Axel still doesn’t have a shirt on and the jeans covering his legs are ones he wears a lot. I can tell by how worn they are. There’s more than his typical five o’clock shadow covering his jaw and his hair is thrown up in a man bun thing. I don’t hesitate to take in his body from head to toe. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen that much skin from him on display and I can’t stop myself from staring at him.
“Little Fairy, I think ya got some drool right there,” Axel teases me, pointing at the corner of his mouth with a smirk on his face. “Do you have any names in mind?”
“Not really. I always figured it was something we’d do together regardless of if you’re still mad at me or not. Do you have a name in mind?” I return, finally dragging my eyes away from the man in front of me.
“Well, I was kind of thinkin’ of a name Marcus always said he’d want to give his son,” Axel answers me, an almost shy, unsure look on his face as he steps up right next to the chair and looks down at our son. “He always said he wanted to name his son Leo James. I’m not sure of the significance of the name, but it was important to him. If you don’t mind, I’d like to name our son that in honor of him.”
“I don’t have a problem with that at all. And I remember Marcus saying that name before. It was just in passing that I heard him mention it, but I remember it. I think our son would be honored to have a name his uncle always wanted to give his own son,” I answer him, keeping my eyes locked on the little boy in my arms.
It’s really awkward holding Leo because of the cast on my left arm. I manage to keep him against my body as I adjust the blanket Axel wrapped him up in. Axel heads out to let the staff know we’ve decided on a name for our son so they can get things taken care of. We’ll have to fill out paperwork at some point aswell. For the rest of the visiting hours, Axel and I take care of Leo and don’t really talk about anything other than him. Axel lets me know everything the doctors have said and what he’s witnessed himself while he’s here visiting. I hardly take my eyes off of my son because I feel as if I’ve missed so damn much already. When visiting hours are over for the day, Axel helps me in the wheelchair and pushes me back to my room. I’m exhausted and fall asleep almost as soon as I get settled in the bed.
Chapter Thirteen
Tease
A FEW MORE days and Sheridan will be getting discharged. The same can’t be said for our son, Leo. He’ll have to remain in the NICU for a little while longer. While he’s essentially perfect and there’s nothing really wrong with him, his oxygen levels are still going down at night when he goes to sleep and he’s got some kind of infection ravaging his small body right now. They believe it’s a form of the flu or a cold, but are waiting on some test results to come back before they’ll know for sure. His pediatrician is the same one the families of the club use and she’s amazing. She rushed to the NICU the second we called her and has done everything in her power to ensure our son is okay. Sheridan is a worried mess and I can’t blame her. I’m not exactly doing much better than she is. The only difference is I can be with Leo more often than her.
Right now, Sheridan is seeing a neurologist for the memory issues she’s having. We’re not sure what’s going on other than this is a result from her head injury. Sheridan remembers hitting her head multiple times and that would be the cause of the injury and most likely her memory issues. I wanted to go with her for the testing and whatever this new doctor is going to do to her, but she wanted me here with Leo since he’s sick. So, I’m currently sitting in the rocking chair with my son pressed against my chest, his little body on fire fromthe temperature he's got. I feel as if I’m burning up, but I’m not about to move Leo or not hold him.
As I gently rock Leo and keep my hand on the blanket covering his back, my dad walks in the room and takes a seat across from me. He doesn’t say anything for a while, simply watches me with Leo. I can see a ton of memories and thoughts racing through his mind without him saying a word. It’s been happening more and more since Leo was born.
“How’s he doin’? Have you managed to talk to Sheridan about everythin’ yet?” he finally asks me while keeping his eyes on Leo.
“Leo’s doin’ about the same. He’s got a fever they’re keepin’ an eye on and we’re waitin’ on the tests to come back so we know what’s wrong with him. Right now, his oxygen is remainin’ steady and hasn’t dropped. That’s somethin’ we’re really worried about right now with congestion he has,” I answer him, looking down at Leo as he sleeps peacefully against my chest. “I haven’t had the chance to talk to Sheridan about anythin’. I still don’t even know what the hell is goin’ on or what either one of us truly wants. Durin’ the day we’re surrounded by people and at night, she’s so fuckin’ exhausted, she falls asleep as soon as she gets back in the hospital bed.”
“You gotta have the talk, Axel. This back and forth and hesitation isn’t good for either one of you. Now you have Leo and your focus is on him. That’s where it should be, so don’t get me wrong. However, the two of you need to get your shit together and either be a couple or figure out the best way to co-parent your son,” he states, a knowing look in his eyes I’ve seen countless times over the years.
“I know we do. I also know I love Sheridan more than I ever dreamed possible. Leo and her own my heart and soul. However, I also still feel a little like she betrayed me by not tellin’me she was pregnant. There were plenty of times she could have found me in town or at the clubhouse. She could have given me a call or sent a message. Part of me can’t help but feel as though she deliberately kept the pregnancy from me because she thought I’d be a horrible father,” I admit for the first time since learning of Sheridan’s pregnancy.
My dad doesn’t respond immediately. Instead, I hear him chuckle a little bit and I look up to find him shaking his head.
“Son, that girl doesn’t think you’d be a horrible father. She knows that you love your son with every beat of your heart and there’s nothin’ you wouldn’t do for him. You’d give your life for Sheridan and Leo. Sheridan knows that and never thought you’d ever be horrible when it comes to bein’ a father. I truly believe she feels as if you would never change your mind about not wantin’ kids of your own. From what I understand, you told her that the night you spent with her. Well, even if you didn’t say the words, your actions made it more than clear you were only in it for the night and nothin’ more. I don’t blame her for not tellin’ you about the pregnancy,” my dad says, his voice almost a whisper as he looks at me. “Did you know that your mom and I were in a similar situation?”
“No, I never knew that,” I respond, confusion filling my voice as I look at him and wonder what he’s talking about.
“When your mom was pregnant with Marcus, we weren’t together. I was all about the club and didn’t want to settle down with one person. I was young and dumb. Your mom and I were seein’ one another regularly, but she knew I was also fuckin’ around with the girls at the clubhouse. So, when she found out she was pregnant with Marcus, she didn’t tell me. She made the decision to keep him and was fully prepared to raise him on her own. It had nothin’ to do with me bein’ in the club, it was the factthat I wasn’t ready to settle down and be the man she needed me to be,” he admits to me as I let his words sink in.
“You were fuckin’ around on Mom?” I question my dad because I never once thought I’d hear remotely anything like that from him.
“In a way I was. I mean, we weren’t truly together but we were fuckin’ around. I should have been with her and only her. The only reason I happened to discover she was pregnant was because I ran into her at the beach. She was with her friends and they were havin’ a party to cheer her up. She was upset and didn’t know how she was gonna go to college and raise a baby on her own. The second I saw her with the small baby bump she had at that point, I was all in. It took that shit for me to realize exactly what I had with your mom. She stood by my side and was loyal as fuck and we weren’t together. The first time I took her to the clubhouse, she made it clear she was not to be messed with and all the girls were to leave me the hell alone because I was a taken man. Your mom put all the women on notice and none of them stepped out of line. From that day forward, I never once looked at another woman and thought about fuckin’ around on your mom,” he tells me and I can see the pain and regret in his eyes. This is something that’s haunted my dad for a long time.
“I haven’t been with anyone else since the night I was with Sheridan. The few times I’ve even tried to fuck someone or get my dick sucked, it didn’t happen. Sheridan is all I see and there’s nothin’ that will change that. She’s the one I’ve loved forever and didn’t realize it until this shit hit. Now, I feel as if we’re in this rut and there’s no way to get out of it. Even havin’ a talk won’t change it or how we feel about one another,” I admit, defeat making my shoulders slump slightly. “Right now, I’m not even sure Sheridan will believe anythin’ I tell her. We’ve had this silent shit go on for far too long at this point.”
“No, you haven’t. Talk with Sheridan and be open and honest about everythin’. You talk to Knuckles and me about this shit. You can talk to her. Sheridan is the one who needs to know how you truly feel about everythin’. And you need to be open when she talks to you. Don’t just think she’s talkin’ to spout shit you wanna hear. Sheridan has never been the girl to simply say the words because it’s what someone else wants to hear. You’ve heard it yourself from Dr. Matthews that the antibiotics she was on affected her birth control. Sheridan never realized it was a possibility until she saw the positive pregnancy test,” he says, his voice a whisper as Leo stirs against my chest and my attention goes directly to him.
Leo doesn’t cry or wake up. He hasn’t been up in a few hours. The doctors are keeping an eye on that as well. Right now, they want him to get as much rest as he needs because it’s the only way he’ll get better. Still he needs to eat and he hasn’t been doing much of that since this morning. The few times he has eaten, Leo ends up getting sick and spitting up most of what he’s taken in. I’ve cleaned both of us up more than once so far and I have a feeling I’ll continue to do the same until he’s over whatever this is. No one will ever hear me complain though. I’d do anything for my son and Sheridan.
“Son, get the talk done with sooner rather than later. Sheridan and you need to be on the same page regardless of the outcome. Don’t fuck things up with her more than you already have,” my dad says before he gets up and leaves me alone in the room with Leo.
***
Sheridan came to the NICU as soon as she was done with the neurologist. She didn’t say a word to me as I stood from the chair and let her sit down and become comfortable before handing over a pillow to cover her cast. As soon as she’s ready,Sheridan looks up at me with tear-filled eyes and I hand Leo over to her. She holds him close and nuzzles into him, feeling his temperature.
“He’s still way too warm. Has the doctor been back in?” she questions me, her voice wavering with emotion she’s trying to hold back.
“She’s been in to check on him. The lab is really behind today and she’s still waitin’ on the results to come back. She’s called and put a rush on things because he’s sick and they want to figure out what’s goin’ on as soon as possible. If his fever doesn’t go down soon, we’ll take measures to lower it. I’m not sure what that means, but they’ll let us know if it comes to that,” I answer her, not sure if it’s what she wants to hear, but it’s the truth of our current situation. “What did your new doctor say?”
“Nothing really. Just that it’s because of the accident and hitting my head. The memory issue should resolve itself at some point soon. If not, they’ll run more tests and figure out if something more is going on they haven’t seen in the images they’ve already taken since the accident and me arriving here,” she informs me, never taking her eyes off of our son as she cradles him close to her chest. “Has he kept any formula down?”
