“Maybe that’s why I don’t do relationships,” I blurt out.
“That’s probably the most honest thing you’ve said all night.”Nic turns to me, the soft smile on her lips too warm for my liking because it’s so hard to argue with.“But we are in a relationship.”
“I know, but… why can’t we just be in a relationship without—I don’t know.”I shrug like a moody teen would.“All of this.Why can’t it just be fun.We’re supposed to be in the fun stage when all we do is have sex and make each other laugh.”
“You picked the wrong woman to be with for that,” Nic says and instead of irritating me it does the opposite, which is rather puzzling.
“Ugh, why were you my therapist?”
“That’s the wrong question to ask, babe,” Nic says.She smirks at me now while she shuffles closer.“I’m not going to push you tonight, but that doesn’t mean I won’t ask you again.”She tilts her head.“Because I’m in love with you and I want to know everything about you.”
“Speaking of therapy,” I say, yielding a touch already.“You know what I talk most about with Jan?”
Nic shakes her head.She can’t know because I haven’t been very forthcoming about my sessions with my new shrink.
“About my fear of fucking this up.Us.Because I don’t really know how this works.I’m not someone who opens up easily to another person.I like to keep my shit to myself.It’s who I am or, well, who I’ve become, I guess.”
“You’re scared?”Nic asks, her voice as soft as the pads of her fingers brushing against my wrist.
“Fucking terrified,” I admit, despite how vulnerable it makes me feel.Whereas I excel at playing vulnerable on set, in real life, I’m not a big fan.I prefer strong and unshakable—and shoving guys in bars.
“That’s okay.This is scary.For me as well.”Her gaze finds mine.“The whole how-we-met debacle aside…” She nods slowly.“To fall in love with someone is always a little scary.To let someone in like that.To give up the control you’ve always been used to.To find out if you’re even compatible… It’s a lot.”
“Good thing it’s also a whole lot of fun.”I slide my palms up Nic’s thighs.“And very hot.”
“I’m not going to let you push me away,” Nic whispers.
“Okay.”I slant toward Nic until my lips brush her ear.“Are you going to let me fuck you?”
“Countless times,” Nic replies.“But not now.”
I jut out my bottom lip like a toddler being refused their favorite piece of candy—that’s kind of how it feels.
“We can just sit here and feel what we feel,” Nic says.“Without having to change the situation.”Nic’s grin contradicts her words because it’s way too sexy.“You can fuck me later.”
“When is later?”Sometimes, I really can’t help myself.“I have a breakfast meeting tomorrow and it’s close enough to bedtime.”
“We can go to bed,” Nic says.“I have a busy day tomorrow as well.”
I also can’t help but feel a little guilty whenever Nic references her job.She only has a few days left before her practice closes down.I can only hope that, once she’s no longer licensed to practice, she won’t take all her therapy energy out on me.
“We can go to bed and just lie there,” I say.
“I think it’s called sleep,” Nic jokes.“Let’s go upstairs and see how it goes.”
We walk upstairs without saying anything.I’m not really used to silence meaning something other than boredom or passive aggression.
In the doorway of my bedroom, I pause like I’m waiting for stage direction.This is the part where I usually take my clothes off and make everything easier—and fun.
We brush our teeth side by side like we’re an old married couple.I pull on a T-shirt because I do feel like I need some protection.I’m not sure I can handle just lying next to Nic naked without touching her—or if I can fall asleep like that.Nic doesn’t seem to have the same issues.She hops into what has become her side of the bed stark naked.
“Come here,” she says and opens her arm to me.The space for me in the crook of her shoulder looks very inviting.I cradle my head against her.
“I’m going to ask you a question that will most likely drive you crazy,” Nic says.
“Good thing I’m seeing a shrink.”
Nic continues unperturbed.“How do you feel lying here with me like this?”
