I love it too. But it’s not how I want to go, not this morning.
“Take it off,” I tell him as I shift my position, turning on my side. Cam doesn’t question me, just peels off my underwear as I lift my hips until I’m bare.
I grind my cock against his, grabbing him by the throat, his pulse kicking up as I devour him in a deep kiss.
This… this is so worth the risk, I think to myself.
Cam kisses me back, sliding his tongue into my mouth. I roll him over in the sheets until I’m straddling his waist, gazing down at him.
My hands settle on his chest, fingers tracing his defined muscles, dancing the pathway down his abdomen to his navel, through the hair beneath it. His cock bobs against mine, his stormy grey eyes flashing up at me.
I expect them to look elsewhere, but they stay on my face. They hold me without chains, keeping me still.
No one’s ever looked at me that way before. Like they love me.
The real me.
My throat tightens as I try to find the words.
I love you.
I realize with startling clarity that I’ve said those words a hundred times to Savannah, but I’ve neverfeltthem. I said them because they were the script. They were written in the code.
But as I look at Cameron beneath me, one hand wrapped around our cocks, the other settled on his stomach, I realize what they mean.
What it feels like to actuallylove.
I love him. I think I’ve always loved him. I think it would be impossible to stop loving him.
“Fuck, Austen…” He thrusts his hips up, making his cock slide against mine. I slowly stroke us, lathering our cocks in our combined precum and he groans. Loudly.
I watch him intently, committing every expression and sound to memory.
He’s so beautiful when he comes undone; all tensing muscles and pinched eyebrows and parted lips.
All pleasure. All mine.
I have to stop, though, or I’ll come and I don’t want to. Not yet, anyway.
I let go, knowing he’s close. We both are.
“Can I fuck you?” I ask, my heart pounding away in my chest.
The words I want to say are so much deeper than that, but every time I try to say them, I freeze. Actions speak louder than words, right?
I’ve had sex a handful of times— with Savannah, since she was my first—but I’ve never made love to her.
I’ve never felt connected during the act. Quite the opposite, actually.
And honestly, every time I had sex with Savannah, it always ended with me getting myself off.
But I get the feeling that sex with Cam will be different. And not just because he’s a man, though there is that.
Cam bites his bottom lip, and I think he’s going to say no.
We haven’t talked about it much, except for the basics. I know he’s clean because he made a point to show me he gets tested, and was adamant that he used condoms every time. I’m fine using them, if it makes him feel better. I haven’t been tested in awhile, since Savannah and I stopped having sex altogether.
But she was the only person I ever slept with, and the last time I did get a test, I was clean as a whistle, which I told him.
