Feeling lonely and confused, I crawled into bed. I needed some answers, and there was only one person who could give them to me. I reached out and touched a fingertip to the napkin flower North had given me, where it had been sitting on my bedside table since that night.
Tomorrow. I would have my answers tomorrow.
Chapter 11
North
Icouldn’texplaintheability I had, to select the perfect tattoo for a client. Even before I’d taken up the art, I’d had this uncanny ability to see an image almost superimposed over them. It was almost always related to their fated mate—past, present, or future—a gift from Fate perhaps. It was part of the reason I’d waited so patiently all these years for my own mate. The bond was sacred, and I’d refused to sully that bond by fooling around with someone who would never matter.
This morning, I’d tattooed an older sloth shifter with a vibrant red hibiscus flower over his heart. When he saw the pattern I’d chosen for him, he’d burst into tears. He’d lost his mate recently, and this was his omega’s favorite flower. He thanked me, hugging me tightly, and it wasn’t untilafter he left that I realized we’d been talking through the whole thing.
Gone were the days of working in brooding silence. Was it because I’d finally met my mate? That I was happy at last with the path my life was on?
I’d left my afternoon free so I could prepare everything I would need to make dinner for my mate this evening. I headed to the store and stocked up on everything I could possibly need. The plan was to makejalea, a family recipe of fried fish and seafood, with plantain, ginger, and lime. But the longer I thought about it, the more I second-guessed my decision. I didn’t know what my mate liked. What if he was a vegetarian? My jaguar was appalled at the concept, but I assured him he could still eat meat even if our mate didn’t. But then I’d had a realization. Oh gods, some humans had food allergies. What if I poisoned my mate on our first official date!
“I should probably buy an EpiPen,” I muttered.
My jaguar obviously had no clue what that was, and after I’d explained it briefly, he huffed.Humans are too breakable. We need to claim and protect him. Now. Before he hurts himself. I doubted claiming our mate would protect him from anaphylactic shock, but it was pointless to correct him.
I wandered through the grocery store aisles, picking up ingredients for a couple back-up meals just in case. Vegetarian lasagna, and maybe pancakes, in case he stayed for breakfast…
No, I wouldn’t allow myself to think about that yet. Humans moved much slower than shifters did, and that meant no pressuring him into something he might not be ready for yet. Just because I was ready to commit my entire existence to him, that didn’t mean I wasn’t willing to move at his pace. He was worth the wait.
On the way to check out, I paused at the small florist section they had set up in one corner, my eyes lingering on the bucket of long-stem roses they had. Yes, a real flower this time, for the very real love that was taking root inside me. I waited, smiling softly, as the florist wrapped the rose in cellophane for me.
I found myself whistling as I walked the short distance home. It had been a long time since I’d felt this light, this full of hope. I might’ve even skipped a little if I weren’t carrying all these grocery bags.
The weight of the world crashed into me again, though, when I rounded the corner and caught sight of Joel standing outside of Karma Katz. He was early, that should’ve been a good thing, but the way his back was hunched, his arms curled around this waist as if to protect himself fromsome unseen threat, made the fur on my jaguar’s back stand on end, and a spitting hiss slipped out from between my teeth.
As if he felt me coming, he looked up, his eyes reflecting a multitude of emotions, only one of them good—love. It was there, buried beneath fear and doubt and frustration.
I picked up my pace and reached him in seconds. “What is it? What’s wrong?” I demanded.
“Nothing,” he lied, shaking his head. “Maybe we could… talk inside?”
“Of course.” I led the way, nodding wordlessly to Mace at the desk on the way by. His eyes were filled with pity, but I refused to think about why that might be. What did he suspect was happening here?
Joel followed me up the back stairwell, the silence nearly suffocating. I’d never known Joel to be so quiet. Even while getting his tattoo, having been instructed to stay silent, he’d still made all kinds of sounds—squeaks and humsand sighs. It was fucking adorable. Now, though… It was enough to set my teeth on edge.
Stepping into the apartment, I immediately went to the kitchen and set the grocery bags down on the island, before turning to face Joel. He was looking around, but it was like he wasn’t actually seeing anything. His whole body was rigid, and he was wringing his hands in front of him. “Are you thirsty? Hungry?” I asked.
He shook his head, then opened his mouth to speak, before promptly closing it again. “Can we… sit?” he asked.
I wanted to reach for him, drag him to the couch and set him on my lap, run my fingers through his curls until he melted against me. Instead, I shoved my hands in my pockets and marched over to the couch.
Instead of sitting beside me, he perched on the armchair across from me, and the distance between us felt like a bottomless canyon, impossible to cross without falling to my death. My jaguar was scrambling and yowling inside me, but I forced myself to wait. Whatever it was that Joel wanted to discuss, he would bring it up when he was ready.
He watched me with those keen eyes as if trying to work out a puzzle. And then without warning, he asked, “What does the tattoo mean? The one you gave me.”
Well, shit. I pinched my lips shut before the words could come spilling out. I thought I’d have more time to plan for this conversation.
Joel leaned forward. “Because it sure got a big reaction from everyone. I’ve tried asking Kedi, actually I’ve tried asking him a lot of questions, but he keeps telling me to ask you.” Ah, this was where his frustration came from. I couldn’t blame him.
I braced myself. He deserved to know.Tell him!my jaguar agreed. I had no way of knowing how he would take it, but it was always going to come out sooner or later. Shifting over, I patted the couch beside me. “Please.”
For a second I was worried he wouldn’t come to sit beside me, that maybe he was afraid of me and needed to keep his distance, so when he moved to sit close enough that our legs brushed, I allowed the relief to soothe me.
I turned sideways to look at him, curling one leg up between us. “Before we talk about the tattoo, there’s something else I need to tell you. About me.”
