It’s sharp. Brutal.
“Alex…” He breathes my name like a prayer, and I hear the pain in it.
“Why can’t you come with me?” I lean into his space, settling my hands on his hips, pulling him towards me.
“I just can’t.” His voice is heavy.
“If you’re worried about your job, I can take care of you,” I say. “Until you find something, or—”
He shakes his head and looks away from me.
“Or, what? You want me to be your Puck Bunny and travel to all your games, too? Follow you around like a dog?” The bitterness in his voice cuts me to my core.
“It’s not like that,” I say defensively. “Of course, I’d want you there, I’d want you everywhere. Everywhere I am, I want you to be.”
I want you, Jordan Mackenzie. I want to be yours forever because you’re my forever.
“No,” he grits out.
“No?” I repeat the word, its vile taste in my mouth poisoning my heart.
“I can’t,” he says firmly, pulling away from me.
And that’s the moment my heart shatters.
No. He doesn’t want to come with me. He doesn’t wantme.
I close my eyes, feeling numb as my walls come back up.
Walls I forgot existed because I took them down for him. I let him in.
And now…
“Can’t… or won't?” I ask, opening my eyes.
“Don’t be like that, Alex. Don’t put this all on me.”
I stand abruptly, needing to move. If I sit here, I’ll only want to touch him. I’ll only want to throw myself into his arms. I walk into the kitchen just as the timer goes off for the pasta.
“Alex!” he calls out, standing up so fast the sofa scoots across the floor.
I don’t answer him. I casually take out the pasta, fighting back tears.
“Alex, look at me,” he demands.
I carefully plate up one bowl of pasta.
Just one.
I say nothing as I set it on the counter and push it towards him.
“Stop fucking ignoring me, Alex!” The anger in his voice is unmistakable now.
Every part of me feels like it’s crumbling. My body is hot, my heart is loud, and all I want to do is scream, “I love you, I want this life with you! Why is it so hard for you to accept that?”
But that’s not what I say. Not by a long shot. No, instead, I hide behind my wall, behind my armor, trying to protect what’s left of my breaking heart.
“I’m not going to beg you to come with me,” I say solidly. “I know I’m worth it.” I grab my keys and head out the door.
