Chapter Four
Sheridan
TOMORROW IS MY next appointment and the day I’ll see Axel again. I haven’t talked to him in the last six days and my heart hurts. Knowing he’s pissed off at me like this is killing me slowly because I never lied to him and the last thing I want is for us to be like this. Axel was right when he said I’m one of the few people who knows how he feels about liars and it’s the last thing I’d ever do to him. There is no reason to lie. This was a complete accident and I really didn’t think about being on antibiotics and the effect it would have on my birth control. It was a mistake. A huge one and now I have a feeling I’ll be paying for it the rest of my life when it comes to Axel.
Shelly is pissed as hell at him. She knows I would never intentionally deceive him and can’t understand why he won’t listen to me. Or believe what I’m telling him. When she found out what happened, Shelly wanted to go find him and give him a piece of her mind. My best friend has never been one to hold back when it comes to me. She’ll fight to the death if it means I’m safe and unharmed in any way. So, her watching me cry and sink in on myself is hurting her. However, I wouldn’t let her go find Axel because he has his reasons for acting the way he is right now. I’m just hoping we can get past this and at least be civil to one another once the baby is born. The last thing I want is for us to be at odds like this when our son is here. It’s not how I want toraise him or an environment I want our son to be in the middle of.
I’ve been to the hospital once more since my last appointment because I was once again dehydrated and felt like shit. I didn’t let Axel know because he wouldn’t show up to sit in a hospital room with me for hours. The only good part about the situation is the medicine they give me allows me to eat at least a full meal without getting sick. My dad took me to the hospital after I called Dr. Matthews and sat with me.
My dad also wants to talk to Axel about everything, but I refuse to let him. He doesn’t get mad very often, but if my dad feels I’m being wronged, he’ll go off like no one’s ever seen before. The last time I saw him explode was when my mother tried to kill me by intentionally crashing her car. It wasn’t a good experience and I’m happy I’ve only witnessed it once. Then, I have a feeling my dad held back a little bit when he went off on my mother, or incubator as I like to refer to her, and he wouldn’t do the same with Axel. He’d go off and more than likely hit him before anyone could stop it from happening. I don’t blame him, or Shelly, for how they feel, but this is the situation we’re currently in and I won’t allow anyone to hurt Axel for how he feels and what he believes.
“Bitch! Where you at?” Shelly calls out as I relax on the couch with my laptop in my lap.
“Right here,” I answer her, hitting submit on the assignment I just finished for one of my classes. “Is it just you today?”
“Yeah. Kyle is back at school already for football. He left a few days ago,” she answers me, sitting at my feet and fixing the blanket covering my legs as I close my laptop and set it on the table next to me. “How are you feeling today?”
“I’m actually feeling pretty good. I managed to get some cleaning done, ate two small meals and kept them down, and I got the last of my assignments for the week done and submitted,” I inform her as I lean back against the pillow at my back. “My back isn’t killing me right now either. It hurts, but it’s at a level I can manage since I’ve dealt with this for years.”
“Why don’t we go shopping then? You’ve gotten nothing for the baby and he’ll be here before you know it,” she suggests gently knowing I’ve put this off because buying baby furniture and everything else means this is real and my life is about to change in ways I can’t even imagine at this point.
“Okay. It might be good to get out of the house for a while. I don’t want to go too far though in case something happens,” I say, sitting up on the couch and pushing myself up.
Instead of standing on my feet, I fall back to the couch. Shelly and I start laughing our asses off because this isn’t the first time it’s happened and it has nothing to do with me being dizzy. I’m so big now that I can’t always get off the couch or out of bed the first time I try. It’s like I don’t have enough momentum to get up without help.
“Come on, let’s get you up,” Shelly says when we finally manage to stop laughing. “I swear you’re bigger now than yesterday when I was here. You’re gonna have a huge baby.”
“Stop! I’m not bigger than I was yesterday, Asshole. Though, I wouldn’t be surprised if the baby is big. I’d have to ask Axel how big he was when he was born. That would mean having an actual conversation though,” I tell her as my face falls and the pain hits me again. This shit sucks!
“Don’t think of him, Sheridan. He’ll either come around and realize what a stupid fucker he’s being or you’ll only talk when it’s about the baby. Now, my nephew needs a ton of shitand Auntie Shelly is gonna spoil him. You got your list of what you need to buy?” Shelly questions me, knowing I make lists for everything and stash them around the house depending on what I’m doing and where I am.
“Yeah. It’s actually on my phone. Axel said he’d pay for everything, but I really don’t want to go to him for this. I’m more than capable of buying what our son needs myself without having to run to him,” I tell her, grabbing my phone, keys, wallet, and water bottle from the table. I have to keep a water bottle with me at all times because I’m constantly thirsty lately.
Shelly and I head out after I go to the bathroom. Yeah, that’s another thing I’ve learned about being pregnant—you always have to go to the bathroom no matter how much you drink. I spend more time rushing there than anything else these days.
I’ve honestly been dreading going shopping for the baby. Not because it hasn’t felt real or anything like that. When I was younger and dreamed of having a family of my own, this is one of the many things I envisioned doing with the man I loved, the father of my child. Instead, I’m doing it with my best friend because the guy I love isn’t speaking to me and wants nothing to do with our situation unless I have an appointment or I go into labor. A tear slips out and slides slowly down my face as I turn to lock the door behind me so we can head out.
***
Shelly and I spent hours shopping. My feet hurt and my back aches more than normal. We managed to get a ton of stuff for my son. The furniture will be getting delivered this evening. I’m actually looking forward to putting together the furniture and setting it up in the nursery. I want to make the nursery all about the baby even though I can’t paint the walls or anythinglike that. The drawback of renting a place instead of owning a house.
Between the two of us, we got all the furniture necessary for a nursery, a ton of bottles and those pacifier things, clothes, blankets, bedding, and a car seat and stroller combination. I spent a ton of money that I was saving for the next semester. I still have the money for college, but it’s a little cheaper since I’ll be doing everything online. Knowing I’ll be giving birth soon means I know I won’t be on campus for the next semester at least. While I hate not being there in person, I understand I’ll want to be with the baby. Thankfully, my professors are allowing me to do everything online so I don’t have to take the semester off and graduate later than I planned.
Before Shelly heads back to my place so we can bring everything inside, my dad calls asking if I want to go to lunch. There’s no reason for me to say no, so Shelly drops me off to meet him and heads to my place to drop everything off. She has a key in case she ever needs to get to me in an emergency so I don’t have to give up mine and be fucked when I eventually get home.
“Sweetheart, how are you feeling today?” my dad asks me as I walk up to his table in the small diner and take the seat across from him.
“I’m okay. My back wasn’t bothering me too much before I left to go shopping with Shelly. Now, the same can’t be said. It hurts more than I told her it did. And my feet hurt from walking around so much. Other than that, I’m feeling pretty good. I already got all of my assignments for school done and submitted so things will be easier the rest of the week. Are you still taking me to my appointment tomorrow?” I return, answering him honestly because if there’s one person who can see through any half-truths, it will be my dad.
“I hate that you’re still suffering because of that vile woman. Never in my life did I think she’d go so far as to try to kill you, Sweetheart,” my dad says, a hint of anger lacing his voice as his eyes fill with the guilt he still carries with him all these years later.
The only time I’ve ever witnessed my dad cry is when I woke up in the hospital after the crash. He was sitting by my bed looking rough with his hair sticking up like he stuck his finger in an outlet as he held my hand in his much larger, rough ones. The second he saw my eyes open, my dad sobbed even worse and told me he was sorry a million times. Even when I told him he wasn’t at fault and had nothing to do with the choices that woman made, he still carries the guilt on his shoulders and lets it weigh him down instead of just letting it roll off his back and forgetting about the situation.
“Dad, we’ve been over this. You’re not responsible for the choices she made in life. It’s over and I’ve healed from all the injuries she caused. My back will always be a source of pain moving forward and we knew this when I was still in the hospital. No matter how many surgeries I have on my back, that won’t change. We can’t continue to dwell on something we can’t change and have no control over,” I tell him as the waiter brings us drinks my dad ordered when he waited for me to get here.
I’m a creature of habit and drink the same thing every time we come here for a meal.
“I know, Sheridan. It doesn’t mean I still don’t carry what happened to you with me on a daily basis. Now, are things any different between Axel and you?” he asks me, his voice laced with a hint of anger that’s been there since the day I told him I was pregnant.
