice I live on.
It takes him a moment to process my words.
He looks at me with uncertainty in his eyes.
“You wantme—” He clears his throat. “To… come with you.”
There’s a tense silence.
“To Pennsylvania?” he then asks.
I nod. “Well, that’s where I live, so… yes.”
“But I live here…”
“I know,” I say, biting my lip. I don’t think he understands what I’m asking.
“I want you to move with me, Jordan. To Pennsylvania.”
I feel like I might pass out from the silence that forms between us.
It feels like forever before he speaks.
“I can’t move to Pennsylvania,” he says firmly, but sounds slightly unsure. “I can’t upend my life here, Alex. I have a job. I—”
I close my eyes as my breath catches in my throat and my heart stops beating. The vicious voice returns, rearing his ugly tone.
No. No… no… no…
“Why not?” I ask, anxiety swelling within me. I force my eyes shut as I try to push back the storm I know is coming.
Hope has been driving me for too long that I’ve forgotten what the wicked voice sounds like.
