I walk into Dr.Nic’s office for my third session.I’m no longer as nervous as I was the previous two times.But fuck, she looks scrumptious again today, in those hip-hugging jeans and that silk blouse.
We settle into our seats, and she shoots me a small smile.“How’s it going?”she asks.
Excellent now that I’m sitting across from you, I think, but obviously can’t say.I’ve heard about clients getting the hots for their therapists—I even know it’s called transference—and I’m not going to be that particular cliché, thank you very much.
“Okay.You?”The question is out of my mouth before I realize it.
Her smiles broadens.“Fine, thanks for asking.Is there anything in particular you would like to discuss today?Something that’s been on your mind?”
“Well, Sienna called me repressed the other day.And according to Stella, I barely even notice when someone flirts with me, which might be true, hence why I’m single.”
“Doyousometimes flirt with someone?Take the initiative?”Dr.Nic is in no mood to dillydally today.
I huff out some air.“It’s been a while.”
“Since you’ve felt attracted to someone enough to initiate something?”Her eyes are deep-brown and kind.
“I don’t know if I’m made to be in a relationship,” I simply state.
“It’s not something you crave?”
“I crave… well, some things sometimes.”Oh, fuck.My cheeks heat up.
“And?”
Holy hell.We’re not even five minutes into the session, but it kind of feels like I’ve brought this on myself—or did she somehow steer me toward this again?
“I’m not that into one-night stands.It used to be easier, you know?BeforeQueer Girl Summer.I mean, I was on TV before, but since things have gone next level, it’s like a part of me has shut down.Like, I wouldn’t even know where to start if I wanted to…”
“Have sex with someone?”The way she says it does something to my insides.
“Um, yeah.”I shuffle in my seat.“I didn’t really come here to talk about my nonexistent sex life, just so you know.”
“Does it make you uncomfortable?”
“Duh.”I sound like a teenager rebelling against her parents.“Sorry.That was a bit immature.”
“No problem.You don’t have to be a certain way here.Just be you.”
“Yet being me is why I’m here.”
“And I’m here to help.”
I might have underestimated the effect of someone’s undivided attention on me, and all my complicated, repressed emotions, for a full hour at a time.Someone who doesn’t want anything from me except the ugly truth.
“Are you single?”I blurt out.
Dr.Nic chuckles.“I am, as a matter of fact.”
Really?“I’m sorry.Was that out of line?”
“It’s all right.My wife died in a car accident five years ago.”
“Oh, my god.I’m so sorry, Nic.”Should I have known this?Surely, Sienna knows, but she might have kept it to herself—or I had my head too far up my ass to really listen when she told me.
“Thanks.”A flash of weariness crosses her face, but then, as if she didn’t just mention her late wife, her face is all solemn smiles and kindness again.“Just giving you a bit of context.It helps with certain clients.”
“I know you were a huge help to Sienna after her father died.She has only good things to say about you.”
