“I can’t believe you just said that,” Alex whispers. “I love you so much, Jordan. Fuck, so goddamn much.”
I huff out a laugh, sliding my hands around his back so I can kiss his neck. “I love you, too.”
He groans, shaking his head. “This is a dream.”
I smack his ass and it makes a loud cracking sound. He yelps. “Not a dream.”
We go back to kissing for a while, until I’m so hard that I’m dizzy.
“There’s something else,” I say.
His weight on top of me feels so good, and he looks sexy as hell right now. Dark hair all messed up with that charming grin.
“I don’t think I can take anything else.” His voice is tinged with humor, but still carries that cockiness I’ve grown to love.
I laugh again, running my fingers down his face. They trail over his jaw, over his slight stubble. He looks down at me, those dark green eyes shining from beneath his thick lashes.
This is perfect. It’s all so perfect, and why I have any fear when it comes to Alex, is crazy. I shouldn’t. Fuck anyone who is against this, or who is against me for being me. It’s time I give in and let myself be happy for once instead of forcing myself to be miserable.
“I want you to fuck me.”
He blinks, but says nothing. Seconds go by and he’s just staring at me. A ton of emotions hit me, but mostly I worry that I said the wrong thing. That he has no interest in fucking me and I shouldn’t have said that.
“You’re serious?”
“Have you ever known me not to be?” I say, hoping to lighten the mood a little. Things are tense right now.
“Good fucking point,” he whispers before coming down to kiss me again.
He didn’t give me an answer. He didn’t move. He didn’t tell me to move. I don’t know if this is a yes or—
“Wait, did you mean right now?” he asks, panting.
“Yes, right now, Alex.” My tone is darker than I meant, but he reacts well to it. His pupils dilate and he scrambles to get off me. I move to the center of the bed, trying to keep hold of my sanity. I can’t believe I’m about to do this, yet I also can’t believe how much I want it. Howmuch I wanthim.My nerves are kicking in and my heart beats fast as I watch him move, his reflection in the mirrors on the walls that surround us. Before I know it, Alex is crawling onto the bed, a bottle of lube in his hands.
“Are you sure about this, Jordan?” he asks hesitantly. “Because—”
“I’m sure.”
He looks upwards, muttering something to himself, and then he pops the cap and pours lube into his hand before bringing it to me. It’s cold, but he rubs it in, warming it up. I try not to jerk away from his touch, but it’s not easy because nothing haseverbeen there before. He runs his fingers up and down my crease, easing me into the feeling, which helps.
“Relax,” his voice is calm. Much calmer than I feel. Just hearing it combined with his slow, smooth strokes does the trick. I start to settle and allow it to feel good instead of worrying about it being weird. With each pass by my hole, he adds a little pressure, until finally he slips his finger inside.
“Oh fuck,” I blurt out, tightening up.
“You okay?” Alex asks.
“Yep, just trying to adjust.”
He nods, and when I get my body to calm down, he pushes further in.
“Just keep going,” I tell him. “Don’t stop. Don’t ask me if I want you to stop.”
I bend my knees more, putting my feet flat on the bed as Alex slides his finger deeper inside me. He’s careful and slow with his movements. I close my eyes, needing to focus to keep myself relaxed. The more I tense, the weirder it feels. The more relaxed I am… well, it actually feels good.
My toes curl and I find myself breathing heavier the deeper he goes. It all makes sense now… Now that I know whatthisfeels like, I get it.
“I’m going to add another finger,” Alex says softly.
