“But why does she have to be queer?”Now I’m just being obtuse.
“Why not?”Mimi looks me straight in the eye.
Christ.This is a bit like therapy—and not the good kind, with Nic.I don’t have an immediate response to her question.
“You’re no longer a soap actor.You’re not only a queer actor.You’re an actor.Period,” Mimi says.
I press my lips together, because damn it, she’s right and I know it.Mimi’s not lecturing me.She’s spelling out something I should know very well myself.
“Sorry,” I say.“You’re right.”Maybe Nic is rubbing off on me—and Jan.
“This character is not just queer.She’s complicated and human… and you’d get to play both versions of her.Think of all that screen time.”Mimi throws in a wink.
“Okay.Please, continue.”
“The film cuts between the timelines, but she’s the same physical person in both.In one, she’s successful but often lonely.In the other, she has taken the more risky choices.Her life is messier and less secure, but she has love, family, and intimacy.The tension is in how much she recognizes herself in both versions, and how hard it is to accept that no matter which way you go, you lose something.But you also gain something else.And that’s life.”
“That sounds pretty amazing, actually.”That particular fire I need when choosing a project sparks inside me.“Is there a script?”
“I’m working on it, but that’s why I wanted to meet with you now.”Mimi smiles at me.“I’d like to write it with you in mind.”
“Really?”I can’t help but feel extremely honored.
“Very much so,” Mimi says.“I think you are an amazing actor.What you brought to your character inQueer Girl Summer, that’s not an easy thing to do, Avery.I’ve been in this business a long time, and it’s quite rare.That instant likability paired with such pure vulnerability.It made the movie.”She winks again.“Don’t tell Stella I said that.”She holds up her hand as if apologizing.“I would really love to work with you.”
“Okay.”
Mimi continues, outlining the feel of the film—intimate but ambitious.She talks about tone, pacing, and how she envisions the camera almost breathing with the characters.It’s clear she’s given it a lot of careful thought, but she keeps it broad, more about atmosphere and emotion than details.
It very much sounds like a movie I would love to be a part of.
“Will you think about it?”she asks, her kind gaze pinned on me.“Talk to your people.I’ll send you all the information you need.”
“Thank you so much, Mimi, for thinking of me for your movie.”
“Thankyoufor coming over and considering it.”Mimi is nothing if not convincing.“You’re my first, second, and third choice.”
I have to laugh.That is very Hollywood of her.
“And if there’s one thing I’ve learned, both in life and in this business, it’s that real connection is precious.”She tilts her head.“When you find it, don’t waste time worrying about what it looks like to other people.”
As I get out of my chair, I think that Mimi St.James just got me to do her next movie.
Chapter32
Nic
The envelope is insultingly thin considering it holds the end of my career.My name is typed neatly across the front, the seal of the California Board of Psychology stamped in navy ink.
I sit at my desk in silence for a long time before finally sliding a finger under the flap.
The letter is as formal as I expected.The board has reviewed my statement.My request has been granted.I have thirty days to wind down my practice, after which my license will be suspended indefinitely.
There it is.Thirty days to say goodbye to the work that has shaped my life.Thirty days to tell my clients, to hand them over to new therapists, to dismantle everything I built.Thirty days to face the fact that I will no longer be a licensed psychologist.
A heavy silence hangs in my office.For so long, this room was a place where people came with the sole purpose of talking.Now I sit here wondering if I’ll ever find a purpose of my own again.
I’ll have to do something.I’m not the type to do nothing.I’m simply not wired for it.Helping people has been stitched into my bones for too long.And there are still plenty of people out there who need help.
