“Because… Because I can’t… You can’t. We can’t—”
He reached for her hand to try and help steady her. He had never seen Grace in a panic before and yet, she seemed to be having an issue all of a sudden.
“Grace, it’s all right. We’ve been able to work together these last few weeks without issue. I’m not a worry to you, believe me.”
But she was shaking her head.
“It’s not you I’m worried about. It’s me.”
He frowned, confused.
“You?”
“Yes.” She paused. “You see, I-I’ve been too aware of you, I suppose, for lack of a better way of explaining it. That is, there are things about you that I often find myself thinking about and while harmless, I do tend to, well, that’s not to say that I often do, but I have done so in the past—”
“What have you done?”
Grace closed her eyes and sighed.
“This is going to sound mad, but I… I didn’t ever believe that I was capable of amorous feelings.”
James tilted his head.
“Oh?”
She opened one eye, as if to peek at his reaction.
“But I’ve tried.”
His brow lifted, unsure what she was telling him.
“Have you?”
“That is to say, I tried once, to see if I might have the ability to feel such things. It was when we were in London. Actually, it’s the entire reason we left London,” she began. “You see, my friend was set to marry a man who was very smart, but also very dull. He spoke endlessly on mathematics and bored everyone around him, and when someone would try to interject or even add to the conversation, he refused to allow it.”
James nodded, unsure where this was going.
“All right…”
“Well, my friend, she was set to marry him, an arrangement with her parents had been made, and she was sure that his brilliance was the reason she couldn’t feel anything for him. Thathe was too clever and that only other clever people found him interesting. Well, I am a clever person and seeing how upset she was at the match as well as being consistently curious, I decided to try something.”
“What did you try?”
“I kissed him.”
James had heard that one of the Sharpes had caused a scandal in London, which had been the reason they had come to Scotland in the first place, but he had always assumed it was one of Grace’s sisters, either Hope or Faith who had been rather cavalier with themselves. Not smart, steadfast Grace.
“Why?”
“I wanted to see if it was true. If perhaps clever people were attracted to other clever people, not to mention that it would help my friend get out of what most certainly was going to be a loveless marriage. So, I kissed him and… And there was nothing.”
“Nothing?”
“Not a feeling, not an idea, not an epiphany, not anything. It was rather boring actually, and from that moment on, I always assumed that there were people who were outside of the world of companionship.” She glanced at him. “When your aunt mentioned that you were similar, I thought this might be a practical partnership.”
“And now?”
“I’m not so sure.”
