He lies down, spreading his arms like a starfish and sighs dramatically.
“Jordan Mackenzie’s bed. How ever did I get so lucky?”
How much did he drink? Though, this could just be normal Alex. He says stupid shit in crowds of people, I can only imagine that gets worse when there are less people around.
“Bathroom is down the hall. I am not helping you get undressed,” I growl as I move toward the door. “And if you piss in my bed, you’re buying me a new mattress.”
“Wait, where are you going?” he yells.
I ignore him, pulling my shirt over my head and tossing it by the washroom door before grabbing a bottle of water. I put the TV on, get my boots and jeans off, then lie down on the couch. The two beers I had at thebar were enough to give me a headache, I guess, because my head is fucking pounding. Squeezing my eyes shut, I force myself to sleep, only to be woken up moments later to a loud bang.
I jump off the couch and shouting leads me to the bathroom. I jog over, finding Alex on the floor, kicking his legs and punching the ground. The shelf that was hanging on the wall over the toilet is now on the floor, not far from him. He probably lost his balance, reached for it, and it came down.
“Alex—”
“Fuck off!” he shouts, and that’s when I realize there are tears pouring down his face. “Just leave me alone, Jordan. Go the fuck away.”
Normally I’d tell him off. Let him know he can go fuckhimselfsince this is my house, but some part of me feels bad seeing him like this. So I just stand here, watching him, waiting for him to settle so I can help. Even though I’m not entirely sure how I can help him. But I want to.
“Everyone else leaves me, so just go! I’m not your problem.” He chokes back a sob.
“Alex—”
“What’s the point of this? Of anything!” He kicks my tub with his good leg, banging his hand against the wall. He hangs his arms over his knees, which are pulled up tohis chest. The light of the bathroom flickers, and I look up at it. Been meaning to change that for a while now.
“Everything is ruined. My career is over. My fucking life isruined.”
“No it isn’t, it—”He jerks his head up, the tear stains on his cheeks shining in the light. “Yes it is! I can’t do anything right. Except destroy everything I fucking love. I can’t even piss right!”
I sigh, moving forward and dropping to my knees beside him. I reach for him, but he slaps me away.
“I said leave me alone!” he bellows.
I reach for him again, and he slaps me harder—enough that it echoes in the room. I don’t pull away this time, though. I grab his arm, tug him up, and pull him against me.
He’s shaking, body warm, sobbing as he mutters about how his life sucks and everyone hates him and he’s tired of pretending. He fights my grip, trying to break free, but I hold him tighter, which makes him cry harder. I’ve never seen him like this before.
I’ve always known he has issues, you can see them from a mile away, but this is worse than what I imagined. Or maybe it’s just gotten worse over the years, I don’t know.
“My parents are right. I’m useless.”
“You’re not useless,” I say, after he chokes out those words.
“My knee is fucked and it’s all my fault! I…” He shuts his eyes, his jaw tenses, almost as if he wants to say something but thinks better of it. “If I don’t have hockey, I have nothing. I’ll have to stay in this shit hole. By my fucking self. I hate this place. This town sucks. And so do the people in it.”
“Hey, it’s not so bad,” I say. “I’m here.”
Not that that in any way should be a good thing or a reason to make him want to stay. Alex and I can’t be anything more than what we are. I know this, yet… I’m still drawn to him the way I was all those years ago. I’ve tried to let go of what happened between us, but I still think about it all the time. It still gives me butterflies and has made me miss the fuck out of him. I’d never tell him his enthusiasm and sarcasm are not as awful as I make it seem. It’s also annoyed me to no end because I just don’t fucking understand it.
“You don’t even like me,” Alex mutters against my chest. His palm settles right over my heart, against my bare skin, heating it like a brand.
“Most days,” I say, and that gets me a laugh.
He sniffles, burying his face against my neck.
This… is such a bad idea. Once I realized nothing was broken, I should have left him.
My body stiffens, the familiar tension coming back from all those years ago like it never left. I don’t need him waking up tomorrow thinking we’re together orsomething. I don’t need him running around town, telling people what happened or hoping for more.
